The Curse of Being Alone
by HB rules
Summary: Post finale. Regina has lost everyone and everything she holds dear, and walking away from the diner the world seems so much darker than it did before. She can't take it any more. Henry can see his mother falling apart, but Regina pushes him away. Can she pull herself back before it's too late, or has this pushed her over the edge? Slow burn Outlaw Queen
1. Chapter 1

Regina turned away from Emma, unable to stand the sight of her any longer. She knew that she had to leave, find somewhere away from the judging, pitying eyes where she could release the well of emotion currently tightening its grasp around her neck; yet she didn't go straight away. She lingered for a moment, her gaze captured by what was happening before her.

Robin had his arms around his wife and son, a look of pure joy on his face the likes of which she knew her own embrace had never been able to provide. Roland, normally such a quiet little boy, was giggling as Marian whispered in his ear. He clung to his mother's dress, as though he feared she would leave him again if he let her go. It had taken a mere moment for her to be forgotten, discarded as if she had just been a distraction from what he had lost. Now…now Robin had it all back. She wasn't needed anymore.

And it hurt. It hurt so badly that she wanted to cry out, scream until the dull ache in her chest subsided and her broken heart reformed; but it wasn't that simple. Regina tore herself away, feeling her eyes burning with tears at the knowledge that he wouldn't try to stop her. She heard vague sounds of someone calling to her, but everything around her seemed muffled as if her head had been pushed into a bucket of ice cold water.

She could still feel the tingling on her lips, the ghost of a kiss they had shared moments before turning what had been a happy moment as bitter as her poisoned apples. As the door slammed shut behind her, the bell adorning it twinkling as if to mock her, she felt her eyes finally betray her as droplets caressed her cheek. Regina heard her mother's words in her ear once more – _love is weakness Regina. _

'You were right mother,' she whispered, her lower lip trembling despite her best efforts to stop it. She had opened her heart, finally taking down the walls that had prevented her from feeling what she had dared to hope could be love, and with a single embrace he had broken it. And Regina knew, without doubt, that she simply wasn't strong enough to survive that pain again.

Xxx

Emma watched Regina as she took one final look at the reunited family before almost running from the diner.

'Regina-' she tried, but her words didn't even register with the brunette before she disappeared from sight.

Emma didn't know what to say. She had only done what she had thought to be best, to save a life; she had never meant for any of this to happen. But looking at how the young boy gazed up at the mother he thought he had lost, Emma couldn't say that she had done the wrong thing in bringing her back.

'What's going on?' asked Henry, approaching Emma for answers as he tried to make sense of the scene unfolding around him.

'It's complicated kid,' Emma sighed, shaking her head.

'Why is my Mom so upset?' he insisted. Emma almost felt a flicker of jealousy rise at his protective tone.

'I brought someone back from the past,' she explained, nodding towards Robin and Marian, 'and I…I didn't know who she was.'

Henry looked at Robin, the realisation setting in, and he felt his heart sink for his mother. The change in her these past few weeks had been clear to see; the added brightness in her smile, the way she would brush her hair behind her ear whenever Robin looked at her – she had finally seemed to find some happiness. After everything she had been through and how hard she had tried to change, Henry knew that she deserved it. And he knew how much it would hurt her to have it taken away so mercilessly.

'I need to talk to her,' he said at once.

'I don't think that's a good idea, kid. She seems pretty mad.'

'She needs me,' Henry pushed, frustrated that they didn't understand, 'she…she hasn't got anyone else.'

Emma felt her heart melting a little at his sincerity, and she hated to admit it but it was true. No matter how venomous her threats had been, Regina hadn't been able to hide the look of pure despair in her eyes; she was in pain, and she needed help.

'Okay, fine,' she relented, 'but try and get her to come back here. I think we need to attempt to discuss this like adults before it gets out of hand.'

Henry smiled before running past her, hoping that he wasn't already too late.

Xxx

Her legs seemed to carry her without her mind having to process the thought, as all she could think about was the glistening of happiness in Robin's eyes at the sight of his true love. Regina wanted to hate him, to curse him with the dark magic she had done her best to bottle away within herself, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Just seeing Marian again had made him happier than she had ever been able to and although that killed her, deep down she had always known that finding love was too good to be true. It was her own fault. No matter what she did or how hard she tried for redemption she would always be the Evil Queen, and villains didn't get happy endings.

Regina turned out of Granny's, but only made it a few metres before she felt her legs wobble. She grabbed onto the green fence, stumbling to a stop as a wave of dizziness came over her. Reaching a hand to her aching forehead, she cursed the tears that continued to mark her cheeks with the evidence of her brokenness and tried to stop the Earth from spinning quite so fast. This was what she had become, a shadow of her former self left clinging to a flimsy stronghold to keep herself from falling. Despite the light from the diner and the streetlamps surrounding her, the world had never seemed so dark.

'Mom?'

Her aching heart quickened at the sound of her son's voice and she forced herself to straighten, fiercely wiping her sodden cheeks. He was by her side in an instant, his expression a picture of concern.

'Are you okay?' he asked, gently putting a hand on the arm that was still gripping the fence dependently.

'I'm fine Henry,' she lied, less than convincingly, before trying to attempt a smile which she knew would never fool her intelligent son.

'No, you're not,' he said gently. 'Emma didn't mean to, I mean…she didn't know…'

'It's cold out here, you should go back inside,' Regina cut him off, stroking his hair with her free hand and wishing that it made her feel better.

'Come with me,' he begged.

'I can't.'

'It's okay to be sad, and scared, and I know that you won't admit it but you are not fine Mom. If you just talk to him, you'll see he still loves you.'

The words were like a dagger to her heart. Love. A word that had so far evaded both of their lips, and now would always go unsaid. It had only been a few weeks since their first kiss in the forest, but it was long enough for her to know that she had fallen head over heels in love with the man. It was long enough for her to get too involved, for this to hurt that much more. Regina shook her head.

'He doesn't love me, Henry. We hardly knew each other really, and now his w-wife has come back.' Regina swallowed thickly, trying to keep her voice from breaking.

'It's unfortunate, and yes it…it hurts…but maybe it is for the best.'

'You don't mean that,' said Henry disbelievingly.

'Roland has his mother back,' she reminded him, feeling a little stab of pain in her chest at the mention of the child's name. It hadn't taken her long to become attached to the boy, and she had never learned her lesson on getting too close to what wasn't hers.

'They are a family, Henry, they should be together.'

'But you deserve happiness too,' he insisted. 'Please, Mom, come back inside with me.'

'I can't Henry, I…I can't face him,' she answered honestly.

'I don't think you should be alone right now.'

Regina smiled sadly, her eyes glistening with such despondency that it brought a lump to Henry's throat. She placed a light kiss on his forehead, and he surprised her by wrapping his arms around her middle like he had done when he was younger and hugging her tightly. Resting her chin on his head, another tear slipped down her cheek and Henry hardly heard her whisper;

'I am always alone.'

'Mom-' he started.

'I'll be fine, Henry, I just need some time to try and deal with all of this. You go back and I'll see you very soon, okay?'

'Okay, but-'

'Just give me some time,' she repeated slowly. 'I love you Henry.'

He didn't have time to reply before she disappeared in a whirl of purple smoke.

'I love you too,' he muttered to the air, hanging his head.

He walked back into the diner, his eyes going first to Robin who was sat in a booth watching Marian playing with Roland who was sat on her lap. Henry scowled; did he have any idea how much he had hurt his mother? Did he even care what he had done? He had never seen her so pale, so broken. She was hardly able to keep it together even for him, and thinking of her alone in the house without anyone to even try to be strong for worried Henry. He knew that she wasn't as strong as she liked everyone to believe.

'I'm guessing it didn't go quite as planned?' Emma asked, as Henry sat on a stool beside her at the counter. He shook his head.

'She said she needed some space.'

'Maybe that's for the best,' she offered.

'I've never seen her like that before,' Henry said quietly. 'She was crying, barely able to stand up; she looked as if she'd given up. I'm worried about her. I didn't want to leave her but she used her magic to get home.'

Emma felt guilt weighing heavily on her shoulders. This was all her fault, and even if her intentions had been good she knew that she should have found out who exactly she was bringing back when she saved the woman's life. It might not have changed the end result, but it could have allowed her to at least try and find a way to make this less painful than it had proven to be for all involved.

Before she could try to reassure Henry, Robin came over looking somewhat overwhelmed.

'Do you know where Regina is?'

'Gone,' Henry answered sourly, in a tone that surprised both his mother and himself.

'Is she alright?'

'What do you think?' he spat.

'Henry!' Emma warned him. 'She…she hasn't taken the current situation all too well.'

'I'm such a fool,' Robin shook his head, running a hand through his hair. 'When I saw Marian I…I didn't think about it. It was all such a shock that I forgot that she was there; oh God what must she think of me. Is she angry?'

'I don't think so, not with you anyway,' she explained. 'I think she's just upset.'

Robin closed his eyes for a moment, cursing his thoughtlessness. He knew that he should have handled everything better, and now he had hurt Regina. It had just been so unexpected, and he hadn't known quite how to handle something so impossible. He would rather she hated him; thinking of her crying because of how he had acted caused his heart to sink heavily in his chest.

'I should go and talk to her,' he started, but Emma caught his arm to prevent him from leaving.

'If she won't see Henry, she won't see you,' she said simply. 'You need to figure out what you're going to do before you see her, otherwise you're just going to end up hurting her more.'

'Yes…yes you're probably right,' sighed Robin, looking back over at his family and feeling the strain of being pulled in two directions as if he were the object of a tug of war.

Xxx

Her head pounded as she tried to open her eyes, every beat of her heart echoing harshly with a pulsing headache. For a moment Regina couldn't tell if her eyes were open, as her surroundings were as dark as the blackness that had enveloped her after she had teleported from Granny's. Blurred outlines began to become clearer as she strained to see, and she felt the cold wood of her own laminate flooring beneath her cheek.

Drawing what strength she could muster, Regina pushed herself up from the ground and rested her weight on her elbows. Her head felt so heavy, but she forced herself to lift it and look around. She didn't know how long she had been there, and she supposed it didn't matter. The memories of everything that had happened seemed to hit her squarely in the chest, destroying that brief but beautiful moment just after waking when she hadn't remembered; she felt fresh tears forming in her eyes. But now wasn't the time to fall apart. She had to concentrate on getting up, which she guessed would be a formidable task in itself.

As Regina grasped at the wall to try and pull herself into a standing position, she tried to work out what had happened. Her magic had turned on her, still transporting her to where she wished to go but almost punishing her for the effort. It wasn't something that she was familiar with, but she could guess its root cause.

On her feet she was unsteady, still needing to hold onto the wall to prevent her body from reacquainting with the floor, but after a moment to recover herself she started to move towards the kitchen. Regina flicked on the light, and even though she knew what she was going to see it still felt as if her heart was being crushed to powder in her chest all over again.

Tears escaped, flooding the barriers that had been holding them back, and she let them fall. She was alone now, alone and standing, so she could crumble. It didn't take much.

They had planned to spend the night, with Regina even making a room up for Roland to sleep in. They wanted to do it properly, wake up and have breakfast together like a normal couple. Normal. She almost smiled at the irony. Normality was a reward for those who led quiet lives, not for evil fairy-tale queens. _ I should have known better,_ she cursed herself _I am not worthy of normal._

On the counter before her were the remnants of the picnic they had shared, two empty glasses standing side by side as if they were meant to be together. Regina let a choked sob escape from her lips as she leaned back against the wall. She waved her hand to try and clear the mess, not able to stand the sight any longer, but felt the magic reverberate back up her arm and it caused her to cry out in pain.

Fighting to stay conscious, Regina slid slowly down to the floor. She knew now that she couldn't use her magic, not if she wanted to stay awake for the next eight months. Placing a hand gently over her abdomen, she closed her eyes; she sighed with relief as she felt the little pulse of energy within her. Another sob escaped her lips. She couldn't even think about what that meant for her future, she didn't have the strength to think ahead.

All she knew was that she was weak, she was alone, and she was pregnant with the child of a man who didn't love her. How far the queen had fallen.

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**I'll try and get the next chapter up as soon as possible. **

**I know it's been done, but I'm taking a different spin once it gets going. Thanks for reading :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to everyone who has PM'd, reviewed, favourited and followed this story. I'm really grateful for the feedback and every review keeps me writing.**

**I was asked if this is an OQ story and the answer is yes, though I wouldn't hold your breath; many things have yet to happen. It does, however, mostly focus on Regina.**

**Anyway here is chapter 2 and I hope you enjoy it!**

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Ch2.

Regina had planned to tell him that evening, after the party. She had tried - started that simple sentence so many times and left it hanging, never quite managing to find that crucial second word. Pregnant.

It hadn't taken her long to figure it out. It wasn't even a baby yet, just a bundle of cells perhaps 2 millimetres long; but she could feel it. She had been able to for a few days now. When she closed her eyes she could sense it, a tiny source of energy foreign to her own resting deep within her. The child would have magic, Regina knew that already. If it was strong enough to be felt after just a few weeks, to interfere with the workings of her own powerful magic, then she was sure it would only grow stronger.

An image flashed through her mind, a tiny baby girl in a crib with a mop of dark hair reaching up towards the animals on her mobile far out of her reach and giggling gleefully as they spun at her command.

No, Regina scolded herself, she couldn't think about that now. She couldn't think of a baby before she had even got to grips with being pregnant, no matter how dangerously enticing the thought. There were more important things that still needed to do.

Xxx

Four days previously

_Regina stepped out of the shower and wobbled slightly, gripping the wall to steady herself; she could feel it again. She wasn't even sure what it was but it was the oddest sensation, a feeling of lightness and warmth within her that was often followed with a prickling of magic at her fingertips. At first she had dismissed it offhand, an aftershock of the powerful magic she had used to fight Zelena perhaps, but now it was happening every few hours and she couldn't ignore it any longer._

_'Regina, love, are you okay?' _

_She dried herself quickly and wrapped her silk robe around her body, emerging from the bathroom with a false smile to hide her fear. _

_'Fine,' she said quickly, pulling Robin into a deep and passionate kiss to silence him. She didn't want to worry him before she could figure out if anything was actually wrong with her. His lips were so soft that it felt as if all of her troubles were melting away at his touch. With his arms around her, gentle yet protective, Regina felt safe and for now that was all that she needed. _

_'Was that meant to shut me up,' he breathed when they finally broke apart 'because you don't seem fine to me.'_

_She scowled; there weren't many people who could tell when she was out of sorts, but Robin was proving to be an exception to the rule. His brow wrinkled slightly, and he brushed a strand of hair from her eyes._

_'What is it?'_

_'I'm fine, really,' she tried, less than convincingly._

_'You can tell me you know,' he coaxed, 'I am on your side.'_

_'I know, it's just-'_

_'Daddy?'_

_They turned to see Roland standing in the doorway. _

_'Hi there,' Robin grinned, scooping him up into his arms, 'what is it?'_

_'I'm tired,' he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. _

_Robin glanced at the clock on the bedroom wall and realised how late it was. _

_He walked over to Regina with Roland on his hip._

_'I'm so sorry, but I think that we should go. I have to put him to bed-'_

_Regina shook her head._

_'No need to apologise, I think time got away from us again. This little knight needs his sleep.' She touched his nose lightly, and felt her heart lift as the little boy laughed. _

_'We'll do this properly soon, I promise,' Robin swore. She gave an unconvinced nod, lowering her eyes as she couldn't quite hide her disappointment._

_'Hey,' he lifted her chin to meet his eyes and smiled softly, 'I keep my promises. Saturday night, I'll pack a bag for me and Roland and we'll spend the day together.'_

_Robin leaned forwards and kissed her. _

_'And the night,' he whispered, as he pulled away and Regina couldn't help the beaming grin that crept across her face. His thumb traced a line down her cheek, his touch so gentle it was entrancing._

_'Are you sure you're alright?'_

_'It's nothing,' she dismissed, covering his hand with hers. She knew that he wasn't entirely reassured, but Roland's eyes were drooping closed and they both knew he couldn't stay to ask any more about it. _

_'I'll see you for breakfast at Granny's?' he asked as he shifted the child over his shoulder._

_'Of course,' she answered, watching him until he had disappeared from view and wishing she had the confidence to say what was in her heart. No, she thought, not yet…too soon…_

_As she was getting ready for bed, Regina felt a wave of dizziness almost force her to the ground. The now familiar sensation returned again, stronger, and brought with it nausea which burned in her chest. She ran to the bathroom, dropping to her knees as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. _

_Her throat burned once the episode had finally passed, and she fell back against the wall breathing heavily. She felt weak, her head spinning faster than she could comprehend, and she almost considered calling Robin. Although her instincts told her never to show such fragility, all she wanted was him to wrap her in her arms and tell her it was alright. The warmth returned, focused now in her abdomen and in her dizzied state a thought crossed her mind. She couldn't be, could she? She couldn't be pregnant. _

_Regina placed a hand over flat stomach and tried to concentrate, closing her eyes and summoning her magic. The first time she sensed the little pulsation of energy within her, she gasped and her eyes flew open in panic. She remained there for the night, hugging her knees and just staring, trying to convince herself that it could be anything at all and yet knowing that wasn't the case._

_Before breakfast the next morning she went into the pharmacist's and stole a pregnancy test, wanting to avoid the embarrassment of having to purchase one. She left some coins on the shelf to abate her nagging conscience, and headed swiftly towards Granny's. Her trembling hands fumbled with the packaging in the diner's bathroom, and the next two minutes were the longest of her life._

_And that was it. A tiny pink plus confirmed it beyond denial; she was pregnant. _

Xxx

Regina had hidden the test in a cabinet upstairs, not wanting to see it but not quite able to bring herself to throw it away. It had taken a while to sink in, the realisation that she was carrying her lover's child, but somewhere amongst the fear, the apprehension, the doubt…there was also a glimmer of happiness. She couldn't deny that part of her felt pleased about her pregnancy, or had before everything had gone to hell.

She had tried to tell Robin a few times over the past few days, but it had never been the right moment. Regina had been so nervous as to how he would react that she always ended up tongue-tied, and that only served to fuel his worries about her. She hadn't been able to hide her anxiety; when she was around him all of her walls came down, and he could read her like a book. Almost.

Their conversation earlier that day should have been the end of it. Regina had had another sleepless night, and although she had managed to keep the sickness at bay she felt constantly queasy. And he noticed. All throughout their picnic he had watched as she picked at her food, not drinking her wine and making poor excuses for her behaviour. She had almost fainted as they walked into Granny's, and he hadn't been able to remain quiet any longer.

_Whether it was the heat of the day or the fact that her stomach was still unsettled she didn't know, but whatever it was as soon as she walked into the diner Regina knew what was going to happen before it did. A hand went to her head as her legs buckled beneath her, but Robin's arms were around her waist in an instant keeping her upright. She didn't have words to try and form an explanation, spots still dancing before her eyes, and she allowed him to carefully guide her over to a booth._

_'Regina, you're really starting to scare me,' Robin mumbled as he sat down next to her, one arm still around her shoulders._

_'I'm…I'm fine, Robin.'_

_'Don't say that again when it isn't true. You look like death sweetheart.'_

_'Thank you, that makes me feel so much better,' she drawled, though her tone did not hold anywhere near its usual power_

_'I didn't…you know I think you're beautiful, I'm just worried about you.'_

_'Don't be.'_

_'I can't help it Regina. I want you to be able to trust me.'_

_'I do trust you,' she insisted fervently. 'It's just…difficult. I don't…I don't know how to…'_

_She felt tears pricking at her eyes and Robin's face fell when he noticed. He pulled her gently close to him, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder and kissing her forehead._

_'Whenever you're ready,' he whispered._

The truth had been ready to tumble from her lips before she overheard Emma discussing Henry, and plans for them to return to New York. He had given her hand a reassuring squeeze, a silent promise that he wouldn't let the matter rest – and he always kept his promises. Later, she had assured herself as she went over and interrupted the Charmings' conversation, tonight…tonight I will tell him.

Regina didn't know what she thought would happen when she told him. A part of her hoped that his face would break out into a smile and he would take her in his arms and swing her round until they were both dizzy, before kissing her deeply and whispering the words she so desperately wanted to hear.

'I love you.'

Tears ran down Regina's cheeks. How could she have been so foolish? They had been together hardly any time at all. In all likelihood, he would have been as panicked as she first was when he discovered the truth; they weren't ready. He would never have professed his love and offered to marry her so they could all be a family and it had been ridiculous to even hope such a thing was possible. This wasn't a fairy tale, and she was no Snow White. Real life didn't end with two people falling for each other and driving off into the sunset, at least not for her.

It didn't matter now. Without saying anything at all she had lost him, lost him to a dead woman. Without a word she had lost everything.

Xxx

Regina knew that she had to move from the kitchen floor. She had already stayed there too long, and her back was beginning to ache; she was just so tired. It took her twenty minutes to drag herself into standing position and begin the slow walk up to her bedroom. The sound of her heels against the wooden floor echoed through the lonely house, only serving as a reminder of how truly alone she was. Regina was all too aware that she could collapse on the stairs, dead, and no-one would come to her aid. No-one would know.

The house had once been full of life, full of the sound of a little boy's laughter as he came in from playing in the garden to a plate of home-made cookies and milk. No matter how cruel anyone thought Henry's upbringing had been at her hands, they didn't know the truth. Regina knew she had been a good mother, or at least tried her very hardest to be. Henry knew that she loved him, if nothing else he knew that; though that still hadn't stopped him from leaving her.

When she finally reached her room, Regina kicked off her heels and fell onto her bed not bothering to change her clothes. Her eyes were already trying to close, exhaustion weighing down on her so heavily it was almost suffocating. If nothing else, today would allow her the first full night's sleep for several days.

In her jacket, she felt her phone buzz. Groaning as she pulled it from her pocket, Regina opened the text message.

_Mom,_

_Just wanted to say goodnight. Love you_

_H xx_

She smiled, feeling a small flicker of something that wasn't pain in her heart. Regina placed the phone on the pillow beside her, wishing she had not pushed her son away when he had offered and yet knowing he could not see her as she was. If nothing else, Henry would keep her going to face another day.

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**Please leave a review and hope you enjoyed it :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, it has given me such a boost I am determined to try and update as much as possible. **

**Hope you enjoy the next chapter**

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The next week dragged on slowly, days only differentiated by the text messages Regina received every night from her son. She always looked forward to them, to hearing about his day at school and what he had eaten for dinner. It was a welcome distraction.

The truth was that Regina had not left her house at all, not since it had happened. No-one had come looking for her. Henry, to his credit, always asked to come over, but her answer was the same.

_I'm not ready yet, Henry._

So far he had not questioned her beyond this, and she was grateful for it. Regina couldn't deny that she enjoyed knowing that he wanted to see her, almost craved the question every night so that she could be sure he still cared about her, but she wasn't ready to face the world and she wasn't sure quite when she would be.

She had heard nothing from Robin. She convinced herself that this was a good thing, knowing that had he tried to call her or come to her door she would have simply ignored him. Yet the fact that he had made no attempt whatsoever somehow made her feel worse.

Regina had tried to occupy her time working from home, sorting the things no-one else wished to do such as the town accounts and the departmental budgets, but that did little to take her mind of the matters at hand. They were just laborious tasks, something time consuming to prevent her days being spent drowning in her memories.

Whenever she slept she saw his face as he took his wife and son in his arms, rejecting her as if she had never mattered at all. Even now it hurt just as much as it had that night.

_'You were only ever a replacement. I never loved you. Who could ever love the Evil Queen?'_

They were not his words, Regina knew that, but it didn't make them any easier to hear. She would wake up crying out, begging him to stop, but every night would be the same and every morning she would have to pull together the broken pieces and drag herself out of bed.

That morning Regina wrapped her hands around a steaming mug of coffee, having managed no sleep at all the previous night.

Xxx

She had made a lasagne, using her favourite past-time to try and free her mind at least temporarily from her worries. Despite the queasiness which still rested in her stomach she had cut herself a piece and forced herself to eat it. Knowing that without the ability to use magic to supplement herself she would soon lose what little strength she had, Regina put a forkful to her lips.

But with every bite came another stinging memory, each like a bullet piercing her skin and finding her heart.

_'What's for dinner Mom?' asked six year old Henry as he bounded into the kitchen, mud smudged across his nose from where he had been playing in the garden._

_'I made your favourite,' Regina smiled, licking her thumb and wiping the dirt away with ease._

_'LASAGNE!' he almost screamed, his eyes brightening. _

_'I know I have been busy lately,' she explained as she put on oven gloves, 'and I haven't had much time to cook. I wanted to make the effort tonight. There's an apple pie in the fridge for dessert and a bit of ice cream for it if you're good.'_

_'Thank you thank you thank you,' he said, wrapping his arms around her waist. Henry watched her take the tray out of the oven, insisting on staying as she cut it into four and laid a perfect square onto his plate. _

_Regina was silent as they ate dinner, listening to every word that fell from her son's lips as he told her the epic tale of his adventures in the garden – pirate ships and evil trolls, the boy had had a treacherous afternoon indeed. He was her son, no-one else's, and had she realised at the time how these precious days were numbered she would have cherished every single one more closely. _

Regina had pushed the half-finished plate of lasagne away, and the remaining three quarters had found its way into the bin not long afterwards. Her head had found the pillow that night, but sleep would not come. Whenever she closed her eyes she saw Robin, or Henry, or even Daniel; she saw them all leaving her, one way or another.

Xxx

Regina's head fell into her hands, and she let out an audible groan when she heard her phone buzzing on the counter. She picked it up, and her thumb traced gently over the name – Henry. For a moment she considered letting it ring through, but Regina craved the sound of his voice and knew that sooner or later she would have to emerge from her bubble of sanctity.

She answered, holding the phone up to her ear.

'Hello?' she tried to sound strong, but her voice cracked slightly, through misuse if nothing else, and she sighed inwardly.

'Mom? Are you okay?'

'Fine, Henry, I'm fine,' she lied automatically, fully aware that he wouldn't believe her. 'Was there something you wanted?'

'I wanted to wish you a happy birthday Mom.'

Regina let out a heavy sigh. She had forgotten entirely; without a son to wake her up to breakfast in bed, the day seemed no different to any other.

'Come on Mom, it's not every day you're-'

'Not another word young man,' she warned, feeling a little of her old self creeping back.

'We should do something,' Henry tried.

'Henry, I-'

'Nothing much,' he interrupted her, 'just…just something. Lunch at Granny's?'

'I…I don't…'

She hated sounding weak in front of her son, but having stayed inside for so long the outside world seemed almost intimidating. She wasn't sure if she was strong enough to face everyone's pitying looks, to risk seeing him, them, together as a family.

'Please Mom? I miss you.'

Those words were enough. Regina longed to see her son, and something lit up inside her knowing he wanted to see her too. Hearing him say it gave her a little of the strength she had been so sorely lacking.

'Okay, fine,' she gave in, and a smile twitched in the corner of her mouth when he shouted 'Yes' triumphantly.

'1 o'clock?'

'See you then Mom, love you.'

'Love you too.'

Finishing her coffee, the world seemed a little less dark than it had done ten minutes ago.

Xxx

The wait until lunch seemed like one of the longest of her life. Regina went back upstairs to choose an outfit, making sure her hair was immaculate and her makeup hid the dark circles beneath her eyes. She chose a red silk blouse and a black pencil skirt, worrying that they felt a little looser than the last time she had worn them. Regina put a hand over her abdomen, feeling the energy within her which grew stronger every day, and her brow wrinkled. Although all was well for now, she knew that she would have to make more of an effort to keep herself healthy.

Walking over to Granny's, Regina kept her head down and her coat wrapped tightly around herself. Her heels tapped along the pavement with a sense of foreboding, like a ticking clock. For Henry, she reminded herself.

He was already there when she arrived, sitting at a booth in the far corner and he broke into a smile when he saw her.

'Mom,' he breathed, running up and almost knocking her over with a powerful hug.

'Steady,' she whispered, kissing the top of his head and wrapping her arms around him, his warmth driving away any feeling of doubt she had over leaving the house. She walked and sat across from him, telling him to order whatever he wanted and choosing a coffee and a salad for herself.

Henry looked his mother over as he ate his burger. He knew that something was wrong as he watched her play with her salad, and even though she smiled at him it never quite reached her eyes. Thinking of her alone in her house for the past week made him feel sad, and guilty for not trying harder to make her allow him to come over. It wasn't difficult to see how much she had loved Robin, and Henry hated having to watch how it was tearing her apart.

'Mom,' he started gently. She looked up and smiled at him.

'Yes dear?'

His words faltered. He had never been very good at reassuring people, and his mother had always been so strong he had never needed to try. But her tough exterior was breaking, and he knew he had to say something.

'It will be alright.'

She nodded, but looked down at her lunch and began pushing the leaves around her plate again.

'I'm sure you're right.'

'Can I stay over tonight?'

The question caught her by surprise.

'I…I'm not sure…' she stuttered.

'It's not a school night,' he reasoned, 'and I already asked Emma.' He noticed her flinch ever so slightly at the mention of his birth mother's name.

'Please,' Henry said quietly, 'I don't want you to be alone anymore. I want to go home.'

A lump rose in Regina's throat. Home. He hadn't called the mansion his home in what seemed like an age.

'Henry-'

'Look,' he interrupted her, 'it's your surprise.'

Granny brought over a tray of cupcakes, the middle one bearing a sparkler, and offered her best wishes. Regina couldn't help but smile, truly smile, and Henry beamed with pride at seeing genuine happiness ghost across her face.

'Happy birthday Mom.'

'Thank you, Henry,' she laughed, trying to blow out the flame and wondering how her son had grown so good at manipulation.

The bell on the door twinkled, and without looking somehow Regina just knew who had walked through the door. Her smile faded as quickly as it had arrived, and she felt her heart pounding in her chest. She had her back to the door, but the look on Henrys' face confirmed her suspicions; he was here. The sparkler slowly fizzled out.

He reached across the table and took her hand without a word.

'We should go,' she croaked, hating the emotion that felt as if it were strangling her induced by his mere presence. She stood up, releasing herself gently from Henry's touch and trying to keep her legs from buckling beneath her.

'Your cakes,' he reminded her.

'We'll take them back home,' she said quietly.

'Regina…'

His voice pierced her heart like an arrow, and she closed her eyes as if in pain at the sound of it. Tears glistened in her eyes, but she would not let them fall. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Not wanting to wait, Regina waved her hand and boxed the cupcakes up with magic though she immediately regretted her decision.

A searing pain echoed through her skull, enough to make her cry out in agony and put a hand to her forehead. She reached for the table to steady herself, but couldn't quite grasp it in time. The world went black.

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**Hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**Please leave a review, it means a lot :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you again for the amazing response to the last chapter, you are all so fabulous. I am keeping up as much as I can and am aiming to get another chapter up by Sunday, if all goes well.**

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'Mom? Mom, please…'

Henry's voice forced her to open her eyes, and she found herself on the ground with a pair of strong arms around her shoulders. As soon as she realised who those arms belonged to, she pulled away in disgust.

'Get away from me,' she hissed, though her eyes betrayed the hurt that rested beneath the anger.

'Regina, you should stay lying down for a minute,' Robin suggested.

'No, I'm fine.'

'Mom-'

'Let's go, Henry,' Regina said as she struggled to get to her feet, the familiar sensation of nausea threatening to bring her back down. The world was spinning, but her determination to put as much distance between herself and the outlaw fought against the will of her body to crumble. She picked up the box that had started all of this before walking towards the door. A hand caught her arm.

'Regina please,' Robin begged, 'you're…you're not well. Let me call Doctor Whale.'

'Don't tell me what to do,' snapped Regina, pulling her arm away from him. 'Go back to your family, thief.'

She stormed out of the diner, not daring to look back, and heard Henry coming after her.

'Mom…Mom slow down.' She stopped abruptly, cursing as tears rolled down her cheeks.

'I'm fine,' she mumbled, as he caught up to her.

'I don't think you know what that word means,' he tried to smile. 'Let me take that.'

Although it wasn't heavy, Regina was glad Henry took the box from her. She was already swaying on her heels and when she started walking again it was at a far slower pace.

At her front door, she fumbled with her keys until Henry gently took them from her and opened the door.

'You should lie down or something,' he suggested, but wasn't surprised as she shook her head.

'I…I just need some water.'

'I'll get it,' Henry said at once, running off to the kitchen glad to be of use. Regina walked into the living room and kicked off her shoes. It was taking everything she had to try and keep her meagre lunch down. She had assumed that such trivial magic would not have such a considerable effect on her, and she had assumed wrongly; this felt worse than both times before.

A lightning bolt of pain caused her to gasp and double over in shock, gripping the side of the sofa to keep herself upright. When Henry returned she could offer no words of reassurance.

'Mom!' He dropped the glass and ran to her side. 'What is it? What can I do?'

'M-my…my head…' she breathed.

'I'll get something…wait here…'

'No-'

Henry ran up the stairs two at a time, knowing precisely where his mother kept the aspirin in the bathroom cabinet. In his haste, he opened it and toppled half of the contents to the floor. Reaching down he saw the small bottle of white pills, but before he could run back downstairs something else caught his eye.

Although still only 13, Henry knew what a pregnancy test looked like. It had fallen out of the box, though it was clear it had been previously opened, and despite his worry for his mother he couldn't help his curiosity. A hundred questions were running through his mind and he knew the quickest way to answer them. Picking it up and turning it over, he read the small pink plus sign and his mouth fell open. He was going to be a big brother.

Xxx

The pain passed reasonably quickly, for which Regina was thankful, but she was left feeling weak. She was clinging onto the back of the sofa, breathing heavily as she tried to recover from yet another blow to her fragile body. As she heard her son coming down the stairs, Regina cleared her throat and steadied herself as much as she could.

'I'm fine now, Henry,' she assured him, 'I just…just need a moment.'

'You're pregnant?'

Regina didn't know what to say. His voice was so small, curious yet almost fearful; he sounded just as he had done when he was a little boy. She forced herself to stand up straight and turned to look at him.

'H-how…how did you…' she started, the question she intended to ask not quite coming together.

'I went for some aspirin in your bathroom cabinet,' he explained quietly, 'and I found…'

He didn't need to say it, for she knew what he meant and nodded slowly. Silence fell for a moment.

'So…so you are?' asked Henry gingerly. 'You are pregnant?'

'Yes,' Regina whispered, tears pooling in her eyes, 'yes I…I'm…'

Her bottom lip trembled as she couldn't bring herself to say the word. She had thought that if she didn't say it then it wouldn't be real, but now that Henry knew there was no denying it anymore.

'Is that why you fainted today?'

Regina nodded, trying her best to hold herself together.

'It has magic, the…' She swallowed. She could almost hear the word baby coming from her lips, but she held it back. It wasn't yet, not really. Just cells, she tried to convince herself. But that wasn't what it felt like inside her, warm and glowing with the potential of everything it could be.

'It has magic,' Regina tried again, clearing her throat, 'even at this early stage. Young, pure, untamed magic that doesn't play well with my own. Whenever I try to use my powers it backfires on me.'

Henry moved closer towards her, until he was standing right in front of her with a confused expression taking hold of his features. He was struggling to know how to feel, caught in a void between sadness and excitement as he considered the situation. He was worried for his mother, for her health and for her happiness. Although Henry could see that a baby would make her happy, giving her something she craved but he couldn't quite give her anymore, he also knew that right now she couldn't see that herself.

'Will you be okay Mom?'

Regina reached out and gently brushed his hair from his face.

'I'm just tired, that's all. I shouldn't use magic; it leaves me with such little energy.'

'That's not an answer,' Henry reminded her gently, putting his hand over hers.

Regina hadn't answered, because she couldn't. She didn't know whether she was going to be okay, because all she could see was the chasm of darkness which was currently surrounding her. There was pain in her past, her present, and most likely her future and she couldn't see beyond that pain.

_'I thought you were dead, I thought I'd never see you again'_

Even the memory of those words still had the power to hurt her.

She opened her mouth, but there was nothing to say. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she finally allowed herself to fall apart, a sob escaping instead of the false reassurances she had prepared for her son.

Henry hugged her tightly, his own eyes burning as further sobs caused her body to shake. He had never seen her like this, and he suspected very few had before, and he had to admit that it scared him. But Henry knew that he had to be strong. He knew how much his mother needed him, no matter how much she would protest, so he held her in his arms as she cried and rubbed her back to give her comfort. It was all he could do, but it was just what she needed.

He persuaded her to sit down on the sofa, once she had finally managed to stop crying, and he helped her when she stumbled.

'Tired,' she muttered, though her discomfort was plain to see as she rubbed her temples.

'Isn't there something that can make you feel better? I mean, surely people with magic have been pregnant before.'

'It's rare for both mother and child to possess innate magic,' she explained wearily, 'but it happens. I can't risk using magic, even just making potions could set something off; I don't think I can risk this happening again.'

'Can someone else-'

'There's no-one I can trust, Henry. No-one but you. Besides, if I asked Mr. Gold he would find a way to use it against me, and the last person on Earth I would trust with my welfare is the Blue Fairy.'

'What about Tinker Bell?'

'No,' Regina cut him off quickly.

'She's nice, she can-'

'I said no,' she repeated as calmly as she could. She could almost hear the conversation with the green creature in her head as she tried to persuade her to go after Robin. Regina didn't need hopeless optimism, and she certainly didn't want any more advice from the fairy who had led her to the man who broke her heart.

'You need to let people help you Mom, please,' Henry begged.

'You've helped me enough,' Regina smiled weakly, wishing it was the truth. Her eyes were beginning to droop closed, the weight of the past few days feeling heavier on her shoulders.

'At least lie down,' he bargained, and the brunette didn't protest as she let her body sag into the sofa, resting her head on Henry's lap.

'What would I do without you,' she whispered as her eyes closed.

Henry reached behind him and pulled a throw over them both.

'Sweet dreams Mom,' he whispered, but her breaths had already slowed and for the first time in what seemed like forever, Regina slept undisturbed.

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**Hope you enjoyed the chapter; I just had to write some Henry and Regina, I can imagine him being her rock in this situation. **

**Robin will be appearing soon with his views on what has happened, so he is coming eventually.**

**Please leave a review, thank you :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**I can't thank everyone enough for the response to the last chapter. Thank you all so much and I hope you enjoy this update, the next one should be mid-week.**

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Regina woke the next morning as sunlight gently streamed through a crack in the curtains and coaxed her out of her thankfully dreamless sleep. It was only the first hours of the morning, but without demons to plague her as soon as she closed her eyes Regina felt fully rested. Lifting her head slowly she adjusted to the sudden onset of consciousness, blinking until her eyes were used to the light.

She shrugged off the throw that had been placed over her and sat up. Looking down at herself Regina realised that she had slept fully clothed, her coat was even buttoned, and she groaned at the thought of making her way upstairs to change.

She hadn't intended on falling asleep, but it had just happened as though she had no control over it at all. As soon as her head had settled on Henry's lap, she had been out like a light. Regina's head snapped to look at the sofa where a pillow had replaced her son, and she felt her heart racing.

'Henry?' she called, trying to hide the slight distress in her tone.

'I'm here Mom.'

Regina breathed a steady sigh, and a relieved smile spread across her face as he walked in the room.

'What are you doing up so early?'

'I made you some tea.' Henry held the steaming mug towards her and she accepted it gratefully, sitting up straighter and wrapping her fingers around its warmth.

'How are you feeling?' he asked gingerly.

'Better,' Regina answered, and for the first time in a while it was the truth. Though still feeling a little weaker than usual, the chance to get a decent night's sleep had cleared her head.

'Do you want me to make you anything to eat?'

She shook her head and he frowned at her, as though their roles were reversed and he was now the disapproving parent.

'Mom, you have to eat,' he warned her. 'You hardly touched your salad yesterday and you slept through dinner. Just some toast?'

Regina chuckled and gave in.

'I'll have some toast, I swear, just…just sit here with me for a minute?'

Henry obliged at once, sitting beside his mother and watching her intently. She took a drink of her tea, the liquid burning pleasantly as it passed down her throat; she needed some fire back in her belly.

'I'm sorry, Henry,' she said eventually, looking down into her cup as if it held all of the answers.

'What for?'

'I'm supposed to be your mother, and yesterday...well I fell apart. It's not fair to put that onto you.'

Henry opened his mouth to give the usual garbled reassurances, but paused a moment to think.

'Do you remember Bert?' he asked gently. Regina's brow furrowed, and she looked up at him waiting for him to elaborate.

'He was the bear you got me for Christmas, when I was-'

'Three years old,' she finished for him, 'yes I remember. You left him on the bus on the way into town; but what does that have to do with anything?'

'When I lost Bert, I thought my world had ended,' explained Henry. 'I mean, at the time it was a big deal. He was my best friend and he was just…gone.'

'You cried for about a week, throwing all of your other toys down the stairs and saying they didn't matter anymore,' Regina smiled, reliving the fond memory over in her mind.

'You were there for me,' he pushed on, 'telling me it was going to be alright and staying with me all night when I couldn't sleep without him.'

'I'm surprised you can remember any of that; you were so small.'

'I do, and I remember every time you have been there for me since. You saved me from Greg, Pan, Zelena… it's my turn. Let me in, Mom, and I can help you.'

Regina sighed. 'It's not quite that simple, Henry. I haven't lost a teddy bear.'

'I know,' he admitted, 'but you're the strongest person I know. It might take time, but you will get through it. And besides, your teddy bear might come back.'

Regina didn't know what to say, her heart swelling with such pride that it felt as if her chest might burst. She put her cup on the coffee table and pulled her son close to her. She hadn't the heart to tell him that there was no hope for her and Robin, that she knew she had lost him just as surely as Henry would never see his bear again. Resting her chin on top of his head, she let out a shuddering breath as she held back her tears; she had cried enough in the past few days for a lifetime.

'You know what,' she said, kissing his forehead as he straightened up.

'What?'

'I don't really feel like toast anymore.'

Henry opened his mouth to complain, but Regina held up a finger to silence him.

'I think, given I slept through most of my actual birthday, that we should have cupcakes for breakfast to celebrate.'

His face broke into a wide grin.

'Chocolate or vanilla?'

'Surprise me.'

As he went to fetch their breakfast, Regina stood and stretched the stiffness from her muscles. She heard the familiar melody of her phone as it rang, but as she reached into her coat pockets she couldn't find it. She checked the sofa where she had spent the night, but it was nowhere to be seen.

'Henry,' she called, 'have you seen my phone?'

He came in, holding a plate adorned with two cupcakes and looking very sheepish. Regina noticed the ringing getting louder as he entered.

'I…er…' he started as he took her phone from his jacket pocket and handed it to her. The call went unanswered.

'Don't be mad,' he said quickly.

'Why would I be mad?' Regina cocked an eyebrow, suspicion rising.

'Erm…because…' Henry struggled to find the words, but was saved from an explanation as the doorbell rang.

'That,' he grimaced. She walked towards the hallway, Henry following slowly.

'Henry…what did you do?' asked Regina in a tone Henry knew all too well as the '_you're in trouble mister'_ voice.

'I'm going to go and pick up a few things from Emma's,' he pecked her on the cheek, handed her the plate taking a cake for himself, and ran to the front door before she had a chance to react. 'I'll be back in a bit.'

'Henry-'

'Bye Mom.'

He opened the door and nodded towards the person standing there before racing past her. Regina rolled her eyes once she saw who it was.

'Hello Regina,' Tinker Bell said far too brightly.

Xxx

Robin sat on a log just outside the Merry Men's camp, watching the sun rising. It was so peaceful at this time of the morning, before anyone else had started to stir, and he was left alone with his thoughts. His choice.

Seeing Regina had thrown him completely. As soon as he had walked into the diner and noticed she was there, she had taken his breath away. Her name had spilled from his lips almost involuntarily, and he watched her stiffen, avoiding his gaze.

When she had fallen fear had coursed through his veins like poison, setting his senses on fire. He wasn't quick enough to catch her, and as he fell to his knees beside her Robin had said a silent prayer. _Not before I get the chance to tell her._ He cradled her as Henry screamed at her to wake up, revelling in the feeling of having her in his arms again but hating what it had taken to get her there.

She was beautiful, pale skin against raven hair and lips the same colour as the apples in her garden. But something was wrong. It was as if he could feel it just in holding her, and it made his skin prickle with worry. Robin knew that he should have trusted his instincts earlier, persuaded her to go to the doctor when she had collapsed that morning in the diner so long ago, but he hadn't and it had cost her. If he could turn back time…well, he honestly didn't know what he would do. It was all such a mess.

_Go back to your family, thief._

It had pained him to have to let her go, to not run after her and beg her forgiveness. For a moment their gazes had locked, and despite the anger in her expression her eyes told him everything he needed to know. They were glossed with unshed tears, glistening with fear and the sort of inner pain that no pill could cure. Knowing he had done that to her made Robin feel as if he were two feet tall, and it had kept him awake the previous night.

'Robin?'

He turned to see Marian walking towards him, cloak wrapped around her against the morning chill and a weak smile on her face.

'What are you doing up so early?'

'I just couldn't get to sleep,' he answered honestly. Marian reached up and kissed him, but she could feel at once that his heart wasn't in it.

'What's wrong?' she asked, fearing the answer. When he didn't reply to her straight away, she knew. She swallowed, trying to fight the emotion threatening to overwhelm her and remain calm.

'Her again,' Marian shook her head, 'have you seen her?'

'Yes,' admitted Robin, seeing no point in lying to his wife.

'Robin…I asked you not to.'

'It wasn't planned,' he said, defending himself. 'I went into the diner to get some lunch and she was there, I didn't seek her out.'

The night that Marian had returned, she had told him about her captivity at the hands of the queen. He had in turn told her about his relationship with Regina, though had reduced its importance somewhat to spare her feelings and perhaps his own. It had been understandable when Marian had asked that he didn't see her again, and he had accepted her terms. She had been shaken by everything that had happened, and Robin hadn't wanted to upset her further.

It was the coward's way out and he knew it. He tried to justify such a promise, saying that he would only upset Regina by going after her and she wouldn't open the door to him anyway, but he knew those were poor excuses. He thought not seeing Regina would make it easier, but in fact the past week had been incredibly difficult. Having Marian back was a blessing, and seeing Roland so happy was more than he could have asked for; but he couldn't enjoy it, not fully. Not knowing how much hurt he had caused.

'You know what she did to me, to our family,' Marian reminded him.

'That's not who she is anymore. The woman who imprisoned you is not the same person as the Regina I know. She's changed, Marian, I've seen it.'

'The Evil Queen tried to kill me, or have you forgotten that?' she argued. 'She would have, if it weren't for Emma. I can't forget what she did, no matter how much you say she has changed.'

'The people here have forgiven her. She has a son-'

'Good,' Marian cut him off gently, 'then leave her to her own family, and come back to ours. If she has changed as you say, then we can all get on with our lives without disturbance. I will try to forgive her, I promise you that. Just…please, Robin. Let's forget about Regina and cherish what we have, what we thought we had lost.'

He nodded, and interlaced his fingers with hers as they walked back towards the tent where their son was still sleeping. Robin did love Marian, part of him always had even when he had thought her dead; none of this was her fault.

He was stuck in the middle, his past and present colliding and offering him a choice of who could be part of his future. It was a choice he knew that he had to make, once and for all, but he feared the finality and the consequences. But every day Robin stayed in the eye of the storm, the more damage the hurricane around him would cause.

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**Thank you so much for reading and hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Continued massive thank you to everyone who has been leaving reviews :) Will try to update as much as possible in thanks. I am off next week without internet, so I will try and get another chapter up before I go and have one ready for when I come back.**

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'Can I come in?' asked Tinker Bell as she walked through the door, clearly not wanting to wait for an answer.

'What are you doing here?' Regina groaned, putting the plate on a side table and unbuttoning her coat.

'Henry called last night,' she explained, 'he's worried about you.'

'I'll be fine; I just need to be left in peace.'

Regina didn't even have the strength to argue with her. She hung up her coat in the wardrobe by the door and turned to her unwanted visitor, folding her arms over her chest and waiting for her to leave.

'I have known you for a long time Regina, and you are not fine.'

'I didn't say I was, I said I will be,' Regina mumbled.

'You look like hell.'

'Thank you for that uplifting observation, now will you kindly leave my house?'

Tinker Bell looked her up and down, noticing the tiredness of Regina's eyes and the waxy pallor of her skin; she certainly was not alright. But then, as realisation dawned on her, her eyes grew wide. She bit her lip, not quite sure how to broach the subject.

'Did you know you…er…'

'What?' sighed Regina heavily.

'You're…erm…pregnant…'

Xxx

Henry walked into the apartment to see Emma, David and Mary Margaret drinking coffee around the table. He had texted to say that he was coming over and he suspected that he had woken them up at such an hour, but they were keen to hear his news and insisted they didn't mind when he apologised.

'We were up with Neal anyway,' Mary Margaret assured him, cradling the sleeping baby in her arms. 'How is she?'

'Not good,' Henry admitted, taking a seat beside his grandmother, 'but…it's complicated.'

'Does she still want to kill me?' Emma mumbled.

'Quite probably, but she has a lot of stuff to deal with right now so you're not in immediate danger. I just wouldn't go near her for a while, a long while…possibly forever.'

'You know that I didn't mean to hurt Regina, I just-'

'I know,' Henry said, saving Emma from an explanation. 'I can understand why you saved Marian but I don't think you can expect my Mom to, at least not yet. I don't think she'd even left the house until yesterday, and that didn't go too well.'

'What happened?' Mary Margaret probed.

'We went to the diner for lunch and she saw Robin,' Henry told her. 'She didn't react too well to seeing him and, well, like I said, it's complicated. I think I should stay with her for a while.'

'Are you sure? What about school?' Emma interjected.

'I did go to school when I lived with her before, she knows the routine,' he reminded her.

'Of course,' she blushed, heat rising in her cheeks.

'She's all alone in that house, and I don't think it's done her any good. I just want to make sure she's okay.'

'If you think it's best,' smiled Mary Margaret.

'I'll grab a bag and keep you posted,' Henry said as he got up.

'You'll be okay?' asked Emma.

'It's not me anyone should worry about,' he answered sadly.

Xxx

Regina stared at Tinker Bell, her mouth falling slightly open.

'How did you…' she started, before looking down at herself self-consciously. She didn't look any different, not that she could tell, but there was no other way for the fairy to have known.

'It's not that,' Tink added quickly, not wanting to offend, 'I mean, you look rough, but not in that way.'

'What then?' asked Regina, her fingernails digging into the skin of her arms subconsciously as she wrapped her arms tighter around her middle.

'I can sense it,' the younger woman explained. 'I could feel the magic before I even got here, but I didn't know what was causing it until I came in; I'm not that adept at sensing specific magic. Can't you?'

'Yes,' Regina admitted, 'I can feel it too, but I didn't think it was powerful enough to resonate beyond my body. I'm not even…it's only been a few weeks.'

'It has intertwined with your own magic, and the shift of that balance can be felt from far away.'

A dark thought crossed Regina's mind and she began to panic, running her fingers through her hair.

'What is it?' asked Tinker Bell as she noticed the change in the brunette's demeanour.

'If you can sense it, then surely others can,' Regina thought aloud. 'Gold…he'll know, he's always been good at picking up magical traces. And Mother Superior, oh God.'

'They wouldn't do anything though, would they?'

'I don't know.' Regina couldn't shake the sense of panic growing inside of her. Mother Superior should be harmless, as long as kept quiet and didn't disturb the peace. She couldn't trust Mr. Gold, of that she was certain, but unless there was profit in it for him he shouldn't wish to harm her child. Yet he took advantage of powerful people, and Regina knew that her baby would have power far beyond her own.

But if they knew, it wouldn't be long before the rest of the town knew her secret; and that meant Robin. Perhaps that is what she feared most of all. As all of this ran through her mind, Regina began to hyperventilate.

'Hey,' Tink said gently, putting a hand on Regina's arm and bringing her back, 'you've got to stay calm, okay? They're not going to hurt you, or your baby; they have no reason to. Shall I make us some coffee?'

Regina nodded, but her heart was still hammering inside her chest.

They walked slowly to the kitchen, where Regina sat with her head in her hands trying to control her breathing as Tinker Bell poured hot water into two cups.

'It's such a mess,' she moaned, as she accepted the coffee.

'The pixie dust didn't lie Regina; Robin is your true love.'

'Tell that to his wife,' she answered sarcastically, but it poorly masked the hurt beneath.

'Think about it,' Tink pondered, sitting beside Regina at the counter, 'that night at the tavern, it was before he met Marian. You two were destined for each other before she came along.'

'They have a son, they're a family. We were only together for a short time; I don't compare to her.'

'What makes you and your baby any less of a family?'

Regina put a hand protectively over her flat stomach and shook her head.

'I missed my chance,' she said sadly, knowing it was the truth. 'It's his wife, not just some ex-girlfriend. They had years together, they built a life; my…this isn't going to change that. It's my own fault.'

Tinker Bell took Regina's hand and squeezed it.

'It's not over-'

'No, it is,' the brunette cut her off, a tear slipping down her cheek, 'and pretending there is any future with him only makes it harder. He didn't even bother to find me after what happened at the diner. He has what he's always wanted.'

'I've never seen the Queen give up so easily,' Tink, frustrated by Regina's defeated attitude, 'you have to fight for what you want.'

'I'm no Queen,' Regina muttered, 'not anymore.'

Tinker Bell shook her head, not knowing what else to say. She had seen Regina at her lowest - throwing herself from the balcony by accident or, as Tink suspected, not; running away from her chance at happiness; searching for her son in Neverland….but she had always had strength, and proud determination. No matter how scared or lost she was, Regina had always wanted to fight it. Now, it seemed as if all of the fight was gone from her, and that worried the fairy more than anything else.

'I can talk to him, if you want?' she offered, but Regina shook her head.

'I'm not that much of a coward. I know that I have to tell him eventually; if Gold knows, then he will have told Belle. If Belle knows, then soon Ruby will know and Granny, Snow…it won't take long to get around. I don't want him to hear it from someone else.'

'It'll be difficult, but I think talking to him will be good for you. Maybe he'll surprise you-'

'And what?' snapped Regina bitterly. 'Will he tell me he's sorry he ignored me, sorry he broke my heart? Beg my forgiveness, perhaps? Hell, maybe he will confess his love and leave his wife to be with me right there and then before I even tell him about the baby.'

'He might,' Tink said quietly. 'It's not impossible.'

Regina let out a groan and pulled her hand away. Hope. It twisted like knots in her stomach, making everything feel so much worse. She knew that when she talked to Robin he'd be kind, understanding, say all of the right things; but he would never leave his family, not for her. It was a dream, poisonous in its unattainable beauty, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't banish it from her mind. Yet she knew that holding on to this dream would only make it that much worse when it was taken from her.

Her head began to throb, and she reached a hand to her forehead as if that would take the pain away. Regina closed her eyes, breathing deeply, but it didn't help. Magic always came with a price, and even using a simple spell had cost her dearly.

'Regina, are you alright?' Tink asked, watching the older woman grimace.

'I'll be okay,' she insisted, 'it'll pass.'

But the colour had drained from her face, leaving her skin ghostly pale, and she felt her hands beginning to tremble.

'God you're stubborn,' the fairy grumbled, 'what happened? What did you do?'

'I used magic,' Regina breathed, fighting to open her eyes but finding that she couldn't tolerate the bright light coming through the window.

'Magic? But why would that – Oh…' Tinker Bell's eyes flicked to Regina's abdomen and although there was no physical evidence of change, she could feel the swell of magic growing.

'But…that's not supposed to happen yet. Magical conflict is not usually an issue until just before the baby is born.'

'Tell me about it,' Regina said through gritted teeth. The pain was beginning to subside, though it felt as if the energy had been pulled from her body and her head felt unusually heavy.

'It's gone.'

'For now,' Tink added. 'Has it been getting worse?'

Regina's silence answered the question. She lifted her head and rubbed the back of her neck,

'Whenever I use magic, the effects are more severe,' she explained reluctantly. 'Even when I don't…'

'Why didn't you say?' The blonde smiled, far too perkily, and Regina rolled her eyes.

'I may not give the best advice, but this I can help you with.'

Regina creased her brow, and watched as Tinker Bell opened her palm. A small bottle of bright green liquid appeared, and she handed it to the former queen who took it reluctantly.

'Fairies are quite good healers; some even dabble in midwifery,' she explained. 'Magical conflict can be nasty. If it's this bad now…well, let's just not let it get any worse.'

'What is it?' asked Regina, examining the bottle.

'Herbs, mostly, with a little pixie dust mixed in. It aims to separate your magic from your baby's, and stop any adverse effects. Should keep you healthy too, given you still look as if you're about to collapse. You won't be able to use magic fully, but a few small spells in an emergency won't do you any damage. Just put a drop in a glass of water.'

Delicately letting herself down from the counter and steadying herself before starting to move, Regina walked over to the sink and filled a glass with water. She hated asking for help, it was against everything her mother had ever taught her, but she knew that without a way to keep herself physically strong there was no hope for her or her child.

'You're sure this will work?' she asked, unstopping the bottle with a still trembling hand.

'Positive,' Tink assured her.

Regina carefully tilted the bottle and a single drop fell into the glass, turning it momentarily a brilliant green before it faded back to its normal clarity.

_For you_ she thought, as she brought the water to her lips and took a deep drink.

At first, nothing happened. Regina sighed, sure that it hadn't worked, until she felt something not unlike a breath of wind rush through her. She gasped, dropping the glass which shattered to the floor as she felt a light tingling course through her veins. It only lasted a few seconds, but as she waited to see what had happened those seconds spanned a lifetime.

And then it was over. Allowing herself to breathe, Regina could already sense the benefits washing over her. She was in no pain, not even the residual hum of the headache which had gripped her only moments earlier, and her body felt stronger.

'Well?' asked Tinker Bell. Regina flexed her fingers and motioned towards the shattered glass on the ground. At her command it lifted, reformed, and placed itself calmly on the counter. No pain. She allowed a small smile to pass over her lips, and placed a hand on her abdomen. She could feel the familiar warmth of her child's power, but it was settled.

'Steady on,' the fairy warned, 'you're not up to full strength yet. That might be all you're capable of for a few weeks.'

Regina walked over to Tinker Bell, and placed a hand on her arm.

'Thank you,' she said gratefully, and Tink knew that she meant it.

'Any time,' she smiled back at the brunette.

Xxx

'Mom?' Henry called as he opened the door to the mansion.

'In the kitchen,' Regina called, and Henry had to stop himself from running to meet her. He walked in to see her cracking eggs into a bowl, as if she hadn't another care in the world.

'I thought I'd make us a proper breakfast.'

'Where's Tinker Bell?'

'She just left a few minutes ago,' Regina explained.

'Are you mad?' mumbled Henry, preparing himself for a lecture. Regina walked over to him and cupped his cheek, her thumb gently stroking his soft skin. He looked up at her, relieved to see not a hint of anger or disappointment.

'No of course not,' she assured him. 'You did what you thought was best, and of course you were right. I can't hide away forever, and Tink actually proved to be of some help.'

'With Robin?' he asked eagerly. Regina's smile faltered, and she tried to mask it by turning back to whisk the eggs.

'She gave me a potion to stop the baby's magic affecting me. I can do a bit of magic, only if I have to, but it should stop me feeling quite so…under the weather.'

'Mom?'

'Yes dear?'

'You called it a baby.'

Regina froze. She hadn't even thought about it; the word had just slipped naturally from her lips. Before now she had chosen not to refer to the child growing inside her as anything besides it, at least not out loud. It made it real.

'Yes…I suppose I did.' She couldn't help the smile spreading across her face. Henry stepped closer, and Regina turned back to face him with glistening eyes – happy tears.

'I'm going to have a baby.'

The smile was infectious as Henry beamed at her, and hugged her tightly. Nestling in Henry's hair Regina felt a surge of joy which, for now at least, banished her demons to the darkness. She had her son, she had her child…she wasn't alone. But a niggling voice in the back of her mind warned her of the truth she was desperate to deny.

The more she hoped for a better future, the more she stood to lose. Hope was dangerous, but she had allowed it entry into her heart and Regina prayed she would not have to weather the consequences. She had to tell Robin.

Xxx

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**Next chapter Regina and Robin will talk, I promise! Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it and please leave a review :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**As always thank you so so so much everyone for your reviews it means the absolute world after a difficult week. **

**I am away from tomorrow, Sunday 22nd, until Saturday the 28th so that's the next time I will aim to get a chapter up by Sunday the 29th but sorry for the wait and I will make that chapter longer as an apology.**

**Also I just saw that this story has been added to an outlaw queen community for fanfics. I am so happy I can't even describe it. **

**Thank you all so much for your support.**

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'I don't have to go,' Henry tried, not for the first time that morning.

'It's school, Henry, of course you have to go.'

'I'm thirteen, one day off won't kill me.'

'Henry,' Regina sighed, passing him the lunch she had made that morning over the kitchen countertop, 'I'm not going to fall apart if you go to school. I will be perfectly fine, and I'll have dinner waiting when you get home; I promise.'

She kissed his forehead ending the argument but Henry still narrowed his eyes, unconvinced.

'Are you feeling okay?' he quizzed. Regina folded her arms across her chest.

'Perfectly well.''

'Did you take the potion?'

'At 8 on the dot. Satisfied?'

Henry grumbled, but said no more and Regina smiled with the gratification of a small victory.

'You're not going to work though,' he ordered her, 'you need to rest, at least for today.'

'No,' admitted Regina, dropping her gaze, 'I'm not.' Henry noticed, but when Regina pointed out the time to him he had to concede defeat; he was already late.

'Ugh, I'll go, just…be okay?' His voice was vulnerable, as if he were on some level pleading with her to be alright, and Regina's heart swelled at his concern.

'I promised didn't I? Now go! I love you'

'Love you too,' he called as he ran to the door.

Once she had the house to herself, Regina could let out the breath she had been holding. She paced for a while, wringing her hands and trying to calm herself down. Tinker Bell had been right - she had to talk to him.

The longer she waited, the more time she would have to wonder and it was the wondering that had kept her awake last night; whether he was sorry, whether he had ever loved her, whether he would be there for their child. Regina had to know. She had to hear it from his lips before she could resign herself to life without him. Part of her still hoped that she wouldn't have to.

She had started the message a thousand times in her head, but as she took her phone from her pocket Regina still didn't know what to say. Taking a deep breath, she bit the bullet and started typing deciding to keep it simple and explain the rest face to face; it was only fair that he should hear it from her.

_Robin,_

_We need to talk. Meet me at Granny's in an hour._

Her thumb hovered over the x but she held back, knowing it would only complicate things. Her heart pounded as she pressed send.

The next minute of her life seemed to drag on for about a week, and although she had been waiting for it the vibration of the phone in her hand caused her to jump and almost drop it. She opened the message and saw the four words it contained.

_Okay. See you then._

She didn't know what she had expected, but she was almost disappointed that it gave her no glimpse into what he was thinking. Regina let out a frustrated groan and dropped the phone on the side, as if scolding it for not giving her what she desired.

She rested her elbows on the counter and dropped her head into her hands. An hour. Part of her wished that it was now, tired of waiting and guessing, but part of her would never be completely ready.

She started pacing again.

Xxx

Robin had been sat at a booth in Granny's for twenty minutes, not wanting to be late. Every time the door opened his head shot up expectantly, but so far he had been disappointed. He had left Roland with Marian, claiming to be helping David out at the Sheriff's office for the morning. Although he hated lying, Robin knew that he had to come. She wanted to see him, she wanted to talk, and that made his heart skip a beat.

Despite preparing several speeches in his mind he still didn't know what he was going to say, and when he finally looked up to see Regina walking into the diner everything else melted away. She was breathtaking, her simple black dress showing off every curve of her body and her red lips glowing as though in invitation. Robin swallowed thickly, trying to find a word that wasn't wow to greet her with.

Regina tried to keep an air of confidence as she walked over to the booth where he was waiting for her, but her thoughts were screaming inside her head and she wanted nothing more than to run away. She felt sick, but whether this was from fear or excitement she couldn't say; perhaps it was a combination of the two. Her eyes locked with his as she sat across from him, so kind and warm that she felt as if she were melting into his gaze.

They sat for a moment, surrounded by a silence filled with unspoken feelings.

'Hi,' Robin said eventually, shattering the tension between them.

'Hi.'

Regina felt tears rising, and dropped her gaze to where her hands lay clasped together on the table before her. The effect he had on her was profound, even though he was just sitting across the table. He didn't need to touch her to set her heart racing; a single syllable uttered in his breathy tone was enough.

'How are you feeling?' he asked, concern interlaced in his attempt at a casual tone.

'Better, thank you.' She tried to smile, but couldn't.

'I'm glad. You look better.'

The silence settled again, neither knowing how to begin to start talking again. Regina's eyes flicked up to Robin's face, and she saw that he was watching her as if asking her permission. She went back to staring at her hands, unable to hold his gaze in fear that it would break her apart.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered.

'Robin, I have to-'

'No,' he stopped her gently, 'please…let me say this.' She pursed her lips, a sign he took as one to continue.

'I'm sorry for what happened. I never wanted to hurt you, but I know that I did and it has been killing me ever since. When I saw Marian, I was so shocked that I forgot about everything else. It was selfish of me and I wish I could take it back, do things differently…'

'Your wife came back from the dead,' Regina said quietly, 'it's not something you can ever be prepared for. I understand.'

'You shouldn't have to,' Robin muttered, shaking his head. 'When I turned and you were gone I realised what I had done, what I had said; I should have come after you.'

'Why didn't you?' asked Regina, hating the vulnerability in such a question but needing to know the answer.

'I was a coward,' he admitted. 'I didn't want to face the truth, so I hid from it. I promised Marian that I wouldn't see you, and I thought I could do it…but I can't. I've never felt so empty than I have without you in my life Regina.'

Her lip wobbled, a tear escaping and caressing her cheek.

'I waited,' she breathed through the lump of emotion growing in her chest, 'alone in that big, empty house. I waited for you to come and find me, even just to say goodbye.'

'I'm sorry,' he choked, holding back a sob of his own. 'I wish I could take it back, believe me I do. When I saw you the other day I realised that I had been kidding myself in thinking I could ever even try to forget you. I don't want to.'

'You threw me aside as soon as she came back,' Regina cried. 'I deserved better than that.'

'I know,' Robin admitted solemnly. 'I wish I could make it up to you, but I can't change the past. But I can say this.'

He took Regina's trembling hands, enveloping them in his own and brushing a thumb gently across her knuckles. She lifted her head, her watery eyes meeting his, and her heart stopped. This was it.

'I…'

'What?'

Robin took a deep breath.

'I care about you, Regina.'

Regina closed her eyes, tears spilling down her cheeks. Her world fell apart. She had given him the chance, opened her heart reluctantly and invited him to take it back in spite of everything; he had failed. When push came to shove he couldn't say it. He didn't love her.

It was the oddest feeling, having your heart ripped out. Regina had only ever done it to herself, and although it was incredibly painful it was nothing in comparison to this. Her body shook, as she held back the tidal wave building up inside of her. She wanted to scream. That hope she had dared to hang on to, to cultivate, was gone and without it she felt like an empty shell.

She was aware that he was still holding her hands, still talking to her but she couldn't hear what he was saying through the fog. It didn't matter anyway. She had proven the fairy wrong at least, Regina thought with a dark twist of humour that made her want to both laugh and cry.

'Regina? Regina are you alright?'

She opened her eyes, breathing out deeply to try and steady herself. Removing her hands from his reassuring grip, she wiped away the tears from her eyes and felt eerily calm; she knew what she had to do.

'I'm fine,' she smiled falsely. 'I forgive you. Of course I do, how could I not? It's not your fault that Marian came back. You were only reacting as anyone would; if it were Daniel I would have done the same.'

They both knew that wasn't true.

'I…' he stuttered, confused by her sudden change in demeanour.

'She's your wife, Robin, and she is Roland's mother; this was only ever going to end one way. I'm not going to break up your family.'

'Regina-'

'No,' she interrupted him, 'no I know what you're going to say, and there is no need. The facts are quite simple: we were together, yes, for a brief amount of time. And it was special, it was wonderful, but now Marian is back. I can't compete with your wife, and I won't. You said it yourself - you would have walked through hell to be with her again; now you have that chance. Don't throw it away.'

Regina paused, gathering all of her strength.

'Wh-what…what about you?' Robin asked.

'I'll be alright,' she said, although she was sure it wasn't the truth. 'Not many people get a second chance, dear.'

Regina looked over his face, mapping every feature to memory and taking in his intoxicating forest smell. She knew that this would be the last time they would see each other and she wanted to remember him. She fought the urge to reach out and stroke the stubble of his cheek, wanting so badly to touch him one last time.

'I think we can be civil when called for, but it might be better for both of us if we didn't see each other…at all.'

'Regina please don't do this-'

'Thank you,' Regina said as she stood up, cutting him off, 'for everything; for allowing me to say a proper goodbye.' She turned and started walking, knowing that if she looked back she would be lost. Robin stood clumsily, knocking the table as a tear slipped down his cheek.

'Regina,' he called, but she kept going. He slammed his fist to the table with a frustrated sob. 'REGINA!'

She walked out of the diner and kept on walking. The wind was icy cold against her skin, feeling like a slap in the face. It was over. It was actually over. She had pushed him away, as she had so many others, and now he was gone. _It was for the best_, she told herself as if that were of any comfort, _he didn't love you._

The familiarity of the route rather than her own co-ordination brought her back to her home. Empty. Once the door slammed closed behind her, Regina stood alone in the hallway and everything hit her at once.

She screamed. It was all she could do.

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**Sorry it wasn't quite a reunion, but we're only just getting started don't lose hope! Starting the next chapter tonight so I can finish it when I get back; no internet for a week, not sure I will survive.**

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter and please leave a review, they make my day :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm back from holidays and have a longer chapter to thank you all for waiting. So thankful for all of the support again, you are all the best! I had a bit of trouble writing this as it seems a little OOC, but I think that's just the sort of state Regina is in at the moment. **

**Thanks again and enjoy the chapter.**

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Regina screamed, filling the house with the haunting sound of pain and anguish. Tears seemed to burn her skin as they fell, scarring her cheeks. Her hands went to her head, her fingers intertwining with her hair as she clawed at her skull as if that would make the pain go away. Her throat constricted, a choked sob forcing its way from her lips. She couldn't breathe. It felt like dying.

'No,' she whispered, shaking her head as what happened at the diner began to sink in. Closing her eyes she tightened her grip on her head, doubling over as if she had been physically harmed.

'NO' she cried, feeling magic surge involuntarily within her and erupt outwards in a wave which broke every mirror on the first floor. Glass shattered as her heart broke, littering the floor with glistening shards.

Regina swayed a little where she stood but kept herself standing. She was tired of being strong, of telling everyone that she was fine when it couldn't be further from the truth. She had lost him. There had been a moment when his hands had held hers with such care, that she had thought it could all be alright again. He had sounded so sincere, so upset that he had hurt her; all he had to do was tell her that he loved her.

The hope that had given her such a lift now churned uncomfortably within her as it turned to despair. She felt the once familiar sensation of anger pulsing with every beat of her heart. Her mother had been right; love was pointless, a growth that took root inside of you and slowly weakened you. Thinking of her mother only served to fuel her growing rage.

The chance had been laid before him, as clear as day, but he couldn't do it. Three simple words. Those words could have saved her, but instead he let her fall and Regina had pushed him away as she had done to everyone else. She knew that if he didn't love her then she had to let him go, to finish whatever it was they had once and for all.

But it hurt. It hurt so much, with such finality, that she couldn't draw breath. Knowing it was the right thing to do didn't make it any easier. Regina had tried to change, to be a better person, and this was where doing the right thing had led her.

Her anger built inside her chest, and with it came a swell of magic so powerful sparks flew from her fingertips; anger at herself, at her life, and anger with Robin. She had given him her heart and he had crushed it, as she had done to so many others. She wanted to hate him, but even now she knew that she couldn't and that only made her angrier. He had not done it out of spite and he had not meant to cause her harm, he was too kind for that. Yet still she was hurt, and she needed someone to blame.

But the only blame was on herself. This was her punishment. For years of tormenting others and bringing such unhappiness, she had cursed herself to be miserable. Her anger slowly waned, her magic retreating back. Anger had brought her this life, and Regina vowed that she would not let it take her over again. But without anger there was only sadness, and a silence that surrounded her in a suffocating embrace.

She brought her arms down, encircling her torso, and began to cry. There were no powerful sobs, no screams of grief, only a steady stream of lonely tears. There was no greatness in her sorrow, and she had lost the will to fight. Regina had been right in what she had told Tinker Bell; she was no queen. The queen was dead.

Xxx

Tinker Bell was walking into town when she saw Robin coming out of the diner. At first she smiled, offering a friendly wave, but as she came closer to him she could see that he was upset and her face fell.

'Hey,' she offered gently as they met on the pavement.

'Hi,' he mumbled.

'You okay?'

Robin looked at her and sighed heavily.

'I just saw Regina,' he said by way of an explanation.

'Oh?' the fairy remarked, feeling her heart sink. 'I'm guessing that it didn't go to plan?'

'I tried to explain everything, to apologise. We were finally having an honest conversation; she was starting to open up and then she just…changed. She said we couldn't talk again, couldn't see each other at all. I don't understand.'

'Why would she do that?' asked Tink, struggling to comprehend why Regina had pushed her true love aside.

'I don't know,' Robin shook his head, looking down to the ground. 'She said I'd been given a second chance and that I should take it, and I know she might be right…but I couldn't stand a week without her. How am I supposed last a lifetime?'

'You have to listen to your heart,' Tinker Bell told him. 'It will lead you to where you are meant to be, to what you want.'

'I don't know what I want,' he admitted sheepishly. 'It's all so…so messy. Regina deserves better than this, they both do.'

'Give yourself time. I'll talk to Regina, try and make sense of what happened. She's had a lot on her mind, she may just have overreacted.'

'Do you know what was wrong with her?' asked Robin.

'I…' she started, her suspicions that Regina hadn't yet told him of her pregnancy being confirmed.

'When I saw her in the diner on Saturday she collapsed, and even before all of this I could tell she was hiding something. She looked better this morning but I'm still worried about her, Tink. I need to know that she's okay.'

'I'm sure that Regina is fine,' Tinker Bell assured him, trying to mask the fact that she knew more than she was willing to tell him.

'She tries to hide it, make out she's indestructible; but she isn't. If never seeing me again is what she wants then fine, I'll let her do whatever she needs to to be happy. But if she's hurt, or ill, or anything…if she needs me I'll always be here. Can you make sure that she knows that?' Robin kept his voice from wavering, but his eyes swam with tears.

'Of course,' the fairy smiled sadly, 'I'll tell her, I promise.'

'Thank you,' Robin nodded in way of parting and he began walking slowly back to the woods.

Tinker Bell turned on her heel and walked back towards Mifflin Street. She had questions, and Regina had a lot to answer for.

Xxx

Tink didn't bother to knock as she approached the door, but merely pushed it open with ease. Her eyes widened as she stepped into the hallway, glass crunching beneath her boots.

'Regina?' she called, panic creeping into her tone. 'Regina, what happened?'

Tinker Bell walked further into the house, disturbed by the unsettling quiet, and was about to call again when she heard a sniff coming from the living room.

Cautiously, the petite blonde went towards the origin of the sound and saw Regina sitting on the sofa.

'Regina?'

'You again,' she said flatly, without even a hint of emotion in her tone. As Tinker Bell came closer she saw that Regina was coiled with her feet beneath her, holding a glass of water which had the subtle shimmer the fairy could recognise as the potion she had gifted her the day before. Her hands were shaking.

She had never realised how small the other woman was. Her personality had always given the illusion that she stood above everyone else, but curled in on herself with the tear tracks on her cheeks glinting in the dim light she seemed lost, almost childlike.

'I saw Robin,' Tink explained. Regina closed her eyes, his name stabbing into her already battered heart, and she gripped the glass in her hand tighter.

'He looked upset,' she continued when Regina stayed silent. 'He told me what you said, that you can't see each other anymore.'

'We can't,' Regina rasped, her voice cracking. She took a sip of the water, and opened her eyes once again to look up at the fairy. A small part of her found comfort in the fact that Robin wasn't rejoicing in their parting, but it wasn't enough to draw her out of the void which seemed to have swallowed her whole.

'Why not?' asked Tink. 'He was a mess after what you said to him; clearly he cares enough about you that the thought of not seeing you hurt him.'

Fresh tears graced Regina's cheeks as a melancholy smile spread across her face.

'That's the problem,' she whispered.

'What is?'

'He _cares,_' she said bitterly, 'that's what he told me.'

'And why is that so offensive to hear?' Tinker Bell questioned. She was growing frustrated; to her, none of this made sense.

'It's not love,' Regina clarified, her breath catching. 'He was supposed to say I love you.' She dropped her head into her free hand as sobs wracked her thin frame.

Tinker Bell's expression softened at seeing her crumble. She understood. Robin had said the wrong thing when it had mattered most, and it had cost them both. For someone already on the edge, it could only take a little push.

'That doesn't mean he doesn't love you,' Tink assured her, putting a hand on her shaking shoulder. 'He's just scared, that's all. He thought he'd lost you after what happened, and he didn't know what to say. He does love you, Regina, of course he does.'

She shook her head as she lifted it, matching Tinker Bell's reassuring gaze with one of pure hopelessness.

'You weren't there, you don't know. I gave him the chance, one last chance, but he couldn't do it. There was nothing holding him back.'

'He wasn't thinking straight,' fought Tink,' you just need to give him time-'

'I don't have time,' Regina stopped her. 'I won't wait around and hope that he might love me. And even if he does…if he can't tell me how he feels, then how can he ever love me enough to leave his wife? No. I can't live like that. I didn't have a choice, I had to tell him to go; otherwise I'd just keep getting hurt.'

Tinker Bell flopped on the couch beside Regina, sighing deeply.

'Okay,' she said finally, 'okay I get it, I do. But look at what this is doing to you. You deserve to be happy.'

'I'll live,' Regina muttered unconvincingly, in a tone which worried Tink to no end.

'And what about the baby?'

Regina visibly tensed, her free hand curling into a fist.

'Why didn't you tell him?'

'I…I couldn't,' stuttered the brunette, looking down into her lap.

'You're going to have to tell him sooner or later,' reasoned Tinker Bell, 'you can't hide in here forever.'

Regina gave a small shake of her head.

'I won't tell him,' she breathed, her voice so quiet and broken Tink could hardly make out the words, 'because he doesn't need to know.'

'What do you mean?' asked the fairy, fear knotting in her chest as she awaited the answer she suspected she already knew.

Regina took a deep breath and looked Tinker Bell in the eye.

'I can't do it.'

'What?' gasped the fairy. 'Of course you can.'

'No,' she insisted, her tone tremulous, 'I can't, I really can't. I'm not strong enough to have his baby on my own. I've already ruined Henry's childhood; I don't want to ruin hers as well.

'It's a girl?'

Regina's jaw snapped shut as she realised what she had said. Her tears cascaded freely, more a waterfall than a stream, and she breathed deeply.

'It's just a feeling,' she mumbled.

'Feelings can be powerful,' Tink reminded her gently. 'You want this baby, don't you?'

'I…it's not that simple,' Regina reasoned.

'Not everything is as complex as it seems. You don't have to sacrifice your happiness, surely you can see that. You're just scared, and that's perfectly normal. Henry grew up to be a smart, kind and brave young man, and you raised him to that; and even since then you've grown, changed for the better. You have nothing to fear from this child.'

'I just don't want to end up on my own,' sniffled Regina, voicing her greatest fear aloud.

'You will never be alone, not as long as you let people in,' Tinker Bell assured her, putting an arm around the older woman; she was surprised when Regina didn't push her away.

'If you let this baby go then you will never forgive yourself. You will regret it for the rest of your life. It will leave a hole in your heart that can never be filled; and you know how that feels. Don't put yourself through that, Regina. Be strong.'

'But I'm not strong,' Regina breathed, 'not anymore. I'm just…just so tired.'

She put her glass on the coffee table, and as she leaned back she gasped. It felt like butterflies softly fluttering in her abdomen. Regina placed a hand over her torso, her brow wrinkling with worry; but she could still feel the energy within her, stronger than ever before. As her thumb brushed softly over the material covering the place where her child was growing, a wisp of purple smoke left her fingers and seemed to melt through the fabric of her dress.

Although she didn't know what it was exactly, Regina knew what it meant. She could never bring herself to do it. She loved this baby too much already. The thought of cradling it, cradling her, in her arms lessened the ache Robin had left in her heart. She let out a shuddering breath. For her child she would find strength, she would dig deeper. She would survive.

Tinker Bell watched the former queen, knowing that she needed to say nothing more. Regina had been teetering on a precipice, and Tink wondered if she realised how close she might have come…but no. Love had pulled her back, and even if she was still broken she was not lost. She was not alone.

Xxx

'Mom?' Henry called as he burst through the door, having half run from where the school bus dropped him off. He threw his backpack aside, his thoughts only for his mother.

'In here.'

He followed her voice into the living room, where he found her taking down the last broken mirror from the wall. Her face brightened when she saw him, but Henry's heart sank as he saw the red rim to her eyes; he knew she had been crying.

'Mom…'

'I'm sorry, Henry, I didn't realise the time. I haven't even started on dinner yet,' she said, trying to sound normal.

'It's still early,' he shrugged, walking towards her.

'Looks like I couldn't quite keep my promise.'

Regina didn't want to cry. She was fed up of feeling as if she were about to fall apart every minute. But when Henry wrapped his arms around her she let one final tear escape, promising it would be her last.

'I'm fine,' she whispered.

'You're not,' he answered at once.

'I will be, though,' she swore, taking his head in her hands and placing a kiss on his forehead. 'I will, I promise.'

'Did you talk to him?'

'Yes,' answered Regina, seeing no point in lying to her son, 'but it's okay. I don't need him, do I? I have you and the baby; that's more than enough.'

'I'm sorry Mom.'

'Me too,' she admitted. 'Shall we watch some television? You can tell me about your day.'

Henry started to protest, but he realised what she was asking of him. Regina wanted to forget, to think about anything but Robin. So they turned on the TV and he told her about his day, including every last boring detail he could think of, and slowly he felt her begin to relax against him.

Xxx

The next morning Regina walked Henry to the bus stop, and he didn't complain despite being more than old enough to handle the task himself. After waving him off she turned, heading towards Mr. Gold's shop.

The bell on the door twinkled as she stepped inside to see her former mentor and his wife at the counter.

'Regina,' he smiled, looking her up and down with his beady eyes, 'so it is true.'

'Can we talk for a minute? Alone?' she asked, nodding towards Belle. Normally the younger woman would have put up a fight against Regina for being dismissed so out of hand, but she recognised the hint of desperation in Regina's tone. This wasn't about her; something wasn't quite right with the former queen, that much was clear, and she needed a confidant. Belle inclined her head and went through to the back without a word of complaint.

Once she was out of earshot, Regina turned back to Mr. Gold.

'So…you are aware of my predicament?'

'I could sense it a mile off dearie, but in this case seeing is believing. You're practically glowing.'

'It's powerful,' Regina agreed, 'I've learnt that if nothing else.'

Gold looked at her again, and despite everything between them could find no joy in her misery. She looked so fragile that he knew a few well-chosen words could break her; yet he did not feel the need. He was content with what he had, and so long as Regina did not harm Belle then she was no threat to him.

'That it is,' he nodded slowly, his voice softening from its usual mocking tone. 'Are you going to keep it?'

Regina's head snapped up to look him in the eye. Somehow he knew she had been contemplating otherwise, and she hated that he had that power over her.

'Yes,' she said hurriedly, not wanting to discuss that matter any further.

'Then what is it you need from me?'

'I…I need to know that you won't tell anyone; at least not until it becomes too obvious to ignore.'

'You haven't told him yet,' Gold worked out quickly and the shift in Regina's eyes was answer enough. 'Don't worry dearie, I'll keep your secret; it's not my news to tell. But you know, I'm sure, that it cannot be hidden forever. We are trapped in this town, and it's not the largest of places – you will have to tell Robin eventually.'

'I know,' sighed Regina, 'I just can't quite face that yet.'

'You could disguise yourself for a while-'

'I can't use magic,' she cut him off, 'not to that extent.'

'Magical conflict? Already?'

Regina nodded. 'I told you it was powerful.'

'My my…that is quite something. Your mother wasn't pained until her final months,' Gold smiled in fond memory.

'My mother?'

'Oh yes dearie,' he assured her. 'She came to me, but there was nothing much I could have done and I wasn't really in a giving mood with her at the time. You caused her quite the stir.'

Somehow, the story coaxed the corners of Regina's mouth into a smile. The facts told her that her mother was evil, and it was true; yet still there was a part of Regina's heart that would always belong to Cora. She wondered, not for the first time, whether if her heart had been returned to her unsullied then they could have started over, tried to build a better relationship. But she would only ever wonder.

Regina realised that she had drifted into a world of memories, and cleared her throat of the lump which had come to rest there. She was about to leave before she had another thought.

'I don't suppose you have anything to help with dreams,' she asked him. Robin had plagued her slumber every night since they had parted. Regina did not want to see him in waking or sleep, not until she had some time to pull herself together.

'Dreams? I'm very good with dreams,' he smiled, turning and rummaging in a cabinet filled with drawers of trinkets. He pulled out a small dream catcher, no larger than a coin, and held it up to the light.

'This should do the trick,' he stated confidently, turning and placing it in her open palm. Their skin brushed, and Regina noticed his brow wrinkle slightly.

'What is it?'

'Nothing, nothing,' he insisted quickly, 'just…there's a lot of power radiating off you, that's all.'

Regina looked at him, confused, but simply shook it off.

'What do I owe you?'

'Nothing.'

Regina raised a questioning eyebrow.

'This one's on me,' he smiled, 'congratulations.'

'Thank you,' she said, wondering if this meant a definitive end to their battle. They hadn't had much time to talk since he had returned, but Regina felt far safer after speaking with him on such good terms. She turned to go.

'Regina?'

'Yes?'

He paused for a moment, wondering quite what he meant to say.

'I'm so sorry,' he told her sincerely.

* * *

**Thanks for reading and please leave a review. Next chapter should be up midweek**


	9. Chapter 9

**Had a bit of a rough week so this update is a day later than I had planned, but I am trying to stick to a schedule so I managed to pull it together for today.**

**Thank you all so much for your reviews and I will aim to post again before the end of the week; things are just starting to get heated.**

* * *

Henry stayed with Regina for the next week, until he was convinced that she was capable of living at least partially on her own. She treasured that time, seven whole days with her son all to herself. There were moments when things were almost back to how they had been before the curse broke as they fell into their old routine of school, dinner, homework and television; but there was a greater fondness and a mutual respect that made their relationship so much stronger.

Regina couldn't deny that it was difficult to let him go back to Emma. For a while she had been able to forget, to lose herself in every precious minute with her son, but the moment he was gone it felt as if she had lost him to her all over again. But fighting to keep Henry with her permanently was only going to end in a war she wasn't strong enough to wage, at least not now, so she had to make a compromise

She had given her terms through Henry, not wanting to even speak to the woman who had betrayed her. Henry would stay with Emma during the week, and would come home to her after school on Friday. Regina would spend the weekend with him and send him to school on Monday morning, after which he would return to Emma's apartment. This way, they would never even have to meet through exchange of their son. Emma had never questioned the arrangement, for which Regina was thankful, though they both knew it was a small plaster trying to cover a gaping wound. It wouldn't last.

A month had passed, slowly but surely, and still Emma and Regina had not spoken. Regina lived for Fridays, always taking the afternoon off to prepare a special dinner for her son and tidy his room. During the week she went to work, mostly remaining reclusive in her office and avoiding anywhere she was likely to bump into Emma, Mary Margaret or Robin.

She had caught glimpses of the outlaw more than once. Several times when she had ventured to Granny's to collect her lunch order he had been there, and their eyes had met across the room; but that's all it ever was, all she allowed it to be. Regina never stopped to speak to him, knowing that it would only hurt her more, but so far even the sight of him was enough to break her heart all over again.

Gold, so far, had kept his promise and the rest of the town knew nothing about her pregnancy. She had mostly severed herself from community life in Storybrooke, choosing the safety of isolation. Her knowledge of the town's workings allowed her to run it in relative silence, with the Charmings taking on the more public side of the job.

It was in part the fear that someone might discover her secret that caused her to lock herself away, but mostly she simply wasn't used to being accepted. Everyone in the town had hated her for so long that not being the object of everyone's anger was a new experience, and she wasn't sure how to try to start again. Besides, all of those she got close to pushed her aside eventually.

Regina spoke briefly with Granny whenever she went into the diner, and on occasion met with Tinker Bell, but that was the sum of her contact with the world beside her son. Mostly in the week she spent her evenings alone, reading or practising her magic until she eventually fell asleep.

With the aid of the fairy's potion and a little hard work, Regina had managed to increase the threshold of magic she could tolerate; but she was still far from her full strength. Anything complex was beyond her capabilities, as she had learned the hard way. The baby was growing stronger. Whenever she put a hand to her abdomen she could sense its power, its life force, pulsing like a heartbeat. Regina had spent evenings lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling and just losing herself in that wonderful sensation. She had cut herself off from the world, but she was never alone.

Xxx

Today was a Friday, and Regina had decided to take the whole day off so that she could get some groceries and work out how to make the apple tarte tatin she had promised Henry. Pulling herself out of bed, however, proved somewhat more difficult than usual. She had tossed and turned in the night plagued, she knew, by dreams that she could not quite remember when her eyes opened. Water, that was all she could recall. Water and fear.

Regina sat up with a groan and took the dream catcher from her bedside table and played with the tiny feathers adorning it.

'Useless,' she muttered to herself, tossing it aside, 'probably why it was free.'

She made to stand up, but a wave of nausea overtook her and forced her back down into sitting position. Breathing deeply Regina reached over to the glass of water she kept on her bedside table and opened her palm, summoning the bottle from its place in her purse downstairs. She added a drop to the glass and drank it down, sighing in relief as the sickness began to slowly abate.

This was the third time that this morning routine had played out in the past week, and she had become far better at managing it effectively. Morning sickness had won the first battle, when she had been too worried that something was wrong to summon the potion in time, but now Regina knew its secrets and had managed to fight back.

She placed a hand over her abdomen to check that everything was in order, and smiled when her worries were put to rest. Despite feeling the overwhelming need to flop back into bed, Regina compelled herself to stand and dress in a black skirt and blue silk blouse. She noticed that the skirt nipped her sides a little more closely than she was used to and smiled. Standing side on in front of a full length mirror, she looked down at her flat stomach and wondered how large it would grow. After years of watching her figure, Regina suddenly couldn't wait for her belly to bulge.

Her phone buzzed on the side table, and she picked it up to see a message from Henry.

**_Can't wait for tonight _**

**_X_**

Regina smiled and messaged back.

**_Neither can I. I have high hopes; have you got three good ones?_**

**_Xx_**

Henry answered, and Regina felt her heart flutter with happiness.

**Best ones yet**

**Xx**

A few weeks previously, Henry had started badgering her about baby names.

_Xxx_

_'It's too early to think about that yet' sighed Regina as she cleared the plates away from their dinner together._

_'Oh come on Mom, you promised I could help you pick one.'_

_'I know, but I meant a little closer to the time.'_

_Henry pouted, gathering the cutlery and placing it in the sink._

_'But these things need a lot of thought. And I still don't see why Bruce is out of the question.'_

_Regina smiled in spite of herself._

_'I am not naming my child Bruce. Besides, I told you it's a girl.'_

_'How do you know?' asked Henry curiously. Regina didn't have an honest answer._

_'I…I can't explain, but I just know. Like a mother's instinct,' she tried to justify it. _

_'That doesn't sound very definitive to me. I think we should plan for every eventuality and put Bruce as a reserve, in case it's a boy.'_

_Regina laughed, her eyes sparkling._

_'Okay then, what's a better name?' he challenged her._

_Her smile faded slightly._

_'I don't know, Henry…I don't want to curse it. They say it's bad luck.'_

_'Don't worry Mom, everything will be okay,' he assured her. 'Anyway, you can't cast any curses without your magic at full strength.'_

_'That is certainly true,' Regina admitted._

_'Please?'_

_Regina sighed, relenting as his big brown orbs looked right through her and touched her well hidden soul._

_'Fine,' she mumbled, 'but there are rules.'_

_'Anything,' Henry agreed excitedly._

_'You can give me three names for every day that I see you; no texting me with suggestions during the week.'_

_'Done.'_

_'And I can say no to as many as I like.'_

_'But you will pick one eventually?'_

_'Yes,' Regina smiled, tilting his chin with her hand as she had done for so many years, 'the first one I think fits I will choose, I promise.'_

_'Awesome!' Henry cheered. For a while he stood in contemplation, taking the wet plates his mother passed him and drying them with a tea towel. _

_'Mom?' he said after a while._

_'Yes Henry?'_

_'Can we start with today?'_

_Regina chuckled, and nodded her head. 'I suppose so. Go on then, suggestion number one?'_

_Henry thought for a moment, his brow wrinkling as his mind processed every name he could think of. His eyes lit up, as if a lightbulb moment had occurred in his mind, and Regina cocked an eyebrow waiting for a response._

_'Bruce!'_

_'No,' Regina said at once, but she couldn't stop smiling. _

Xxx

Henry put his phone back in his pocket and finished his cereal as Emma walked into the kitchen, where Mary Margaret was brewing the coffee.

'Have you got everything for going to Regina's?' asked Emma, taking a cup as it was offered by her mother and warming her fingers around it.

'Of course,' Henry replied. 'Are you and she ever actually going to be in the same room together?'

'I don't know kid,' Emma sighed, 'I'm not sure I want to risk my life.'

'Well this can't go on forever,' Mary Margaret chipped in. 'If you want to take Henry to New York, then you're going to have to-'

'New York?' Henry interrupted, his eyes widening.

'Just for a few days,' Emma added quickly, 'in the school holidays. If you want to that is.'

'Yes, I would…' he started eagerly, but his conscience caught up with him, 'I don't think my Mom would like it.'

'Neither do I,' agreed Emma, taking a sip of her coffee.

'I think it's time we all had a talk, get everything out in the open. It has to happen sooner or later, and maybe she'll be more receptive if we're talking about Henry,' Mary Margaret suggested.

'That's optimistic,' scoffed the blonde, but she knew her mother was right.

'I haven't seen her since the diner,' Mary Margaret said slowly, 'I…I know it's been a while, but I want to check that she's okay. She is still, just about, my stepmother.' She didn't say it aloud, but she knew that something was amiss with the former queen. Whenever she asked about Regina, Henry was always very vague and tried to avoid talking about the subject. He insisted she was 'getting there' as he put it, but Snow suspected otherwise.

'If it'll get everybody talking again, it might be worth a shot,' Henry nodded, 'but…you've got to be careful.'

'We will be,' Mary Margaret smiled reassuringly.

'She might say she's strong, but she's still vulnerable and I don't want…I…' Henry grumbled in frustration at not being able to say what he meant, but he would keep his promise to his mother.

'We'll be gentle, promise,' Emma moved her hand to her chest and crossed her heart, causing Henry to roll his eyes. 'I'll grab the car and pick you up after school, and we'll drive to Regina's; okay?'

'Okay,' grinned Henry nervously, not quite sure what to expect from this meeting.

'David has taken Neal for the day, so I'll come with you,' Mary Margaret added. 'I might be needed to keep the peace.'

Xxx

Regina wiped the flour from her hands onto her apron as the oven timer went off. Putting on heatproof gloves she opened the door and pulled the pan from the oven, placing it on the counter. The lack of a burning smell which had been present in the previous attempt was, Regina thought, an encouraging start. This was her fourth tart of the day, and she swore that it would be her last no matter what it looked like.

After waiting for a moment, she covered the pan with a plate and expertly turned it over; she had learned that skill shortly after attempt number one had crashed to the floor. Regina tapped the dish with a wooden spoon and lifted it off, a smile spreading across her face as she revealed a beautiful apple tart tatin wafting scents of cinnamon and caramel around the room. She heard the front door open and put the washing up in the sink, removing her apron.

'Henry,' she called, 'I finally did it. I told you I'd get it eventually.' She walked out from the kitchen to greet her son, but as she entered the hallway her smile fell and her eyes darkened. Henry threw his backpack in the corner and looked up at her almost apologetically, as he was standing in front of Emma and Mary Margaret.

'Henry…' she started, her voice shaking with anger. Her eyes were fixed on the former sheriff and she could feel hatred bubbling away within her.

'I just want to talk,' Emma assured her gently, holding her hands up as if in surrender.

'I don't want to hear anything you have to say. You are not welcome here Ms. Swan. Get out of my house,' spat Regina.

'Mom,' Henry said timidly, 'please?' The sound of his voice was enough to soften Regina's murderous expression, though she remained caught in a conflict between the two extremes of love and hate. Taking a deep breath she turned her head to look at him.

'I can't, Henry, I'm sorry. I'm not...' She gave a subtle shake of her head, dropping her gaze to the floor.

Henry understood what she was trying to say but was too proud to voice; she didn't think she was strong enough.

'Just five minutes?' he tried.

Regina looked back to Emma, and tried to fight the darkness threatening to resurface. She would not give into it and return to being the woman she had worked so hard to avoid, not for the sake of the so-called saviour. Breathing slowly, she suppressed the anger she felt until she was sure that she wasn't about to launch herself at Emma's throat and tried to hold on to some sense of calm.

'What do you want?' She asked, her tone dripping with disdain; she felt no need to be civil with the woman. Folding her arms, she stood as if guarding the rest of the house so as to make it clear they were not invited further than the hall.

'I never meant to hurt you, Regina, honestly-' Emma started but Regina held up a hand to silence her, biting back a cutting remark.

'If you've come here just to ramble on, then you might as well leave; I don't want to hear it. I have no intention of listening to you stumble over an apology. If you want forgiveness then you have had a wasted trip.'

Regina tried to keep her voice strong, but there was a waver in her words that she couldn't quite control and she hated what it gave away.

'Fine,' Emma nodded, keeping her tone gentle, 'fine if that's what you want I'll cut the crap. I just think we should talk about arrangements for Henry, work something out that's a bit more clear cut.'

'I...I suppose that seems reasonable,' the brunette agreed reluctantly, 'but I see no issue with the current system. Quite frankly you should be grateful with the time I have given you.'

'I am,' Emma said at once, 'I think what we have is fine for now. It's just that the school holidays are coming up.'

'And?' Regina snapped, growing impatient.

'I...I was thinking of taking Henry to New York.'

A heavy silence fell in the wake of those words, and Regina felt her blood run cold. Fear rose within her, and for a moment she forgot how to breathe. She was taking him away.

'No,' she managed to say, almost choking on the word as her throat constricted in panic.

'Just for a couple of days,' Emma added quickly, seeing the distress so perfectly clear in the older woman's expression, 'for a holiday, nothing more.'

But Regina could hardly hear her. She shook her head, her eyes glistening with tears she refused to shed.

'I won't let you take him from me, not again.'

'I just thought the kid might need a bit of a break, that's all,' the blonde explained in an attempt at reassurance. Regina shot her a look of pure loathing, her lip almost curling into a snarl.

Emma saw the heat burning in Regina's eyes, the fire of rage fuelled by pain, and she felt guilt weigh her down so heavily she wasn't sure she could move. She had never seen the former queen look so fragile, Regina was the strongest woman she knew, but cracks were forming in her armour and to know that she had caused that made Emma feel so much worse.

'It's okay Mom,' Henry interjected noticing the way his mother was gripping her arms tightly, nails digging into her arms through the fabric of her blouse, 'I don't have to go.'

'You have already taken Robin from me,' Regina hissed, ignoring her son's attempts at diplomacy, 'I will not let you take my son.'

'I'm sorry,' Emma insisted, 'I didn't mean...I won't take Henry, I promise.'

Trying to diffuse the situation, she took a step towards Regina without thinking of the implications.

Acting on instinct, Regina called her magic to her fingertips and extended her arms towards the younger woman to stop her from coming any closer. Emma stumbled back a few steps, hit by a force not quite strong enough to knock her over, and Mary Margaret held out an arm to steady her. Regina, however, was blown backwards by the power of her own curse and collided roughly with the wall.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter and please leave a review.**

**I won't leave you hanging on that for too long I promise.**


	10. Chapter 10

**First of all, a massive thank you to everyone who has helped this story reach 100 reviews; I am so happy! **

**Thank you so much for all of your support. Will aim to update again mid-week.**

* * *

For a moment she was overcome by shock, the impact having knocked the breath from her lungs, but then came the pain. It ripped through her head unlike anything she had ever felt before and she couldn't help the strangled cry that escaped her lips as she doubled over.

'MOM,' Henry shouted, running to Regina and putting his arm around her shoulders just as she lost the last bit of strength keeping her upright. Her legs buckled beneath her, and she held almost desperately onto her son as another flash of agony forced her eyes to close and she let out a feeble whimper. Her body went limp, and unable to support her dead weight Henry gently lowered her to the floor and helped her to sit so she was leaning against the wall.

'What's happening?' asked Mary Margaret, her eyes wide with fear. As soon as she was sure that Emma was stable, she came to kneel at her former stepmother's side. Emma stood behind her, worried that Regina's reaction to her presence when she finally came to might only make matters worse.

'She's not supposed to use magic,' Henry told them briefly. He was more concerned with how his mother seemed dangerously close to losing consciousness, her eyes fogging over and her breathing becoming more ragged.

For Regina everything seemed fuzzy, her senses betraying her as she fought against her body's wishes in order to remain awake. Henry was talking, but she couldn't make out what he was saying. Her head throbbed, every breath only worsening the pain and she was tempted just to give in and let oblivion claim her so that it would end. Yet something felt wrong, as if she were missing something, and the realisation pulled her back into reality.

'Mom,' said Henry insistently, 'Mom are you okay?'

She shook her head, which felt as if it were about to explode. Her hand trembled as she pressed it lightly to her abdomen, her world threatening to fall apart around her.

'Regina?' Mary Margaret whispered, putting a hand delicately on the woman's back.

'I…I can't…' she stuttered, tears spilling from her eyes, 'I can't f-feel anything. The baby…oh God…'

Regina concentrated as hard as she could but she couldn't sense a thing, the usual warmth of her child's energy seemingly absent.

'You're...you're pregnant?' Mary Margaret gasped.

'I can't...she's n-not there...' Regina sobbed. Her anger was forgotten, melting away as fear burned in her heart, making it even harder to focus.

Henry took his mother's hand, interlacing their fingers and squeezing gently.

'Just breathe,' he reassured her gently. She tried to do as he instructed but Regina had never been so scared. It felt like drowning, and her mind flashed back to the dream from the previous night.

Regina breathed deeply, closing her eyes and concentrating as hard as she could. When she recognised the familiar pulse, not dissimilar to the feel of a heartbeat, her face broke into a relieved smile and she almost collapsed with the weight of her reprieve.

'She's there,' she breathed, 'I can feel her.'

'I'm sure that she always was,' Henry said hugging her carefully, 'you just had to stay calm.'

'The baby's alright?' Mary Margaret queried. Regina nodded wearily, wincing as the dull ache in her head spiked at the movement.

'I'll go and get the bottle,' Henry offered, giving her hand a last squeeze, 'where is it?'

'In my purse, in the kitchen somewhere,' she murmured, bringing a hand to her forehead as if it would help.

Once Henry was gone, Emma moved slowly into view.

'Regina I...I'm really sorry. I never meant-'

'I know,' the brunette sighed, too exhausted to muster any rage towards the woman.

'Are you going to be okay?'

'The baby affects my magic, and so the curse I used backfired. It might hurt for a while, but there's no permanent damage.'

_I hope,_ Regina added silently.

'I won't bring Henry to New York,' Emma assured her, 'it was a stupid idea. I wasn't thinking.'

Regina gave a small nod, and the blonde knew that it was more than she deserved.

Henry returned with a glass of water laced with Tinker Bell's potion and knelt beside his mother. He held the glass to her lips as her own hands were too unsteady to hold it. Although the potion took away the pain Regina felt dizzy, so exhausted that it was hard to hold up her head, and her skin was still an unhealthy grey in pallor.

'Emma, maybe we should call Doctor Whale,' Mary Margaret suggested.

'No,' Regina insisted at once.

'You don't look well,' the school teacher argued gently, 'I think you need to be checked over.'

'No,' repeated Regina, more firmly. 'I've had the potion, I'll be fine.'

'But it usually works straight away,' Henry reasoned, voicing his own concerns. 'You still look ill Mom.'

'I just need a moment.'

She placed a hand on her abdomen as she had done before, but felt nothing out of the ordinary; her magic was settled, as was that of her child.

'Can you help me up?' asked Regina eventually. Henry shot a glance at his birth mother who was thinking the same thing – Regina didn't ask for help. Henry put his arm around her on her left, with Mary Margaret copying his actions on the right, and gently they pulled Regina into a standing position. As slowly as they were able, they guided her into the living room over to the sofa where she half collapsed into the soft cushions with a groan.

'Regina, I really think you should see someone-'Emma started.

'Ms. Swan, as touched as I am for your sudden concern about my wellbeing, I think it might be time for you to leave.'

'I-'

'Have you not done enough damage already?' Regina snapped, stopping any form of retort from the blonde.

'Okay,' Emma sighed, sensing that the older woman was starting to regain her composure and with it her anger, 'I'll go, if that's what you want.'

'It is,' Regina muttered.

'Then I suppose I'll see you Monday kid.'

'I'll just be a minute,' Mary Margaret piped up. 'Henry, do you think you could walk Emma to the car?'

Henry's brow creased at the unusual request but his grandmother gave him a look and he reluctantly complied, leaving the room with Emma so that Mary Margaret was alone with Regina.

Mary Margaret sat beside Regina, and covered her trembling hands with her own.

'It'll pass,' Regina said in a voice which seemed far too quiet.

'You need to see the doctor.'

Regina shook her head slowly.

'Why won't you let people help you?' asked Mary Margaret, frustration creeping into her tone.

'I just need to be left alone,' the older woman sighed, though she didn't pull her hands away.

'We're family Regina, no matter what we've said or done in the past. You could have told us what was going on.'

'I…wasn't ready for anyone to know yet.'

Regina looked down, unable to meet Mary Margaret's eye and the truth slowly dawned.

'He doesn't know, does he?'

Regina closed her eyes in admission.

'That's why you don't want people to know, even Whale; you haven't told Robin yet.'

'Give the girl a medal,' muttered Regina, but when she opened her eyes Mary Margaret could see that they were glistening.

'Don't you think that he deserves to know?'

'No, I don't,' Regina said shortly.

'But he's the father,' Mary Margaret reminded her. 'He'll find out eventually; don't you think it would be better coming from you?'

'I …I can't tell him,' she answered honestly, putting a hand over her abdomen and sighing as she gently traced patterns over the fabric with her thumb.

'I've tried to move on, I really have but just seeing him is enough to bring back all of that pain. I know that he has to be told, I know that, but I don't think I can take his rejection a second time.'

'Oh Regina,' Mary Margaret breathed, her face softening with sympathy, 'why would he reject you?'

'He has his family, a child of his own, a wife he loves…He doesn't need us. I've lost him once, and I can't go through that again. I can't put her through that.'

'Her?'

Regina couldn't help but brighten, her lips curling into a smile as she looked down at her still flat belly.

'Yeah, I think so. I can almost see her…is that crazy?'

'No,' Mary Margaret grinned, 'I think it's wonderful. Regina, I know you're scared, but Robin is not the kind of guy who would leave you to do this on your own. And you can't let that get in the way of you getting help if you need it.'

'I'll be okay,' Regina assured her, sniffing back her tears, 'I feel a bit better.'

It wasn't a lie, and although she was still exhausted the dizziness was starting to pass.

'Emma's waiting in the car,' Henry said as he came back into the room. Mary Margaret nodded, smiling at him before turning to Regina.

'You should get some rest,' she warned her stepmother. 'Anything you need, you know where I am.'

'Thank you,' Regina said sincerely, watching as Mary Margaret hugged Henry before seeing herself out.

Once she was gone, Regina allowed herself to relax. With only Henry left in the house, she could finally drop any pretence of normality and her son could see her body sag with tiredness.

'I think you should lie down,' Henry told her and Regina didn't argue, gently lowering herself until she was lying across the sofa. He went upstairs and brought her down a blanket, sitting on the floor beside her as she closed her eyes.

'I didn't finish your dinner,' she remembered, groaning.

'It's okay Mom, I'll find something. You finished the tart didn't you?'

'I did,' Regina smiled, closing her eyes as her eyelids became heavier. 'Don't eat all of it.'

'I'll try,' Henry grinned back.

'You promised me three names,' she reminded him, 'I've been waiting all week.'

'Hmmm…Poppy?'

'Ugh, no,' Regina dismissed at once.

'Carlos?'

'I thought you said these were the best yet? I have to say I'm a little disappointed so far.'

Henry suspected that his final suggestion of Andromeda was not exactly what his mother was looking for, so rested his head back against the arm of the sofa and took a moment to think.

'I've got it,' he announced brightly.

'Hmm?' Regina breathed, feeling the haziness of sleep beginning to wash over her.

'Rose.'

'Rose…' she repeated slowly, enjoying the way it sounded. 'I like it.'

Henrys face broke into a winning smile.

'Really?'

He turned to look at his mother, but he could sense from the way her breathing had changed that she was already lost to her dreams. He brushed a strand of hair from her face gently.

'Sleep well Mom.'

Xxx

Henry and Regina spent the weekend quietly. Although she insisted that she felt better, she didn't complain when Henry suggested a movie marathon on Saturday. Her sleep had been troubled, and despite taking Tink's potion religiously the nausea was becoming more difficult to manage.

By Sunday lunch time, the feeling had become so strong that Regina couldn't stomach much more than dry toast. She made Henry an omelette, but the pungent smell of cheese and eggs almost pushed her over the edge.

'I'm fine,' she muttered as she pushed the plate towards her son and took a long drink of tea.

'You're not,' he argued, taking a bite. 'Is there nothing Tinker Bell can do?'

'I called her yesterday,' admitted Regina, hating that she had already fallen to the point where she had to ask for help. 'It's just morning sickness, nothing to do with magic; that's why the potion doesn't help.'

'Isn't there anything you can do?' asked Henry, looking worriedly at his mother.

'Peppermint tea,' she answered, nodding to the steaming cup in her hands, 'or ginger…I don't want to try magical remedies, mixing potions never ends well. The internet said exercise helps, but I'm not really in any state to go jogging.'

'We could go for a walk around the park?' he suggested, finishing his meal and hopping off his seat to wash up his plate.

'Is this for my benefit, or are you just after an ice cream?' Regina teased, smiling.

'You've blown my cover,' Henry laughed.

Xxx

'So Bruce is a definite no?' Henry asked as they walked slowly through the park heading, he was happy to note, towards where he knew the ice cream van resided on weekends.

'What is it with you and Bruce?' Regina grinned, linking arms with her son.

'Bruce Banner of course.'

'The hulk? Really?'

'He was a scientist as well as a monster,' Henry tried, relishing in the sound of his mother's laughter that had been absent for far too long.

'I liked Rose,' admitted Regina.

'Me too,' Henry agreed, 'Rose Mills has a nice ring to it.'

'I was thinking about calling Doctor Whale on Monday,' Regina said tentatively.

'Is it really that bad?' Henry asked, looking up at her with eyes wide with fear.

'No, nothing like that,' she reassured him with a smile. 'I just thought I should get a check-up, and maybe try and book a scan for the next couple of weeks.'

Henry's face brightened at once.

'So we could see her? Like…on a screen?'

'Would you like to?'

'Yes!' he exclaimed, trying and failing to contain his obvious excitement. Regina chuckled lightly, squeezing his arm with affection.

'But if you tell Whale, won't other people find out? I mean he's not the most subtle of people, and then there's everyone else who works at the hospital…'

'I think that maybe it's time,' she answered, a tremor of nervousness running through her otherwise calm tone. 'I can't hide it forever, can I?'

'What about Robin?'

Regina sighed, but it was more through a tired acceptance of what had to happen than anything else. She had resigned herself to the fact that she had to tell Robin that he was the father of her child, and although she feared the consequences of her revelation she felt oddly composed. Between Snow, Henry and Tinker Bell's kind words Regina was no longer feeling the pain of loneliness in her heart. If Robin couldn't be there for her and her baby, their baby, then it would crush her - of that she was certain. Yet there was a glimmer of hope that should the worse happen, there would still be people around to support her. Regina had never had that before, people that cared, and it felt comforting.

'He deserves to know before anyone else,' she explained. 'I'll make the appointment with Whale after I've told him.'

Part of her dared to hope that he would want to come with her, but she pushed the thought aside; it was too dangerous.

'It'll be okay Mom,' Henry promised.

'I hope so.'

That word again.

'GINA.'

Regina's smile faltered as she stopped, turning around to see the source of the sound. Roland was bounding towards her from the playground, arms open wide in expectation of a hug.

'Roland,' she gasped, 'what are you doing here?'

He reached her, wrapping his arms around her legs and almost knocking her over. She took her arm from Henry and reached down to gently brush through Roland's hair.

'I came to see you,' he answered simply, beaming up at her. 'I missed you Gina.'

'I missed you too.'

'Carry me?' he asked, holding up his hands.

'Roland, I…where's your father?' Regina stuttered, her heart thumping in her chest.

'Daddy's working, Mama's gone to get juice,' he explained. 'Carry me Gina?'

Regina sighed, giving into the pleading of his soft brown eyes and picking him up.

'Are you okay Mom?' Henry questioned, seeing a grimace pass across her face as she settled the child on her hip. She nodded, the discomfort passing as soon as it arose, and turned towards Roland who was playing with her hair.

'You shouldn't run off like that Roland,' she warned him gently, 'your…your mother must be wondering-'

'Roland?'

Regina felt her chest constrict as she heard the woman's voice, but didn't let it show in her expression.

'There you are,' Marian sighed with relief, 'I was so worried about you. You can't just go off with strangers.'

Regina turned towards her, using every ounce of her strength to remain calm, and she set Roland down so that he could run back to his mother.

'Gina's not a stranger,' he argued.

'Yes, well,' muttered Marian, looking nervously up at Regina, 'you still can't run off.'

'Sorry Mama,' he mumbled sheepishly.

'I'm sorry,' Regina said gently, trying her hardest to be pleasant, 'he just came up to me, and I didn't know where you were.'

'Yes…well…just stay away from my son,' Marian snapped defensively, picking Roland up despite his moans of defiance.

'I wasn't-'

'Haven't you done enough damage already? Stay away,' she repeated vehemently, turning on her heel and walking back towards the playground.

Regina just stood for a moment watching them leave, shock preventing her from doing the same. She could see Roland's face over his mother's shoulder as he waved a sad goodbye, but she couldn't bring herself to return the gesture. She was brought out of her state by a twinge of pain, just above her right hip. It caused her to flinch, although it was gone as quickly as it had arrived.

'Mom?'

Regina put a hand over her abdomen, but felt nothing out of place. She shook it off, suddenly wanting to put as much distance between herself and Marian as possible.

'Let's go,' she mumbled, taking Henry's arm again and trying not to feel hurt at the scorn of the woman who had taken her love away.

When they finally got home, Henry excused himself to finish his homework and Regina sat in the living room, twirling her phone between her fingers. It took her half an hour to find the courage to type the message, but once she had it felt as if a weight was to be lifted from her shoulders.

**Robin,**

**I need to see you. There's something that I have to tell you, something important, and I feel it wouldn't be right if I didn't say it in person. I'm sorry for what I said at the diner. I'm sorry for everything. **

**Call me and we can arrange a time.**

She wanted to put so much more in the text, to say everything she was too scared to utter aloud, but Regina knew that he deserved better than that. She wondered for a moment whether she was doing this to hurt Marian. Of course she had planned to tell Robin before meeting the other woman, but was it just seeing her in the park with her son that had encouraged her to take the first step towards a conversation that would certainly have consequences for their marriage?

No. Regina felt no ill will towards Marian, despite everything she had taken from her. None of this was her fault. She had not asked to be brought to Storybrooke, and had she remained behind Regina would certainly have killed her. For once she felt no anger, no resentment; there was no room left in her heart for those emotions.

Whatever was to happen would affect them both, that could not be helped, but for Regina this was about herself and Robin and nothing more. If Robin ever chose to be with her, then yes Marian would get hurt, but if he did not then it wasn't the fault of the person he chose in her place. The baby would change things of course, but to what extent Regina didn't know.

She closed her eyes, leaning her head back and breathing through the nausea that was rising once again in the back of her throat. She held her phone tightly in her hand, waiting for any sign of a response and hating how desperately she wanted it to vibrate against her palm.

* * *

**Please leave a review and hope you liked the chapter**


	11. Chapter 11

**I've been going over this chapter for a while, as I was worried it wasn't right but I've finished it and I am just going to go for it.**

**Thank you so much to everyone who reads, reviews and supports this story. I love you all :)**

* * *

'Robin?' Marian called as she entered their tent in search of him, with Roland tagging along behind her.

'Mama, can I go and play?'

'Not now sweetie,' she brushed him off, huffing when she found no sign of her husband.

'Please Mama? Mary and Michael are just outside…'

'I said-' she started harshly, but she caught herself before she snapped at her son. He didn't deserve her frustrations to be taken out on him. Marian sighed, turning to him and crouching down so that their eyes were level. He looked at her with such innocence that it made her heart swell in her chest.

'I'm sorry Roland, I'm just tired. You can go and play as long as you're back before dinner, and you stay where someone can see you. Okay?'

Roland smiled at her and put his arms around her neck in an embrace, before running outside to join the other children. Marian watched where he was going to be sure that he was safe before dipping back into the tent. She was about to go and find Little John and ask him whether Robin was still out working when she heard a phone buzzing on the table.

Although still slightly confused by the contraption, Marian knew the basic function of the device and went over to pick it up. She pressed a button and the screen lit up, much to her surprise, illuminating the message that had been sent to her husband. She read it, her eyes darkening as they moved over the words written by the Evil Queen.

She felt her chest tighten as she wondered what they meant. Regina had something to tell him, but what could it be? And she had mentioned Granny's, yet he had sworn to her that he would not seek her out again; it didn't make sense. Marian could feel her breathing become shallow as she began to panic. She couldn't lose Robin, not again.

'Marian?'

She turned to see Robin walk into the room, and instinctively she slipped the phone into her pocket out of sight.

'You're back,' she breathed, a smile trying to hide her nervous expression.

'Yeah I just got in,' he told her calmly. 'I don't suppose you've seen my phone? I put it down this morning and haven't been able to find it since.'

'No,' Marian answered, a little quickly though Robin did not appear to notice, 'I haven't. Are you sure it isn't in your bag?'

'I checked,' sighed Robin, 'but thank you. Where's Roland?'

'Playing with the other children,' she explained, moving towards him and wrapping her arms around his neck. 'We have some time alone.'

He smiled, but it did not quite reach his eyes.

'I'm going into town with the others, but I'll be back for dinner.'

'Oh…okay,' Marian nodded, trying to hide her disappointment. 'Maybe afterwards we can talk?'

'Maybe,' Robin answered, but they both knew that they wouldn't.

Xxx

Regina was peeling potatoes when Henry came into the kitchen.

'Want some help?'

'I've got it covered dear, why don't you watch some television?'

'Surely there's something I can do,' Henry asked, taking a potato and holding out his hand until she passed him the peeler. Regina narrowed her eyes and looked at him with suspicion.

'Who are you and what have you done with my son?' she teased.

'Nothing! I just wanted to help you with dinner.'

Regina smiled, but shook her head as she took a knife and started chopping onions.

'You don't have to do that Henry, I'm fine really.'

'If you say so,' he agreed, 'but the fact remains that the food will be done quicker with two people making it, and I am getting rather famished.'

'That is true,' Regina grinned. She looked over to her phone, lying silent on the counter, and then returned to slowly chopping. Tears stung her eyes, but she blamed it on the onions.

They sat down to eat and Regina let Henry do the talking while she smiled and nodded along, picking at her food and hardly eating a bite. Her phone was on the table beside her, and more than once she caught herself staring down at it or playing with it absentmindedly.

'Mom?'

Regina snapped out of her daze and looked up at her son with a guilty smile.

'Sorry dear, what did you say?'

'I was just saying that I have a maths test tomorrow,' he repeated. 'Is my company not good enough for you?'

'No of course not,' she said quickly, but as she saw him smirking at her she relaxed a little.

'Chill out Mom, I'm just teasing. He…he will call, you know.'

'Yes,' Regina smiled sadly, 'I'm sure he will.'

But she wasn't sure. The message had been sent hours ago, and Robin never left her waiting. There were many possibilities to explain his silence, but none of them seemed to give her any comfort.

'Are you finished?' she asked, pulling the conversation back to a safer area.

'Yes,' he answered, passing her his plate as she stood to take it away and noticing how hers had hardly been touched. 'You didn't eat much. Is it… is it getting worse?'

'Yes,' Regina admitted reluctantly, seeing no point in lying to him, 'but it's nothing to worried about. I'm just a little sick, that's all.'

'A little?' Henry raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

'Okay, quite a bit,' she gave in, a tired sigh escaping from her lips.

'I can wash up if you want to go and lie down?'

'Henry, you have done more than enough for me today. Did you finish your homework?'

'Yep,' he said proudly.

'Then go and find something on TV and I'll join you in a moment.'

'But-'

'I'll have an early night I promise,' Regina bargained. 'Now go!'

Henry shrugged, still unconvinced but unwilling to have the same argument with her again and knowing he would lose eventually anyway. Regina took the plates into the kitchen and placed them in the dishwasher, finding herself too tired to wash them by hand. She closed the door to the machine and straightened, but as she did she felt a strange sharp pain in her right side. It was fleeting, hardly lasting a moment, but it was enough.

Regina was distracted, however, when a wave of dizziness and nausea almost caused her legs to buckle. She gripped onto the counter to steady herself, and it took a few minutes before she felt as if she could stand straight without falling. The baby felt normal to her, and she was still able to sense her using her magic, but her own body felt weak and tired at the constancy of the sickness only growing stronger.

She lasted another hour, unable to focus on whatever odd game show Henry had picked as the swirling sensation in her stomach only worsened. He looked worried when she kissed him goodnight, but she insisted that all she needed was rest though didn't quite believe it herself. Regina put a hand against the wall to guide her as she made her way up to her bedroom and by the time she had ascended the stairs she was breathing heavily.

Xxx

Robin looked at his sleeping son and smiled sadly. He placed a gentle kiss on Roland's forehead before standing up and walking out of the tent, putting his bag on his back. Marian was sitting underneath a tree in the evening light, humming to herself as she sewed. He knew that this wasn't going to be easy.

She looked up at him, smiling.

'Is he asleep?'

'Yes, he dropped off half an hour ago; too much excitement for one day. He was telling me about this afternoon at the park.'

Marian's smile faded, her eyes ever so slightly darkening.

'He shouldn't have run off. I've told him a thousand-' She stopped midway through her train of thought as she noticed what he was carrying.

'What's that?' she asked, confused. 'Are…are you going somewhere?'

Robin looked at her with sympathetic eyes, and she knew what he was going to say before he did.

'Marian-'

'Don't do this Robin,' she pleaded, casting her sewing aside as she stood and moved towards him.

'I have to,' he sighed.

'You don't have to do anything. We're happy here, aren't we? We have a son, a life together. I know it has been difficult after all of my time away…but we can make it work.'

'I don't think I can,' Robin said gently, wanting to be honest but hating the hurt that he was causing the woman who had once held his heart.

'What is it? What can I do?' she begged, grabbing his jacket and pulling him closer to her.

'It's not you,' he told her, 'it's-'

'Her,' Marian hissed. 'You love her? You would choose her over me, the mother of your child?'

'It's not about choosing, not anymore,' he tried to explain. 'I know that I can't be with Regina, she's said as much herself, but I can't go on living a lie. I buried you, Marian. Perhaps not in a literal sense, but I had to find a way to go on when my world came crashing down; because you were my world. I grieved, I cried, I fell apart over and over again, but eventually I let you go. I had to take care of our son.'

'You think it's my fault? Do you think that's what I wanted to happen?'

'Of course not,' Robin said at once. 'I just…I can't pretend that things can go back to how they were before. It's not fair on you or Roland. I've tried, really I have, but I can't be that man anymore.'

'It's her fault. She was the one who was going to kill me. And yet still you have feelings for her,' Marian spat, anger clouding her judgement as she let everything out.

'No-one is to blame here, Marian. The Evil Queen tore us apart yes, but that's not who Regina is anymore. I've seen the good within her, and I know that if she could take it back then she would.'

'But she can't, can she?' Marian sobbed, clinging desperately to her husband.

'Please…please don't go.'

'I will always love you, Marian,' he whispered, stroking her face gently as tears rolled down her cheeks. 'You are Roland's mother, my wife, and that can never be taken away from us. But I won't go down a path that will only make us both unhappy. I can't love you in the way you want or deserve to be loved. We could kid ourselves for a while, but eventually it would always have come to this.'

'Wh-what about Roland?' Marian gulped, through a wash of tears.

'He can stay with you until I find somewhere permanent and then we can work something out. Just tell him that I love him.'

'Go then,' she screamed, turning away in anger and wrapping her arms around herself, 'go back to that bitch.'

'I've told you, this isn't because of her,' Robin clarified. 'Well…maybe if I hadn't met her, then things would be different; but I did. I fell in love, and I'm sorry if that hurts you but it's the truth. It took me so long to love after I lost you, I thought I would never feel whole again.'

'So you do love her,' Marian whimpered, the anger falling away and leaving her feeling nothing but emptiness.

'Yes,' he breathed, 'and I never told her.'

They both fell silent, the only sound to be heard the chirping of the crickets.

'Promise me one thing,' she asked, her voice cracking.

'Anything.'

She turned back to him, her tears glistening in the light of the setting sun.

'One day,' she requested. 'Just take one day to think about things before…before you do anything that you can't turn back from. I know that you probably won't change your mind, and if you want to be with her… I think that I at least deserve some time.'

'Of course,' Robin agreed, taking her hand and kissing it softly. 'I promise.'

'Then go,' she croaked, her body beginning to tremble as she felt herself crumbling. 'I love you Robin.'

'I love you too.'

Xxx

Closing her bedroom door behind her, Regina felt the surge with just enough time to run to the bathroom. She fell to her knees heavily, knowing with certainty that the nausea was no longer a hollow threat, and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Acid burned her throat, and the nagging pain in her side returned as if in mockery. Clinging to the porcelain so desperately that her knuckles turned white, Regina tried to stop herself from collapsing to the floor. She wondered for a while if she would pass out, and she began to panic thinking of Henry finding her unconscious in the morning. But Regina would not be allowed the luxury of sleep. The heaving persisted through the night, even when there was nothing left to throw up, and although she was exhausted it did not relent.

In a moment of coherence in the early hours, Regina brushed her hair from her face and lifted her throbbing head. She took her phone out from her pocket; no messages, no calls, nothing. She wanted to cry, but she didn't have the energy to form the tears and she settled instead for throwing the offending device onto the carpeted floor of her bedroom out of sight. She choked out a dry sob before her body betrayed her again, and the rest of the world melted away.

Xxx

The first light of dawn was streaming through her bedroom window, and Regina groaned at the sight of it. She was still on the bathroom floor, her knees sore from her positioning, but her body had at least stopped retching as it realised there was nothing left to bring up.

Her head was spinning, physical and mental exhaustion weighing her down to the point where her attempts to pull herself up from the floor had only ended with her falling back down. The pain in her side had become persistent and settled above her right hip, though it was more like a constant burning sensation which was just an irritant adding to her problems. As she had learned with her first attempt to stand, however, any movement caused it to flare to the point of agony.

As the sun insisted on rising, Regina realised that she could not stay slumped against the bathroom wall for the rest of the day. Henry would come to find her if she wasn't up, and she didn't want him to see her like this. She reached up and grabbed the bowl of the sink, breathing deeply as she readied herself for what she knew would be an unpleasant experience; she wasn't wrong.

With all of her strength, she pulled her body up until her legs could finally straighten and support her and though she still needed to steady herself on the wall, Regina managed to remain upright. It came at a cost, however. Her head was pounding, feeling unfathomably light, and her side had started to throb dangerously; but she was standing.

Cautiously Regina made her way into her bedroom, collapsing into the armchair with a moan when she realised that she wouldn't make it to the bed. She exhaled deeply, running her fingers through her hair and brushing it away from her face. Not wanting to attempt getting up again, she waved her hand lazily and changed into a soft cream silk nightdress and dressing gown and was relieved when she felt no repercussions of using magic.

Sitting there, quietly, she gathered her thoughts and allowed her body time to recover. The comfort of the chair helped to smooth some of the ache that had settled in her muscles through the night and the pain in her side settled back to a dull ache. Regina allowed her mind to drift, trying not to concentrate on the fact that she was more terrified than she would ever care to admit.

Xxx

Henry's alarm woke him up and he groaned at the sound. Half falling out of bed, he dressed without thinking and packed the last of the things in his bag to take to Emma's before making his way downstairs.

'Mom?' he called when he didn't find her in the kitchen, but he received no reply. He started to worry. She wasn't in the living room or the study, and Henry's heart thumped in his chest as he climbed back up the stairs. Her bedroom door was slightly ajar, and when he heard her coughing he wasn't quite sure whether to be relieved or frightened.

Regina looked up as Henry entered her bedroom and smiled, her tired eyes crinkling.

'Mom?'

'I'm sorry sweetie,' croaked Regina, her voice still raw from where the acidity had burned her throat, 'I wanted to come down.'

'Did you get any sleep at all last night?' he asked, as he sat on the bed beside her so that they were level. She shook her head slowly, leaning forwards to brush the hair from his face but retracting as a spasm of fire shot through her side making her noticeably wince.

'You look terrible,' he whispered, his eyes trailing across her features and noticing the waxiness of her complexion and the hollows of her cheeks.

'Thank you,' Regina said dryly, trying to make light of something far too serious for joking.

'I'm serious Mom,' insisted Henry, 'you should go to the hospital.'

'Pregnant women get sick Henry; you know that as well as I do.'

'Not like this.'

Regina gently took Henry's hand and placed it over her abdomen.

'Close your eyes,' she instructed him gently. He did as he was asked, though his brow wrinkled in confusion. Regina did the same, and tentatively coaxed her magic forwards and guided it to Henry's outstretched hand. She could feel the pulse of her child's magic, and she gave her son the ability to feel it as well. It was clear that it had worked when Henry opened his eyes abruptly, his face breaking out into a wide grin despite his worries.

'Woah!'

'Isn't it something,' Regina chuckled. 'She's fine, Henry. This will pass.'

'But what about you? You're not fine, Mom, and don't try and lie to me because I can see that you're not.'

'No I…I had a difficult night,' she said diplomatically. 'I'll call Doctor Whale this afternoon and set up an appointment.'

'You could call now, I'm sure he'd come over-'

'No,' Regina cut him off gently, 'not yet.'

'Mom, you can't risk this getting any worse,' argued Henry.

'I know,' she sighed, 'but I'm too exhausted to even think about what to do now. Let me have a couple of hours to sleep, and then if I still feel this bad then I'll call him as soon as I wake up. Deal?'

Although unconvinced, Henry didn't want to argue further with his mother who looked so unbelievably worn out that he wondered how she could continue to function.

'Okay,' he breathed, and she gave him a reassuring smile. Regina glanced up at the clock on her wall.

'You'll be late for school,' she warned.

'I don't have to go,' Henry insisted.

'You do,' she corrected him, covering his hand with her own and stroking her thumb softly over his skin. 'You have a test today, don't you?'

'Yes, but-'

'You can stay here and sit around watching me sleep, but I don't think that would do either of us any good, do you?'

'I don't think you should be on your own,' he mumbled, eyes looking up at her almost fearfully.

'I'll be alright dear, you don't need to worry about me,' Regina promised him. 'And I won't be alone. I'll call the doctor, and if I still feel unwell this evening then I'll ask Tinker Bell to come over.'

'I should stay tonight,' suggested Henry, 'I don't have to go to Emma's.'

'You've done more than enough for me these past few weeks. I'll admit that I'm not quite feeling my usual self, but that's no reason for you not to go and see Emma and have some time away from all of this. Let someone take care of you for a change.'

'But I don't need taking care of,' her son pointed out, 'and you do.'

'That's what the doctor is for,' Regina answered smartly.

'But-'

'I promise that I will call you this evening, and if anything happens you'll be the first to know,' she said, cutting him off. 'I can't be much of a mother if I can't keep myself standing up, so I suppose I'll let Ms. Swan take the reins for a while.'

Henry didn't like the thought of leaving her. Something felt off to him, despite his mother's reassurances, but he knew that she wasn't about to back down.

'Can I come and see you at least?'

'Tomorrow,' Regina nodded, 'just…just give me a little time to rest, hmm?'

'Okay Mom.'

He leaned over her and hugged her as delicately as he could manage, and Regina relished in the feeling of his warmth. She kissed his forehead, and tried to smile with as much conviction as possible as he moved away from her.

'I love you Mom.'

'I love you too Henry.'

When she heard the door click shut, Regina let out a shuddering breath and let her head fall into her hands. She was exhausted, her head swimming as she fought to stay awake until she could at least move herself into the bed. Gingerly, she rose from the armchair and slowly walked towards her bed. Her right side seemed to have calmed, for which she was grateful, and she slipped beneath the soft sheets with a sigh of relief.

As soon as her head hit the pillow, she could feel sleep pulling her down and she didn't try to fight it. Regina looked across at her bedside table, where the phone she had recovered from her bedroom floor lay irritatingly silent. She picked it up, and without thinking went to Robin's name in her contacts. The phone was ringing before she even realised that she had selected it.

Pressing the device to her ear, she waited with baited breath for him to answer. He didn't. But it was ringing, she thought frustratedly, he must not be able to hear it. Or maybe he was ignoring her call.

'Robin,' Regina whispered, once the tone had been given, 'please…I know that I said I couldn't see you, but I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it. I was just scared when you told me you cared about me and I…I suppose I panicked. I need you, Robin. I really need you. I don't want to have to pretend that I'm strong anymore, because I'm not. And I'm so scared.'

Tears rolled down her cheeks as words began to fail her, and she knew that she could say no more. Sending the voicemail, she put the phone back on the table and buried her face into the pillow. Sleep came as a welcome relief, pulling her into a restful place where she could recuperate nothing could hurt her.

Almost nothing.

Xxx

_Water. Everywhere, stretching as far as the eye could see, there was only water. Swallowed by an ocean of the deepest blue, Regina kicked her legs trying to keep her head above the surface; but she just wasn't strong enough and every so often her mouth filled with the taste of salt. She felt something brush across her ankle and jerked it away at once, only to be met by a bolt of pain of which she couldn't quite place the origin._

_A hand grabbed her ankle, its nails digging into her skin, and pulled her down until her head was covered and the light of the sun above her was a distant memory._

_Regina struggled, kicking and screaming and wondering why despite the cold water she felt as if she were burning. It pulled her deeper and deeper, and it became darker and darker, until finally it let her go and she was suspended in the ocean, alone once more._

_She tried to kick towards the surface, but it never seemed to get any closer. Her lungs were screaming for oxygen that she could not provide them, but still she fought on. There was a stinging pain in her ankle and she looked down to see little droplets of blood dancing in the water. Fascinated, she watched them for a moment as they moved and spread; only they didn't dissipate. _

_The water around her ankle turned crimson, a cloud expanding until as Regina looked around all of the water was tainted as such. She struggled, terror gripping her heart, but she felt the hand upon her leg and once more she was being dragged down into the bright red ocean._

Xxx

Regina woke with a start, breathing heavily as her eyes adjusted to the brightness. She made to sit up, but found that she couldn't. Everything hurt. She tried to turn onto her side but gasped as a pain so strong that for a moment it blinded her shot through her abdomen. It took her breath away, and she had to remind herself that she had escaped the clutches of the dream. Yet she still felt as if she were drowning, as if her legs were suspended in water. She could almost feel a droplet trickling down her inner thigh.

It felt strange, to be paralysed by pain and fear in this way, but as Regina started to realise that she was now fully returned to the waking world she could sense that something was wrong. Tilting her head she looked down at her body, and brought a trembling hand across herself to take hold of the duvet. It was as if she knew.

Pulling back the bedclothes, Regina felt her world fall apart in the space of a moment. Everything stopped, nothing mattered. She could see nothing else.

Nothing but blood.

* * *

**I'm going to hide.**

**This story is far from over, and there is a lot more still to do. Will aim for a usual weekend update. Please leave a review**


	12. Chapter 12

**I cannot thank you all enough for the amazing response to the last chapter, it really blew me away. I didn't want to keep you waiting too long and I really am updating as quickly as I can. Just such a big thanks to everyone, it means the world.**

**While I remember there was a question in a review a while back about how the potion Tinker Bell gave cured Regina's headache after she was blown back and hit the wall, and that was because the headache was caused by her use of the magic rather than physical injury. The potion helped with the magical aspect, not physical injuries. Hope that's clearer now.**

**Massive thanks again and there will be a little A/N at the end of the chapter.**

**Warning - This is not a happy chapter, and has a number of difficult themes**

* * *

When Henry came out of school, Mary Margaret was there to meet him rocking baby Neal in his pram.

'How was your day?' she asked brightly.

'Fine,' he mumbled, pulling his phone from his pocket as they started the walk back towards the apartment. 'Where's Emma?'

'Still at the station,' she explained, her nose wrinkling as her grandson used her daughter's first name. She could see that something was bothering him. 'Are you alright Henry?'

He sighed, putting his phone away and looking up at her.

'It's my Mom,' he sighed, and Mary Margaret felt her muscles tensing.

'Is she okay?

'She got really sick last night. She told me that she was fine this morning, but she looked awful.' His voice trailed off, the last word hardly more than a whisper.

'Did she call the doctor?'

'She said that she would, but she just wanted to rest first; she didn't get any sleep. I didn't want to leave her on her own but I had a stupid maths test and she wouldn't let me stay at home with her.'

Mary Margaret felt her heart thumping in her chest. Henry was clearly worried about his mother's health, and by the sound of it he had reason to be.

'I'm sure there's nothing to be concerned about,' she tried to reassure him, but her tone gave away the fact that she had no conviction in her words.

'There is,' he insisted, taking out his phone again and checking that he still had no messages.

'Henry, Regina knows what she's doing. I think she just doesn't want you to worry about her. If there's something wrong, which I'm certain there isn't, maybe she wants to try and work it out on her own.'

'She shouldn't have to,' he sighed.

'I know, but we have to respect her wishes. Your Mom only wants for you to be happy. I think she'll talk to you when she's ready.'

'She said she'd call me this evening.'

'Okay,' Mary Margaret nodded, 'then why don't we get home, have some dinner and if she hasn't called by 8 o'clock then we'll try contacting her.'

'And if she doesn't answer?'

'Then we'll go over there and check on her,' the brunette agreed.

'Alright,' Henry said, relaxing a little now that a plan was in place. Mary Margaret let him take control of the pram, and he had to admit that he enjoyed the walk back as he convinced himself to let some of his worries go.

Mary Margaret smiled at Henry, but there was a churning in the pit of her stomach and she started to get the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

Xxx

Regina couldn't breathe. Having ripped back the bedding, her eyes were locked on the horrific sight before her. The cream silk of her nightgown was covered in blood, the original colour lost in a sea of red which also covered the duvet and the sheets. So much blood. It made her want to be sick all over again. It made her want to scream.

She forced herself to sit up, but the pain caused by this movement so severe that she had to bite down hard on her lip to suppress a cry. Resting her head back against the headboard, Regina put one hand over her abdomen and closed her eyes. Nothing. She felt nothing.

'Come on,' she whispered, 'just like before…come back to me.'

She banged her head back against the board in frustration, only adding to her pain as she slowly lost her battle to deny the truth. Her hand curled, fisting the material of her nightgown. There was no denying it. Regina could feel an absence, like any empty space within her where her child should have been safe and growing. It felt different to before, and although she waited and calmed herself to try and feel any glimpse of hope, another miracle, she knew there was nothing that she could do. Her baby was gone.

Tears streamed silently down her cheeks, her breath catching every time she tried to force oxygen into her lungs and only heightening her panic. She wanted to scream, but when she opened her lips only a feeble whimper escaped. Regina turned on her side, curling her body in on itself and just staring at the far wall. The pain didn't matter to her anymore. Nothing did.

Xxx

Robin walked back from work as the sun started to set, making his way slowly through the quiet streets. He had been doing different jobs here and there for the past few weeks, and today he had offered to help Marco collect and chop wood from the forest just to get out of his room at Granny's.

He reached a fork in the road, knowing that one way would lead straight to Main Street and the other would take him back via Mifflin Street. Robin wanted nothing more than to charge up to Regina's door and beg her forgiveness, kiss her deeply and tell her how much he truly loved her. But he had made a promise, and no matter how much he wanted to break it he knew that he owed his former love at the respect to honour their agreement.

Resuming his walk, and choosing to head towards the centre of town rather than endure the pain of going past her house, Robin let out a deep sigh. He couldn't help but feel that the universe was somehow working against him.

Xxx

Henry hardly touched his burger as he sat with Emma and his grandparents, picking at his meal while staring at his phone and willing it to ring.

'It's still early,' Mary Margaret said gently, noticing his anxiety.

'I know.'

Emma looked at her mother, her brow creasing as she questioned what she was being kept in the dark about.

'Henry, why don't you go and give her a call,' suggested Mary Margaret. 'I know that she's fine, but I think it'll put your mind at ease.'

'Thanks,' he muttered quickly, slipping out of the booth and heading outside to call his mother.

'What's going on?' asked Emma.

'Regina hasn't been well,' Mary Margaret explained, rocking a sleeping Neal in her arms, 'and I think he's just worried about her.'

'Not well? Is she okay?'

'Honestly I don't know. Henry said she was really sick last night.'

'Do you think it had anything to do with what happened on Friday?' whispered Emma, feeling guilt swirling in the pit of her stomach.

'I couldn't say,' Mary Margaret sighed. 'She said she was fine when we left.'

'Somehow that doesn't give me a great deal of reassurance,' Emma mumbled, running her fingers through her hair.

Xxx

Henry closed his eyes as he listened to the ringing, as though silently praying that she would pick up the phone. As with his previous two attempts, however, he was unsuccessful.

'Mom, please,' he begged as the tone beeped and allowed him to leave a message. He wanted to say so much more, but he couldn't find the words so he cancelled the call.

'Something wrong, Henry?'

He looked up to see Doctor Whale approaching, heading towards the diner with one of the hospital receptionists on his arm.

'Doctor Whale,' he said urgently, 'how's my Mom?'

'Regina? I have no idea.'

'But…but she was going to call you,' he stuttered, his heart pounding fearfully in his chest, 'she wasn't well last night.'

'I'm afraid that I haven't heard from her,' Whale explained, looking confused. 'But if you need me give me a ring by all means.'

Henry ran back into the diner, breathing hard.

'We need to go and see my Mom.'

'What is it, what's wrong?' asked Mary Margaret.

'She wouldn't answer,' he panted, 'and she said she'd call Whale but she didn't…I've just got a really bad feeling something's wrong.'

Mary Margaret looked to Emma and her husband, who looked just as concerned as she felt. She turned back to Henry whose eyes were pleading with her, and decided to trust his instincts.

'Okay,' she agreed, standing carefully before handing Neal to Emma, 'David, Emma, can you stay here with the baby? We'll check back in as soon as we can.'

'Of course,' said Emma, chewing absentmindedly on her bottom lip, 'just…'

She didn't want to say good luck, even though that's what she meant. Luck had no part in this.

'Just let us know,' David finished delicately, putting a hand on his daughter's arm. With a weak smile, Mary Margaret followed Henry who was half running out of the door.

Xxx

Regina blinked furiously, unsure whether she had slipped into a daze or simply lost touch with the world. The sky outside was darkened now, and she had no idea how long she had been curled in her bed. Her breathing had become shallow, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't seem to steady it.

She knew that she needed to get out of the room, feeling suddenly claustrophobic, but her legs were uncooperative when she tried to stand and she fell down hard on her knees bringing a new wave of agony over her entire body. Regina cried out, Henry's name tumbling from her lips, but there was no-one there to hear her. Her abdomen burned as if she were on fire, her right side in particular throbbing with continuous pain.

Darkness began to encroach her vision, and though she managed to stumble a little further towards the door her weaknesses eventually caught up with her. Regina's head pounded along with her heart, a cruel reminded that she was still alive and that her child's own heart would never beat. It hurt, so much, in every way.

'Rose,' was the last word Regina whispered before she collapsed, giving into the pain and praying for it to take her away to her daughter.

Xxx

'I'm sure she's fine,' Mary Margaret assured Henry, and in part herself, as they walked up to Regina's front door.

'Yeah,' he mumbled.

'She's probably just asleep.'

She tested the door, finding it locked, and Henry used his key. His hand was shaking so much that it took some time to open. All of the lights were off, and the place seemed almost eerily quiet. Mary Margaret flicked the light switches and put a hand on Henry's shoulder.

'Why don't you have a look downstairs, and I'll check her room' she suggested.

'Okay,' Henry whispered, swallowing thickly as he tried to keep his fear under control.

Taking a deep breath, Mary Margaret climbed the stairs and headed for Regina's bedroom. It felt in part like an invasion of privacy, but also worryingly like a rescue mission. She's fine, she told herself as her hand clasped the brass doorknob of her stepmother's room, she's fine. Opening the door and turning on the light, she was proven wrong.

Mary Margaret let out a small shriek and covered her mouth with her hand. Regina was lying in a crumpled heap on the floor, dark hair covering her features, and there was blood…so much blood. She sank to her knees beside the fallen queen, her heart thumping in her chest.

Brushing the hair from her face, Mary Margaret placed two trembling fingers to Regina's throat to feel for a pulse. The older woman's skin was cold, clammy, and a so pale it looked like porcelain ready to shatter at the lightest touch. Her lips were tainted with a bluish hue, and had she not felt a faint thump beneath her fingertips Mary Margaret might have thought her already gone.

'Regina?' she croaked, tears forming in her eyes. She gently placed her hands on Regina's shoulders, and shook her lightly begging her to wake. 'Regina please…'

'What is it?' Henry called as he bounded up the stairs towards the source of the cry he had heard from his grandmother. Mary Margaret got to her feet at once and met him at his mother's door, obscuring his view of Regina.

'Henry…I don't think you should come in,' Mary Margaret said gently, her voice quivering.

'What happened? Where's my Mom?'

'I n-need you to stay calm, okay? Your Mom…' Tears spilled down her cheeks as she struggled to find the words to explain, and when Henry pushed his way past her she was powerless to stop him.

Henry stood, paralysed, eyes fixed on his mother. He saw the blood covering her nightdress, the odd angle of her limbs sprawled where she had fallen; he didn't know what to do.

'Henry,' Mary Margaret whispered, putting a hand on his arm.

'She…sh-she's…' stuttered Henry, words sticking in his throat.

'I know.'

'Mom,' he whispered his blood running cold in his veins as he begged her for something far out of her control.

'I need you to go and call an ambulance,' she continued slowly, wanting to get him as far away from all of this as possible, 'can you do that?'

'I w-want to stay with h-her,' he gulped, his breathing shallow as he started to hyperventilate.

'You can, sweetheart, but-'

'She…the baby…I should n-never have left her alone.'

'Don't say that,' Mary Margaret said at once. 'This isn't your fault, it's no-one's fault it… We just have to do what we can to help her. And right now she needs a doctor.'

Henry nodded in understanding, though his eyes never left Regina. He stayed for a moment, unable to pull himself away, before his brain finally started working again and he left the room.

'No…'

Mary Margaret dropped back to Regina's side as she heard the soft moan leave the brunette's lips.

'Regina,' she breathed, 'don't try and move. Help is on its way.'

'I…d-don't need help.'

She ignored Mary Margaret's words, her glassy eyes fluttering open and struggling to focus her surroundings. Her entire body throbbed with pain, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. As soon as her limbs began to co-operate, she tried to push herself into sitting position with her elbows. Mary Margaret took hold of her forearms, firmly but gently, and helped her to do so while offering her support.

'Regina, you've-'

'I know what's happened,' she snapped, though it was little more than a last defence, 'but there's nothing they can do for me.'

'You're shaking,' Mary Margaret pointed out, 'and you've lost a lot of blood. '

'They can't bring her back though, can they?' Regina stated darkly, her expression full of anger as tears fell down her cheeks.

'No.'

'Then let nature run its course,' the older woman muttered, pulling away from Mary Margaret's touch. Her head was pounding, fogging her mind as she tried to think coherently.

'The doctor might not be able to save your…your baby,' Mary Margaret said gently, 'but they can help you. Henry's here, Regina, and he's really scared; he doesn't know what's going on. Just let us get you to the hospital, please? He needs reassurance that you're okay.'

'Henry,' Regina whimpered, her resolve crumbling, 'I didn't want…he shouldn't see this.'

'You can't keep him away, I've already tried. He's too worried about you.'

'I…I can't…' mumbled Regina, her thoughts becoming more difficult to put together as confusion took hold.

'What?'

'I came so close,' she rambled, more to herself than Mary Margaret.

'Close? Close to what?'

'Happiness,' breathed Regina, a sob causing her whole body to shake.

Mary Margaret felt her heart breaking, tears clouding her vision as she beheld the broken woman. Regina closed her eyes, feeling her head becoming lighter; she just wanted it to go away.

'Regina,' Mary Margaret warned, trying to keep the older woman from slipping back into unconsciousness, 'you have to stay awake. Can you open your eyes for me?'

'I-' Regina started, but a wave of pain coursed through her body and she felt as if every nerve ending was on fire. She screamed, putting one hand across her burning torso and using the other to steady herself on the floor. When Mary Margaret held her once more, she didn't pull away. It was awful, a knife twisting in an already painful wound; everything around her became fuzzy.

'Regina?' Mary Margaret tried. 'Regina, what can I do?'

'R-' she stuttered, trying through choked sobs to get the word out.

'I'm sorry I can't…what are you trying to say?'

'R-Robin,' Regina forced herself to say, 'I…I n-need…' Another bolt of agony caused her to double over and scream again. Henry ran into the room to the sound of his mother's cries, and he went to her at once, wrapping his arms around her protectively and taking over from his grandmother. It wasn't long before she lost her fight with consciousness, and slumped into his embrace.

He held her delicately in his arms, cradling her as gently as he could.

'They're on their way,' he said quietly. He looked up with wide eyes at Mary Margaret who was standing over him, arms wrapped around herself. 'What do I do?'

For a moment she couldn't answer him, her mind a blank page begging for the written word. She knew that she was supposed to have all of the answers, but she could only stare in shock and horror as a son clung desperately to his unconscious mother. His dying mother. That thought was so unbearable that it spurred her into action.

'Keep her still,' Mary Margaret instructed, wiping the tears from her eyes, 'and talk to her, try and bring her round.'

'She's so cold.'

Mary Margaret went to wardrobe and found a thick cashmere blanket, draping it over Regina's body.

'It'll be alright Mom,' Henry promised, kissing her forehead, 'you'll be alright.'

She shivered in his arms, and as much as it frightened him he couldn't help but be glad that she was still moving. He pulled the blanket higher to cover her shoulders.

Finding Regina's phone on the bedside table, Mary Margaret picked it up and found Robin's name. She dialled the number, but grew frustrated as it kept being left to ring. After four failed attempts, she called Emma who picked up almost at once.

_'Mom?'_

'Emma,' Mary Margaret sighed, finding some small relief in her daughter's voice.

_'What is it? What happened? We heard sirens outside and Whale ran to the hospital for some emergency. Tell me…tell me it's not…'_

'I wish I could,' she whispered sadly.

_'Is she…oh God, is the baby okay?'_

Mary Margaret paused for a moment, biting her trembling lower lip. 'No.'

Emma's shocked silence said all that needed to be said. For something so empty, it was filled with both horror and despair.

'Emma…she asked for Robin, but he's not picking up his phone. I think she really needs him right now. She…it's not good, Emma.'

_'I'll drive out and find him, bring him to the hospital.'_

'Thank you.'

_'Mom?'_

'Yes?'

_'I love you._'

Mary Margaret felt herself crumbling, and forced herself to take a deep shuddering breath.

'I love you too honey.'

Somehow those words meant so much more now.

Xxx

Emma turned to David, eyes sparkling with tears. He gathered her into his arms, not needing to ask. When she pulled away she had sniffed back her tears, though the emotion was still raw beneath the flimsy surface and threatened to bubble over.

'I have to find Robin,' she explained briefly, grabbing her car keys from the table and bending down to kiss baby Neal on the forehead where he was sleeping in his car seat.

'I'll find someone to watch the baby and meet you at the hospital.'

Emma nodded, before running out of the diner doors and starting the bug.

Xxx

'The ambulance is here,' Mary Margaret announced as she peered through the window at the flashing lights.

'See? I told you it'd only be a minute,' Henry reassured his mother, brushing a hand gently through her hair. She let out a soft whimper, and the sound of it brought new tears to his eyes.

Two paramedics came up the stairs, carrying a bag and a spinal board. One went over to Mary Margaret to ask what had happened while the other crouched beside Regina.

'We're going to need you stand back kid,' a woman with fiery ginger hair said gently.

'Sh-she's my Mom,' he stammered.

'I know,' she reassured him, 'but we're just trying to help her, and to do that we need a bit of space.'

Henry swallowed nervously, but complied as the woman, who named herself as Merida, instructed him to lay Regina delicately on the floor. He then stood and backed away, still able to see but unable to hinder their work.

Merida tried to stir Regina, but only managed to elicit a dull moan. She placed an oxygen mask over her face and pulled the blanket aside; Henry saw how it too was stained red and felt his heart hammer his ribs. Merida felt Regina's forehead with the back of her hand and turned to her colleague.

'I think she's going into hypovolemic shock,' she stated, trying not to sound grim in front of the queen's son. 'She has tachycardia, increase resp rate…we have to move her now.'

'Wh-what does that mean?' asked Henry. Mary Margaret moved beside Henry and put her arms around his shoulders. He leaned on her heavily, feeling the last of his strength slowly waning as both paramedics moved his mother onto the board and lifted her into the air.

'It means that she's lost a lot of blood,' Merida explained, 'and because of this her body isn't getting enough oxygen. She needs to go to the hospital right away.'

They carried Regina down the stairs and into the ambulance with a speed that suggested desperation, and Henry climbed in the back as they settled her on the gurney. Despite Merida's protests, he made it clear that he wasn't moving and she reluctantly agreed.

'Only one though,' she told Mary Margaret sympathetically.

'I'll follow behind.'

'Good, then let's go.'

Xxx

The bug screeched to a halt just outside the camp in the woods, and Emma left it running as she sprinted out into the forest towards where the Merry Men had made their home. She found what she knew to be Robin's tent and without waiting for any invitation, ducked her head inside to see Marian sitting reading a book.

'Where's…Robin…?' she asked, breathing hard from the run.

'I have no idea,' Marian answered, putting her book aside and standing to face Emma. 'Is something wrong?'

'Regina,' Emma breathed, noticing how Marian tensed at her name.

'Her.'

'Look, I know you think she's still the Evil Queen, but I've seen her change; that's not her anymore. She tried to kill me too, not that long ago actually, but I have seen her face the worst odds and manage to redeem herself. She's trying to be good.'

'Why are you telling me this?' Marian asked, confused.

'Because I need you to help me find Robin.'

Marian looked at her with a wrinkled brow.

'Why would I help you bring him back to her? He left me, left our family…'

'I'm sorry, I really am, but this isn't about that anymore.' Emma paused for a moment, not wanting to betray Regina's privacy but also knowing that she didn't have the time to skirt around the facts. 'Regina…she was pregnant, with his child, and she never told him.'

'Was…' Marian gasped, her heart aching a little as her anger slowly melted away.

'She's been rushed to hospital, and she asked for him. Don't you think he has a right to know, to be there?'

Marian was lost for words. Her hatred for the woman who had stolen everything from her seemed so unimportant, so petty in the light of what was happening. It wasn't Regina's fault that Robin had left her, not really. They could have tried to make it work but it was no longer love between them. And if she had been carrying his child…

'Yes,' she admitted slowly, 'yes he should be with her.'

'We tried calling him, but he wouldn't pick up.'

'I…I have his phone,' Marian shook her head, feeling guilt weighing heavily on her heart. 'I didn't…I wasn't thinking…'

'Hey, it's okay,' Emma reassured her, 'but we have to find him. Do you have any idea where he might have gone?'

'He took a room at Granny's. I told him to go and think everything over, but I…I never meant…'

Emma put a hand on her shoulder. 'This isn't your fault. Look, I'm really sorry but I have to go.'

'Go,' Marian nodded, 'and…tell him, tell them both, that I'm sorry?'

'I will,' Emma promised, before turning and running back to her car.

Xxx

'Henry…' Regina breathed through the mask giving her oxygen. She reached up and pulled it away from her mouth, allowing her to speak, though her eyes remained closed. Henry gave her hand a squeeze, having intertwined their fingers as soon as he sat down beside her in the ambulance.

'I'm here,' he assured her.

'I…I'm sorry baby.'

'Don't be silly,' he said, his expression crumpling, 'you have nothing to be sorry for.'

'I…didn't listen…'

'Regina, you need to keep calm okay? We're almost at the hospital,' Merida told her, monitoring how her heart rate had started to climb.

'Robin,' she whispered, as the mask was pulled back over her face.

'He's coming, I promise,' Henry took her hand and kissed it, rubbing his thumb gently over her knuckles. 'It'll be okay.'

She looked so small, so weak, that he had to hold back tears. Henry felt her hand tightening as her face wrinkled from the pain.

'Can't you do something?'

'I've given her morphine,' Merida said apologetically, 'there's not much else I can do until we get there.'

Regina gasped, her body going into spasm for a moment as pain ricocheted down her spine, and then her body went limp as unconsciousness took hold once more.

'Mom?'

Henry looked up at Merida who was taking his mother's pulse again.

'Dammit,' she breathed.

'What? What is it?' he asked, but before he could get an answer the vehicle stopped and the back doors were thrown open.

Everything was a blur; Regina was wheeled into the building with Henry running alongside to keep up. An IV line had been inserted into the back of her hand to try and keep her hydrated, and as they stopped her in a bay Doctor Whale appeared and ordered the nurse to start transfusing blood.

Mary Margaret, who had followed the ambulance closely, came in and took Henry to the side holding him closely as the doctors worked on Regina.

'BP dropping'

'Need type and cross match'

'Regina, can you hear me?'

Doctor Whale picked up an ultrasound device and quickly scanned across Regina's abdomen, his expression darkening.

'We've got a ruptured tube,' he called, 'she's bleeding internally. Let's get her to theatre.'

'What's happening?' asked Henry, the medical jargon washing over him with unease.

'We're going to have to take Regina for emergency surgery,' Whale explained briefly, grabbing the rails of the gurney and pushing the bed along the corridor in a half run. Henry wriggled away from Mary Margaret and followed them outside, until Merida grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

'That's my Mom,' he shouted, trying to break free.

'Yes, but you can't go with her,' Merida told him frankly. 'She's in good hands, just let them take care of her now.'

Henry looked past her and watched Regina until she was out of sight, and he let out a sob as he collapsed into the paramedic's arms.

'REGINA,' Robin thundered as he burst through the doors, Emma running alongside him.

'She's gone,' spat Henry, standing up straight and squaring with the outlaw as his terror turned to anger in the pit of his stomach.

'Gone…'

'Into surgery,' Mary Margaret added quickly, catching up with her grandson.

'What happened?' asked Robin, his eyes wide with confusion and fear.

'You don't know?' breathed Mary Margaret.

'I just grabbed him and said Regina was in the hospital,' Emma explained, 'I didn't have time to go any further before he set off running.'

'Will someone just tell me?' he growled.

'You…you might want to sit down,' Mary Margaret told him, tears sparkling in her eyes.

'No,' he insisted, 'tell me. Was she hurt? Did someone attack her?'

'N-no, nothing like that.'

'Then what?' he shouted, his fears and frustrations fuelling his untempered anger. Robin watched as tears slipped down Mary Margaret's cheeks and he felt a knot twisting inside of him.

'Regina had a miscarriage,' she said quietly.

* * *

**Okay, so I am sorry to those of you who were hoping it wasn't the case but she has lost the baby. I know that it's cruel, but I promise that the entire story isn't just going to be that way; it will get better for her, even if it doesn't look that way. I'm sorry if people think it's not right but that's how I envisioned the story, so that's what I've written.**

**This story is far from over, however, and obviously there will be a lot of fallout from what has happened and things to deal with.**

**I am so thankful to every single person who has read and reviewed this story so far. I will update again as soon as I can and I am sorry I had to be so mean but it's part of the bigger picture.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay, so firstly I wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed, even those who do not agree with what I have written. I knew when I posted the chapter that there were going to be mixed opinions, and strong ones at that, and I was prepared for backlash. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect that completely; it was a controversial decision and I knew it might upset people. I should have perhaps warned the nature of the last chapter and for that I apologise. I had planned to do so and it slipped my mind as I have been massively stressed with work.**

**The only thing I would like to say in response is something I feel has been misinterpreted.**

**Having Regina lose her baby is NOT a plot point just to make Robin and Regina end up doesn't have to suffer so that they realise their love or anything like that. It is a tragic occurrence, and I wanted this story to be how Regina copes with something so life shattering and how the people around her react. This is a very real and touchy subject I never thought 'oh, what would make Robin realise his love for Regina'. This is an outlaw queen fic, but what has happened to her is not just to push them together and I hope that will be clear as this story progresses. **

**Rant over, back to Earth. **

**I want to say a massive thank you to OutlawQueenLuvr whose review absolutely made my day after quite a few less positive ones. **

**Sorry for the long A/N and enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

Robin felt the bottom fall out of his stomach. He didn't need to ask if it had been his, for it was clear on the young woman's face what her answer would be. For a moment he forgot how to breathe, simply staring and waiting as if he hoped the world would correct itself. He wished he had sat down.

'No…' he breathed, refusing to believe the terrible truth.

'I'm sorry Robin,' Mary Margaret cried, unable to hide her distress. Emma came to stand next to her, slipping a hand into her mother's.

He ran his fingers through his hair, unsure whether to scream or cry or just fall to the ground. Most of all he wanted to burst through the doors and gather Regina into his arms, cradling her close to his chest as he told her that it would all be alright. He needed to see her, and being kept away from her felt like a punishment for not being where he should have; by her side.

'She…she didn't tell me,' he mumbled, shaking his head, 'why didn't she tell me?'

'Because you didn't deserve to know,' Henry piped up, his eyes narrowing with anger. Robin looked at him, confused.

'I don't understand.'

'Do you have any idea how much you hurt her?' Henry yelled at him. 'For weeks she couldn't even say your name without bursting into tears. She tried to hide it from me, because she's that kind of person, but I still saw what it did to her. I had to pick up the pieces.'

'I never meant to cause her pain,' Robin said honestly. 'She pushed me away, she told me that we couldn't-'

'Do you think that makes what you did okay?' roared Henry.

'No,' Robin swallowed, knowing that it was no justification for how he had acted. 'I…Marian came back, and I…I panicked.'

'Where were you that night? With your wife? Because my Mom was alone in her house; she even pushed me away, and you know what she said? She said that she was always alone.'

The words cut into Robin's heart like a dagger. Henry's eyes were burning with fury, his teeth clenched, but there were tears gracing his cheeks.

'You made her feel like that,' Henry continued, 'you made her feel alone. And after everything she's been through, that is the worst thing you could do.'

Before Robin could answer, Henry stormed out into the cool night air and Emma put a hand on his arm to stop him following.

'Give him some time to cool off,' she suggested. 'He's just worried about Regina.'

'He was right though, everything he said was right. She deserved so much better from me, and I let her down. I was a coward when I should have been strong, and I let her tell me to go because then I could try and convince myself that I hadn't hurt her.'

'If you tell her that, then maybe she'll understand,' Emma tried, though she wasn't sure she could offer the man any comfort.

'What if I don't get to tell her?' he whispered, lowering his head.

'Don't say that,' Mary Margaret cut in with a warning, 'don't you dare.'

Robin walked towards the wall and hit it with a closed fist, achieving little more than a dull throbbing in his knuckles. It did nothing to distract from the pain in his heart.

Xxx

Henry looked up at the bright orb of the moon, staring down watchfully over a sleeping world. The wind was verging on cold, drying his tears as it whistled past, but it was refreshing. Out here, silent but for the wind, it was almost as if everything wasn't crumbling to dust around him. He didn't turn around when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

'Hey,' Mary Margaret said quietly.

'Hey.'

'How are you holding up?'

Henry let out a long, deep sigh in response. His mother was fighting for her life; they both knew he wasn't holding up all too well.

'I've known Regina for a very long time Henry, and if there's one thing I've learned it's that she is a fighter. She won't let this beat her.'

'This is different,' reasoned Henry. 'This isn't about curses or magic or quests. This is real life, the sort of stuff that happens no matter what world you're from. There's no mystical solution.'

'But there are doctors, and the medical knowledge is far better here than back in the Enchanted Forest. She's in good hands.'

With that, at least, Henry agreed with his grandmother. He looked up at the sky, searching the stars for the constellations Regina had taught him when he was younger. They had sat on the grass in the garden, both with a steaming mug of hot chocolate, and he had pointed eagerly and asked each star's name; his mother had not faltered once.

She had told him years later that the stars were the same in every realm, one of the few constants spanning their worlds. In the year Regina had spent alone in the Enchanted Forest, she revealed to Henry that she would often spend her nights looking up at the sky and finding comfort in knowing he could see what she saw.

'She's not a fighter,' he said after a while.

'What do you mean?'

'She fights because she has to, to try and protect herself, but I don't think that's who she is.'

'I know what you mean,' Mary Margaret agreed. 'Before everything, in the time that I knew the young Regina, I didn't see a ruthless warrior.'

'My Mom likes everyone to think that she's strong, especially when she's hurt. But these last few weeks…it's like she can't even pretend,' Henry tried to explain. 'That's why I'm so angry at Robin.'

'It's not his fault,' Mary Margaret defended him.

'What happened today isn't, no,' he admitted, 'but you haven't been there. She's been a totally different person, like someone took away that makes her…you know…Regina. He hurt her, and I think after everything that happened it was just the last straw. He took away her strength.'

'He didn't mean to,' the brunette said quietly. 'We've all made a lot of mistakes Henry.'

'I just want her to be happy,' he mumbled. 'She doesn't deserve any of this; she was trying to be good. I thought good was always supposed to win?'

'In the end, yes, but there are always things along the way that hurt us.'

'She already loved it…the baby,' Henry said after a while, feeling his throat constricting with emotion. 'Whenever she talked about her, you could see it in her eyes.'

'Henry,' Mary Margaret breathed, tears falling down her cheeks.

'I even helped her pick out a name.'

She gathered her grandson into her arms, and he clung onto her tightly as he began to sob.

'It's okay,' Mary Margaret soothed, rubbing his back. 'It'll be okay.'

She wished she had any confidence in her words.

Xxx

_Regina fell back against the pillows, chuckling as she heard Robin breathing heavily._

_'Did I tire you out, thief?'_

_'Hardly,' he panted, betraying the truth. He turned his head to look at her, finding himself stunned in light of her radiance. It was as if she were glowing, her skin shimmering in the light the moon cast through the windows._

_'God you're beautiful.'_

_Regina felt heat rising in her cheeks and smiled._

_'You're not so bad yourself.'_

_He brought his hand up to her cheek and ran his thumb across the soft skin._

_'Do you have any idea how happy you've made me?' he whispered._

_She reached over and caught his lips in a slow, meaningful kiss and rested her forehead against his when they parted._

_'If it's anything close to how happy you've made me, then I'm glad.'_

_He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, and she rested her head on his bare chest._

_'Can we just stay here like this forever?' Regina murmured, the warmth and comfort of another's embrace enticing her slowly into sleep._

_'I'm game if you are,' Robin grinned. He watched her breathing slow, and felt her grip on him loosen as she finally drifted off. Kissing the top of her head, he whispered to her._

_'I will never let you go.'_

Xxx

'Robin?'

He was pulled from his memories as Emma handed him a scorching cup of coffee, and he nodded at her in thanks.

'How's your hand?'

'Sore,' he admitted, looking down at his bruised knuckles.

'Did it help?'

'No.'

'Then you need to hit something harder,' she said, trying to coax Robin into a smile he was unwilling to give. They sat in silence for a while, and Emma noticed his eyes flicking to look at the doors that led to the operating theatres at least once every thirty seconds.

'She's going to be okay,' Emma assured him.

'How can you know that?' Robin asked, and Emma shrugged.

'I just know.'

'I should have been there for her,' he grumbled, the anger at himself so strong her clenched his bruised hand into a fist and winced at the pain.

'It wouldn't have changed anything,' she stated truthfully.

'But I'd have been there,' sighed Robin, and Emma couldn't argue with that.

'I saw Marian,' she said, the painful silence of impatience too much to bear. 'She said you left.'

'I couldn't keep lying to her anymore,' Robin told her. 'We both knew it wasn't working; we aren't the same people we used to be. I've known for weeks that things weren't right, but I just didn't want anyone to get hurt and when Regina told me to go…'

He shook his head, taking a sip of his coffee and relishing its bitterness.

'She was going to have a baby.'

'Robin…I'm so sorry.'

'You know, Regina didn't think she would ever have a child of her own; she wasn't sure if she could. She only mentioned it in passing but I could see how upset it made her. She loves Henry more than anything in the world, but I think that it kills her that he will never be her own blood.'

'Henry will always be her son,' Emma said definitively. 'He might have my DNA, but he's the person she raised him to be; that's all her.'

'She's a wonderful mother,' Robin agreed sadly. 'I always wanted us to be a family. We were only together for a few weeks, but the connection was so strong that I think I knew right away that it was never going to be just a casual relationship. When Regina told me that Tinker Bell had said we were soul mates, it wasn't a stretch to believe her.'

'I never should have saved Marian,' Emma sighed.

'You should,' he countered. 'It should never be right to leave someone to die who might otherwise be saved. And if nothing else, you gave Roland his mother back. If I had just been honest with everyone in the first place, then it didn't have to change everything as much as it did.'

'Everyone is blaming themselves for what has happened, but it's my fault.'

'What do you mean? Robin asked her.

'On Friday night I went to see her to try and sort some things out about Henry. I wanted to explain why I did what I did, but she wasn't ready to hear it and I said some things…things I didn't think about before I said them. I should have seen how vulnerable she was, but I didn't pay attention. Regina tried to use magic to push me away but it backfired, and she got hurt. She said she was fine, but what if that's what caused this? What if this happened because of me?'

Emma shook her head, trying to keep the tears from her eyes. She had caused Regina so much pain already, and the thought the she might have contributed to this was almost too much.

'We may never know,' Robin mumbled, not sure what else to say. He looked back up at the doors, praying for a miracle, and Emma didn't question it. As time crawled on, she found herself doing the same.

Xxx

_Wherever she was, it was dark. Flashes of what had happened kept coming through; images of Mary Margaret shaking her to try and wake her up, of a woman with ginger hair sticking a needle into the back of her hand and the sound of Henry's voice trying to soothe her as she shivered in his arms._

_'Please, Mom, please come back to me.'_

_She tried several times to break through the barrier that seemed to be keeping her away from the waking world, but something kept pushing her back and in the end she stopped trying to fight it. _

_Her thoughts were a muddle. One moment she would forget who she was, what had happened and why she was in this terrible dark place and then everything would come rushing back. She knew that she was close to dying. It felt as if a choice were being offered to her, the chance to stay with her son or go with her daughter; all she wanted was to be out of this purgatory. _

Xxx

A nurse had coaxed them all into the waiting room, and they were all sitting in silence like mourners at a wake. Well, almost all. Robin had taken to pacing the room like a caged lion, and although it was irritating no-one said a word because they all knew exactly how he felt.

After an hour or so, David was shown into the room and without a word Mary Margaret stood and embraced him, holding on as if for dear life. He wrapped his arms tightly around her as she buried her face into his neck, crying softly.

'Have you heard anything?' he asked Emma over Mary Margaret's shoulder.

'Nothing yet,' she sighed. Emma was sitting with her arm around Henry, who was trying his hardest not to fall asleep. She had tried to convince him to go home and get some rest, but he hadn't even needed to come up with an argument against her suggestion to show that it was not going to happen; one look had kept her quiet.

'Where's Neal?' Mary Margaret breathed as she stood up straight, her arms still around her husband's neck.

'Ruby and Granny have him for the night, but they said there was no rush. I didn't want to leave him but I knew that I was needed here, at least for now.'

His wife nodded, kissing him lightly on the lips and hugging him again. She needed him now more than words could describe.

Xxx

The waiting became more than unbearable. Minutes passed, turning slowly into hours, and no-one said a word. The sun was beginning to rise outside when the door finally opened, and every head in the room snapped up in synchrony to see Doctor Whale.

Henry was first up, scrambling to his feet and out of his mother's arms despite the aching tiredness of his limbs.

'Is she okay? What happened?'

'I-'

'Can I see her?' Henry said, bombarding him with questions yet fearful of the responses. He was trying to ignore the grave look on the doctor's face.

'I'm sorry, Henry.'

'NO,' Henry screamed, his world falling apart, 'no she…she's not…she can't be….'

'She's still alive,' Whale added quickly, 'but there were complications.'

'What do you mean?' asked Emma.

'Regina had what is called an ectopic pregnancy, where the embryo implants in the fallopian tube rather than the uterus. It can grow, to a point, but unless it is caught early then the tube will rupture.'

'That's what happened?' gasped Mary Margaret.

'Yes,' Whale nodded. 'I removed the tube and repaired what I could, but I'm afraid there's nothing more that I can do for her now.'

'I want to see her,' Henry insisted.

'I don't think that's a good idea.'

'LET ME SEE MY MOM!'

'You let the boy in,' Robin snarled, standing behind Henry in support, 'or you'll have me to answer to, and I don't see you coming out of that encounter too well. Do you?'

The doctor shook his head, and sighed with acceptance.

'They've moved her to a side room,' he explained. 'I can take you all there, but only Henry can go in for now and not for too long. Is that clear?'

'Yes,' Henry agreed at once, 'just show me to my Mom.'

Whale turned and led them down the corridor to the room where the curse had been broken what seemed like an age ago. The other beds had been removed to form a makeshift intensive care unit, leaving only Regina's visible through the glass partition. After a nod from Whale, a nurse put a hand around Henry and opened the door to take him to his mother and the rest of the group were left to wait outside, staring in and watching helplessly.

Henry felt his heart thumping hard in his chest as he walked up to Regina's bedside. Had he not known that it was her, she would have been impossible to recognise. Her skin was as pale as the bed sheets, and a variety of wires were snaked across her body attaching her to several different machines. There was a tube down her throat connected to a ventilator, which hissed softly every time it forced air into her lungs.

An idea began to form in his mind, and he moved in closer to Regina - true love's kiss. It had saved him from death, broken curses; surely it could bring her back to him. Closing his eyes, Henry concentrated as hard as he could on the love he had for his mother and gently brought his lips to her forehead.

Nothing happened. It felt as if he had failed her.

Henry took her cold hand gently, tears falling from his eyes.

'I'm sorry Mom,' he whispered.

Xxx

'What did you mean when you said there was nothing more you could do?' Emma asked, as she stood with Robin and her parents watching Henry and Regina through the glass.

'Exactly that,' Whale sighed. 'I did everything I could think of, but her body just isn't strong enough to cope with that level of damage.'

'So…so she'll…' Mary Margaret stuttered, holding desperately onto David's hand.

'Yes, Regina will die,' he confirmed. 'She should have died in theatre. Her heart began to fail and it took us half an hour, somehow we brought her back but it's not enough. She lost so much blood and her heart is too weak. I'm sorry but it will fail again.'

'We should have gotten to her sooner,' Mary Margaret said, shaking her head.

'Don't say that like you're to blame for this,' David told her, squeezing her hand.

'Henry knew something was wrong, if I'd just listened to him-' She broke off, tears spilling down her cheeks.

'Regina is lucky that you found her, Mary Margaret,' Whale reassured her. 'The fact of it is that ectopic pregnancies cannot survive. This would have happened sooner or later, as tragic as that is; her baby wasn't meant to survive, and perhaps she wasn't either. This way at least her son can get a chance to say goodbye.'

'There has to be something we can do,' David said almost pleading.

'I think the only reason she has held on this long is because of her magic,' the doctor thought aloud, 'but for some reason, it cannot sustain her.'

'I am not losing her,' Robin shook his head defiantly, 'not after everything. I won't lose her again.'

'Is there no other magic that can help her?' Emma tried.

'I couldn't say,' answered Whale, 'but it would take nothing short of a miracle.'

'If she needs a miracle I'll bring her one,' Robin muttered, taking one last lingering look at Regina before tearing himself away and storming out of the hospital.

Xxx

Mr. Gold was in his shop, weighing a strange blue powder carefully on brass scales when Robin burst through the door.

'Rumpelstiltskin,' he breathed, walking up to the counter.

'Robin Hood,' he replied calmly, 'what can I do for you?'

'Help her.'

Gold had known the second Robin had entered the shop what was wrong, and when he looked up at the man he knew so little his blackened heart did threaten to crack. The once proud man was gripping the glass of the counter desperately, his eyes red and bloodshot as he didn't even try to hide the fact he had been crying. His emotions were so strong that Gold could feel anger and fear radiating from him like heat, burning in the wake of his tragedy.

'And what makes you think that I can?'

'Please,' Robin begged, 'I'll do anything, anything you want. Just…just try?'

'Rumpel?' Belle called as she came through from the office, confusion furrowing her brow. 'What happened?'

'Regina,' he answered simply.

'What has she done?'

Robin gave Belle a look that could only be described as murderous, but Gold held his hand up to silence him and turned to his wife.

'Regina has become…quite unwell.'

'She's dying,' Robin corrected him, tears glistening in his eyes.

'Can you help her?' Belle asked nervously, feeling guilty that her first thought had been that Regina herself was at fault.

'I don't know,' Gold said honestly, 'but I can try.'

'Thank you,' breathed Robin, his heart daring to hope.

'I make no promises, and if by chance there is something I can do then you know how it goes; all magic comes with a price.'

'Whatever it is I shall pay it, I swear,' Robin assured him.

'Ah,' sighed Gold, smiling sadly, 'but that is the trouble with magic; you cannot always choose who has to.'

Xxx

Henry had pulled a chair to Regina's bedside, and rested his head on the mattress beside where their hands were joined. He drifted off into a light sleep, the weight of everything that had happened over the past twenty four hours dragging him down into slumber. He didn't dream, not exactly, but he found himself remembering times from his childhood when it had just been him and Regina; his birthdays and Christmases, his first day at school.

He had never been unhappy, not until he had found out that he was adopted and started to question why his birth mother had abandoned him. His anger had given him blinkered vision, and for a long time he had refused to see reality; that his life, cursed or otherwise, had been perfectly happy and he had been loved and cherished by his true mother.

Henry woke slowly as an unfamiliar sound intruded his dreams, and he blinked furiously as he lifted his head. Beeping. Loud beeping.

'Mom?'

His brain took a while to catch up, and when he looked up at the flashing monitor his eyes widened in fear.

'MOM,' he screamed, kicking back the chair. Doctor Whale ran into the room followed by Emma, David and Mary Margaret.

'What's happening?' Henry whimpered, as Emma pulled him back.

'It's her heart,' he muttered, 'you shouldn't all be in here.'

'We are not going anywhere,' Mary Margaret insisted.

'Then stand back.'

They all moved away from the bed, giving the doctor some space to move around Regina. He checked her vital signs, noting her falling blood pressure and injected something into the back of her hand. The beeping slowed slightly, but Whale shook his head.

'It won't work,' he said, to himself as much as the others, 'she's too weak.'

'You have to do something,' Henry shouted desperately, 'you can't just let her die.'

Whale looked to Henry apologetically, wishing he could offer more reassurance, but he was saved from false promises as Robin came crashing into the room followed by Mr. Gold.

'Gold?' Emma said, surprised that of all people he had come to help.

'Miss Swan,' he answered coolly, walking swiftly over to his former protégée and flicking his wrist. A soft purple light emanated from Regina for a few seconds before it dissipated, and the infernal beeping finally stopped.

'What did you do?' Henry asked his grandfather, unsure whether to be relieved or apprehensive.

'I preserved her in her current condition,' Gold explained, 'to stop…to keep her safe until we can work out what to do.'

'And can you do something?' Mary Margaret pushed him.

'Perhaps,' he replied vaguely. 'I cannot heal her myself. Her magic was connected to her child's and when it was lost, her powers were weakened. What remains is the only thing currently keeping her heart from failing entirely. If I tried to heal her my magic would clash with hers, and there would be nothing left to keep her stable.'

'That doesn't sound like perhaps, that sounds like no,' Emma hissed, trying to keep her patience.

'She has to heal herself; it has to be her own magic.'

'But that's not going to happen,' the saviour snapped frustratedly.

'It might,' Gold argued. 'If I try and ignite her magic, give it a boost of sorts, then it should give her enough time for her body to start repairing itself naturally. But there are no guarantees. She's so weak that I'd have to do it in stages and it could still not be enough. And as I told Robin, it would come at a price and one I cannot foresee.'

Emma brought a hand to the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, trying to take it all in. Mary Margaret turned into her husband, but Robin moved forward and put a hand on Henry's shoulder.

'It's your call,' he said gently.

'We have to try,' Henry sniffed, wiping tears from his eyes as he look up at his grandfather. 'Please…we have to try.'

'Of course,' Gold nodded, smiling weakly. 'I'll do my best. But I need to have some time alone.'

Henry went up to Regina and brushed her hair from her face, kissing her forehead once more.

'This isn't goodbye,' he whispered, before reluctantly following his family to wait outside. Robin lingered back, taking Regina's hand and kissing it lightly.

'I don't deserve a second chance,' he breathed, 'but I know that I will never be complete until I say the words. I love you, Regina, with all my heart, and I promise you that one day I will say it to you properly.'

With a heavy heart, Robin joined the Charmings on the other side of the glass and Rumpelstiltskin was left with Regina.

'Oh dearie,' he sighed, standing over the former queen. After everything they had been through together and every battle they had faced, it seemed like an injustice for her to be struck down by something so…human. She didn't deserve this fate, and he refused to admit that this would be her end.

He placed his hand above her unconscious form and closed his eyes so that he could concentrate. Gold felt his magic reaching his fingertips, bubbling furiously, and he channelled it as gently as he could into Regina. He felt the connection as their magic collided. Regina's had been wounded, torn almost, but a small smile passed across Gold's lips; she was still fighting.

'So stubborn your majesty,' he hissed through gritted teeth, as she refused to accept his help. He started to push, hoping that her magic would recede enough for him to manipulate it as he needed to. Then everything exploded.

Gold stumbled back, hit with the sudden force of the burst of magic between them. The connection was lost. He looked up, unsure as to what had happened, and for a moment his heart stopped.

Xxx

Regina gasped, her eyes flying open as she was pulled out from the darkness. She tried to breathe, but began to panic as the ventilation tube scratched at her throat. Her hands flew up, grabbing the rails around her bed.

As they realised what was happening, Whale was the first to respond running to Regina's side.

'You have to calm down,' he said firmly. She was fighting against the machine, hyperventilating and only doing herself more damage. Taking hold of the end of the breathing tube he disconnected it.

'I can take it out, but you have to help me. I'll count to three, and on three you cough as hard as you can. Okay?'

Though her eyes were wide, Regina gave an almost imperceptible nod and when he gave the word she coughed as he extracted the tube. When she was free of it, she gulped as much air as she could, her chest feeling constricted with fear as she tried to adjust to breathing normally. It was hard to take in everything that was going on, confusion fogging all of the other sensations her body was trying to give her. There was pain, there was panic, there was sadness, but to her it was all a blur.

'MOM,' Henry shouted as he ran to her side. Regina looked at him, almost as if she didn't recognise him for a moment, but when he threw his arms around her she softened into his embrace. She looked over his shoulder and saw Robin, and it felt as if she had been hit squarely in the chest with every different emotion at once. She held Henry tighter, her hands grabbing desperately at his shirt and he noticed at once.

'Hey, Mom, it's okay,' he soothed, and his heart broke a little as a sob escaped her lips.

'I think you should let her rest a while,' Whale whispered, and reluctantly Henry pulled away from his mother lowering her back against the pillows.

'I'm right here,' Henry assured her, as he untangled from her grip. Whale injected something into the back of her hand and Regina's eyelids began to droop involuntarily.

'Is she going to be okay?' Henry asked him, voice wavering.

'She's alive kid,' he smiled hopefully, 'for today that might have to be enough.'

* * *

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review and I will aim to update Saturday or Sunday as I am really busy during the week :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**As usual absolutely massive thank you to everyone who has left a review. I felt such support after the bit of backlash from the last few chapters. A few little replies to guests first:**

**Firstly, to the guest who asked if they could translate my fic the answer is YES I would be honoured as long as credit is given where due I am perfectly fine with that.**

**Secondly to Christie, your questions will be answered at some point in the future :)**

**Massive belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to thechosenswan. Hope you had a good day. **

**And a big thank you to Darley1101.**

**All those done, now onto the chapter. I had a bit of writer's block so trying to keep going. I hope to update again by Thursday, as I am really busy this week and I will try not to keep you waiting because you are all so wonderful. **

With Regina sleeping deeply, Whale called everyone back into the waiting room for a meeting.

'So is she okay now?' Henry asked his grandfather, who sighed in response.

'I don't know Henry,' Gold answered honestly. 'I believe that the methods I used must have helped in some way, but it wasn't exactly what I was expecting.'

'Is it a bad thing?' Robin inquired tentatively.

'I couldn't say,' breathed Gold, 'but it seems to have worked. Her magic was broken, torn almost and I wouldn't trust it. I can use small doses of my own to try and keep it going, and hopefully it will repair itself enough to sustain the healing process.'

'Hopefully?' Mary Margaret said quietly, picking up on the ambiguous word.

'That's the best I can offer dearie.'

'I think everyone should go home and get some rest,' Whale suggested. 'Regina will most likely be out of it for the rest of the day.'

'No,' Henry protested at once, 'I want to stay with her.'

'Henry, you have to listen to reason,' Emma urged him, taking his hand. 'You heard what Whale said. Regina is just going to sleep; you don't have to be here for that.'

'I do,' he insisted.

'She's going to need you when she wakes up Henry,' Mary Margaret reminded him. Henry looked up at Emma, biting his lip in a way so similar to how Regina did when she was scared or nervous.

'I don't want her to be alone,' he mumbled, so that only she could hear. Emma nodded in understanding.

'I'll stay here,' she offered.

'Emma-,' Mary Margaret tried, but her daughter held a hand up to stop her.

'You and David need to get home to Neal, and you can make sure Henry gets some sleep.'

'I want to stay,' Robin spoke up, but Emma shook her head.

'You look like hell Robin,' she observed, noticing the dark circles beneath his eyes. 'When did you last get some sleep?'

'I couldn't sleep now if I wanted to,' he sighed. 'I want to stay.'

'At least go and get some decent coffee from Granny's,' Emma bargained. 'The fresh air might clear your head and you can bring me a muffin as well.'

'Fine,' he mumbled.

'You'll call if anything happens?' Henry asked as he hugged Emma goodbye, a little tighter than usual.

'Of course, I'll make sure everyone knows,' she promised, kissing his forehead. Emma looked up at her parents. 'Make sure he eats something and gets at least a few hours.'

'We will,' Mary Margaret smiled uneasily, hugging her daughter before leading Henry out followed by her husband and Mr. Gold.

'I haven't got my phone,' Robin remembered as he stood to follow the Charmings.

'Yeah, I know,' Emma muttered.

'You know?'

Emma sighed.

'I spoke to Marian when I was looking for you,' she admitted, not quite able to meet his gaze. 'She has it.'

'Why would she…' His voice trailed off as realisation slowly dawned.

'I think you need to speak to her about it.'

'Don't worry,' he grumbled, 'I will be.'

Xxx

Robin was glad that the walk to the woods from the hospital was a reasonable way. The morning sunshine and cool air were refreshing after a night spent waiting in a single room. It was an opportunity to stretch his legs, and to calm the anger that was bubbling beneath his calm exterior.

He wanted to know why Marian had his phone, and although there were a number of reasonable explanations only one seemed possible in his mind. Had he confronted her the minute he left the waiting room he knew that he would have shouted, said things he didn't mean and ended up doing more damage than was necessary. Yes, he had definitely needed the walk.

As his boots crunched against the woodland floor, Robin's only thoughts were for Regina. He knew the woman behind the mask, so much more vulnerable than the person the rest of the world saw. He had seen her as the Evil Queen, and as Regina, and he knew which one was real.

Xxx

_'Your Majesty,' Robin said as he gently approached the queen in her garden, 'are you alright?'_

_'I'm fine,' she answered shortly, refusing to look at him. _

_'Well it's two o'clock in the morning and while the rest of the castle sleeps, I find you sitting beneath an apple tree. I don't know about you, but that isn't my definition of fine.'_

_Robin approached her reluctantly, somewhat intimidated by the black leather and feather trim coat she wore even when in private. It was known throughout the castle that the queen was not to be disturbed. She was rarely seen, only for important meetings of the council, and this was the first time he had seen her since their quest to rid the castle of her wicked sister._

_'What are you doing out here so late, thief?' she snapped, though Robin noticed it lacked some of her usual zeal._

_'I'm doing my job, patrolling the grounds.'_

_'Well you've covered this bit,' she mumbled, still looking away from him, 'it's quite a big castle. You should get going.'_

_'Maybe I don't want to.'_

_Regina sighed audibly, reaching a hand to her forehead. _

_'Please,' she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper._

_'Is this about your son?' asked Robin, and he noticed her visibly tense._

_'You don't know anything about that.'_

_'No,' he admitted, 'but I can see that it's hurting you. I'm a good listener.'_

_'Why would I talk to you?'_

_'Because I'm here,' he reminded her gently, sitting beside her at the base of the tree._

_Reaching out he touched her arm lightly, and was surprised when she didn't pull away. Regina turned to face him, and Robin saw the face not of an evil sorceress but a broken woman. Her make-up was smudged where she had been crying, and her eyes held no anger, only pain._

_'It's his birthday,' she whispered, her lower lip trembling._

_Robin reached his hand up and wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. Their faces were inches apart and he wanted nothing more than to close the gap between them, but he knew that was not what she needed. He put his arms around her and held her as she cried, wondering how he seemed to be the only one who could see her for who she was._

Xxx

'Marian?' he called as he entered the camp. Most of the Merry Men were off working, and the place was quiet.

'Dada!'

Robin couldn't help but smile when he saw his son bounding towards him. He picked him up, swinging him round before holding him on his hip.

'Where you been Dada?'

'I've been with Regina,' he said honestly.

'Is Gina at the hospital?' Roland asked, his face a picture of concern. 'Mama said you had to go to the hospital. Was it for Gina?'

Robin sighed, nodding slowly.

'Yes, it was for her.'

'Is she okay?' Roland mumbled, his eyes filling with tears.

'She's going to be fine,' Robin assured him, forcing a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

'Can we go visit her?'

'She needs to rest for a while, but when she's better I'm sure she would love to see you.'

'Robin?'

He looked up to see Marian eyeing him nervously, playing with a loose thread on her cloak.

'Roland, can you give me and your mother a moment to talk?'

'Yep!' he answered brightly, giving his father a winning smile.

'Just stay by that tree over there,' Robin told him, pointing to an oak just beyond where Marian was standing.

'I can do that,' grinned Roland, giving his father a quick kiss on the cheek before allowing himself to be put to the floor.

Marian ruffled his hair as he passed her. She watched him go to sit beneath the tree, humming to himself as he picked at the plants around the base. Taking a deep breath, she walked towards Robin so that Roland wouldn't hear the argument she knew was coming.

'Emma…Emma told you what happened?'

Marian nodded, her eyes filling with tears. 'I'm so sorry Robin.'

He made no acknowledgement of her apology, refusing to meet her eyes.

'Is…is she okay?'

'No,' he answered quietly. 'She almost died, Marian.'

Robin looked up at her, and asked a question out of curiosity rather than anger.

'Would that have made you happy? If she had died?'

Marian almost choked on the gasp that came from his accusation.

'N-no,' she stuttered, 'no I…no, Robin, I never wanted…I was just afraid. I didn't want her to take you away from me. But I would never wish her harm. And no-one…no-one deserves to lose a child.'

He nodded slowly, her words slowly sinking in.

'Please,' she begged, taking his hand and feeling her heart break as he pulled away from her. 'Please look at me.'

Their eyes finally met, swimming brown and steely blue, and she saw…nothing. When he had looked at her before there had always been emotion there. In the past few weeks it had been more affection than love, but still she could see how he felt about her in his eyes. Now Marian could see only emptiness, and she knew that it was no-one's fault but her own.

'Why,' he whispered, shaking his head. 'Why did you take it?'

'I don't know,' she answered honestly. 'I knew you had been to see her again, and you wouldn't talk to me…I saw that she had sent you a message and I panicked, I'm sorry.'

'When?'

'S-Sunday,' she stammered, tears spilling down her cheeks, 'before you l-left.'

'What gave you the right?' Robin asked, anger creeping into his previously calm tone. 'Do you decide who I get to speak to now?'

'No,' Marian wept, 'I'm sorry I wasn't thinking. I know it was stupid-'

'Stupid?' he hissed through gritted teeth. 'Regina was dying, Marian. She had lost our child and she was dying and I wasn't there; I didn't even know. Emma had to find me and tell me she was asking for me, but I didn't get there in time to see her before she went into surgery. She thought I had abandoned her, that I didn't care, all because of you.'

A thought crossed his mind and he closed his eyes, his heart sinking in his chest.

'Did she call me?'

'Wh-what?'

'Before this…before she went to hospital, did she call?'

Marian bit her lip, her heart thundering against her ribs as she nodded slowly.

'When?' he snarled, trying his hardest not to shout in front of their son.

'M-Monday morning,' she mumbled.

Robin turned away, running his fingers through his hair.

'I'm sorry,' Marian breathed, wrapping her arms around herself as guilt threatened to tear her apart. 'I wish there were more I could say. I know what I did was childish, pathetic, and it had consequences I could never have foreseen. I wish it hadn't happened but it did. I don't expect you to forgive me-'

'Good,' Robin cut her off, 'because I don't know if I can. Do you have it?'

Marian reached into her pocket and pulled out his phone, which he took from her trembling hand.

'Roland can stay with you; I have to go back to the hospital.'

'Thank you,' she sniffed, wiping at her eyes.

'I'm not doing it for you,' Robin said honestly. 'Roland can't see Regina as she is, and I have to stay with her.'

Marian nodded slowly in understanding. She caught Robin's eyes again, and saw that his anger had receded to a gentle sadness which hurt her all the more.

'You're not the person I thought you were,' he whispered coldly, wondering where the innocent young maid had gone who had made him laugh and stolen his heart.

Robin walked past her, leaving her sobbing quietly and went to where Roland was sitting, crouching to his level.

'Hey Roland,' he said softly, 'I have to go and see Regina now, but I'll be back soon okay?'

'I picked these for her,' Roland told him, holding up a fistful of wildflowers. 'They'll make her better, right?'

'I'm sure they will,' Robin smiled, a little warmth touching his breaking heart. 'I love you, son.'

'Love you too.'

He hugged Roland tightly, not wanting to let go but knowing that he had to.

As he walked towards the centre of town, he didn't look back at his wife.

Xxx

Granny's was silent as Robin went up to the counter, not a soul in sight despite the fact that by now it was almost lunchtime.

'How is she?' Granny asked, genuine concern apparent in her expression as she took his order.

'Not good,' he answered honestly, 'but so far she's pulled through.'

'Was it that serious?'

Robin nodded slowly, taking the cup of fresh coffee and relishing the burn of it sliding down his throat.

'Poor Henry,' Ruby sighed, joining her grandmother, 'he must be pretty shaken up. Regina always seemed like such a battle-axe, you know? Like nothing could ever hurt her because she was just…Regina.'

'She's as human as the rest of us,' Granny acknowledged sadly. 'You need anything, anything at all, you let us know.'

'Thanks,' Robin smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes and he took his coffee to a booth in the corner.

He retrieved his phone from his pocket and took a deep, shuddering breath. Part of him knew that whatever he saw or heard, it wouldn't change anything and it certainly wouldn't help Regina. But there was a part of him that knew he had to look. He wouldn't be able to rest easily until he knew the truth.

Looking through his messages, he saw the offending words that had caused Marian to snatch the phone away from him.

**_Robin,_**

**_I need to see you. There's something that I have to tell you, something important, and I feel it wouldn't be right if I didn't say it in person. I'm sorry for what I said at the diner. I'm sorry for everything. _**

**_Call me and we can arrange a time._**

Regina had been waiting for him to call her, and the thought that he had kept her waiting was almost as painful as knowing she had been meaning to tell him. She had planned to reveal to him that he was going to be a father to her child, and his heart ached with the knowledge that she had never managed to say those words.

She had said she was sorry, and Robin wondered what on Earth she could ever be sorry for. But it was clear to him that when she had told him to go that she hadn't meant it, not truthfully. In another universe, he would have called her back. They would have met, somewhere, and she would have told him the truth and he would have returned the favour as he confessed his feelings. In that universe, they had a chance to be happy. In this one, though, all that had been torn away.

Robin was struggling to comprehend the many meanings of the text when he realised that he had a voicemail message. Regina had tried to call him, early on Monday morning. He played the message and his heart stopped when he heard her voice in his ear as if she were sat beside him.

**_'Robin please…I know that I said I couldn't see you, but I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it. I was just scared when you told me you cared about me and I…I suppose I panicked. I need you, Robin. I really need you. I don't want to have to pretend that I'm strong anymore, because I'm not. And I'm so scared.'_**

Robin threw the phone on the table and his head fell into his hands, tears falling from his eyes. He could hear the raw vulnerability in her voice; she had known that something was wrong by then, and she had reached out to him when she was scared. But he hadn't been there. He hadn't been there when she needed him. And no matter what he did, he knew that he could never make up for that.

'Robin?'

He looked up to see Tinker Bell slipping into the booth to sit opposite him.

'What do you want?'

'I just came in for a coffee and Granny told me that something happened to Regina,' she breathed, praying that it wasn't true. The look on Robin's face was enough to confirm her worst fears.

'No…no she can't have…' Tink stuttered, her eyes widening. 'Tell me I'm jumping to conclusions Robin please.'

'I wish I could,' Robin choked, his face crumpling. 'She…she lost the baby.'

Tinker Bell felt her heart breaking within her chest and marvelled at how much it hurt. After everything Regina had been through, this was not how it was supposed to end. This wasn't meant to happen. It felt as if the fate of these two people once so beautifully aligned had become distorted, twisted beyond recognition and leaving havoc in its wake. They should have been happy.

'I'm so sorry,' the fairy whispered, shaking her head in disbelief. 'How is she?'

'Not good,' he answered bluntly. 'Something went wrong. I don't really understand the details of it but she needed surgery and went into some sort of shock, I don't know. She almost didn't make it, and wouldn't have if it weren't for Rumpelstiltskin. I thought…I thought I was going to have to watch her die.'

The last few words hardly made it from his lips before he broke, the weight of what had happened finally bringing him crashing down. Tink moved next to him and put her arm around his shoulders, saying nothing as nothing needed to be said.

'Regina told me that we were soul mates, the day Marian came back' Robin mumbled, when he had finally calmed. 'I should have listened to her.'

'It was your wife, the mother of your child. It's no wonder you were a little overwhelmed.'

'I knew in my heart that it was true, but I let everything else cloud my judgement. I don't love Marian, not in the way that I used to. I've finally admitted it to myself and to her, though I suspect she has known for some time…but it's too late.'

'It's never too late,' Tink assured him. 'You and Regina are meant to be together, but more than that you deserve to be. It's not about fate anymore it's about how you feel; you do love her, don't you?'

'More than anything,' Robin answered at once.

'Then that's all you need. You and I both know that Regina is not as strong as she likes everyone to think. Just be there for her. Don't waste time here dwelling on what you should have done.'

'You're right,' he sighed, lifting his head and wiping his bloodshot eyes. He drank the rest of his coffee in a single gulp and stood.

'Do you mind if I come with you?' asked Tink. 'I just…I need to see that she's okay, or okay as she can be.'

'Of course, but while I remember…'

Robin went up to the counter and ordered a coffee and muffin to go.

Xxx

_'Robin,' Regina cried, hoping that her voice would carry through the house, 'Robin come quickly!'_

_Almost at once she heard the sound of his footsteps thundering down the stairs and he burst through the door into the living room._

_'What, what is it? Are you okay?'_

_'I'm fine,' Regina chuckled beckoning him to come over, 'but look, look what she can do.'_

_Robin breathed a sigh of relief. She could see that he was ready to scold her for scaring him, but as he walked over to the bassinet any residual grudge he held melted away and a fond smile captured his features. _

_Rose giggled happily, holding one chubby fist in the air. Her hair was as dark as her mother's, though her eyes were a piercing blue and they glistened when she laughed. The small teddy which always slept beside her was floating in mid-air, dancing above the cradle at the little girl's command. The bear glowed with a soft white aura – light magic. Regina smiled, her chest feeling tight as it threatened to burst with pride. _

_'That's amazing,' Robin breathed, watching in awe. He stood behind Regina, wrapping his arms around her middle to hold her close and resting his chin on her shoulder._

_'She's perfect,' whispered Regina, tears pooling in her eyes. She reached out and stroked her daughter's cheek gently, smiling as the baby leaned into her touch._

_'She's not the only one,' Robin said, the heat of his breath tingling against the nape of her neck. His lips were soft against her skin, and she closed her eyes allowing the blissful sensation to wash over her. She had never felt so happy, so complete. _

_And in an instant it was gone. _

_The pain ripped through her abdomen, causing her to cry out and double over. She reached out to grasp the bassinet, preventing herself from crumbling to the floor, and Robin's hand fell away from their hold around her torso._

_'Robin,' she gasped, 'please…help me…'_

_No response. _

_She forced her eyes open and looked around, but Robin was nowhere to be seen. Panicking she turned back to the cradle. Empty. Regina put her hands where her daughter had been and felt no warmth, no trace of her child, and her heart pummelled against her chest. The only remnant was a small teddy bear staring at her with blank, unfeeling eyes._

_'ROBIN' she screamed, another flash of agony bringing her down to her knees on the hard wooden floor. She sobbed openly, tears running down her cheeks as she called for him desperately. They were gone. Regina could feel the emptiness they had left behind with every beat of her heart, and it was dragging her down…down…_

Xxx

Emma was sat on a chair by Regina's bedside, flicking through a magazine she had found in the waiting room but not seeing any of the pictures. She threw it aside with a sigh, and looked over at the mayor. She shook her head. She had promised Henry that she wouldn't allow to Regina to be alone, but she hadn't realised that it would be this difficult.

At first she had tried to talk to her, but the words hadn't found their way to her lips. What was there to say anyway; sorry didn't even begin to cover it. Emma had tried to occupy her mind with other things but mostly she just found herself watching the brunette, keeping guard as she had said she would until their son returned and making sure her chest continued to rise and fall as it should.

Her head snapped up when she heard Regina begin to whimper in her sleep, softly at first though it quickly grew louder and more panicked. Emma leapt to her feet but found herself frozen, paralysed as she watched the older woman begin to move and thrash against an invisible enemy.

'Regina,' she shouted, trying to wake her up though it came to no avail. The monitors started beeping wildly and Emma's body finally caught up with her mind, leading her to run from the room and down the corridor to Doctor Whale's office.

She opened the door without knocking and didn't need to say anything before Whale was on his feet and marching back towards Regina. Emma followed, but he stopped her from re-entering the room forcing her to wait outside.

Xxx

'Regina'

She heard someone calling her voice through the fog, and tried to reach out to it. There was pain, so much pain that it was a struggle to prevent her mind from slipping back into the darkened abyss. But knowing that would mean giving into the nightmares gave her the strength to push that little bit further and finally open her eyes.

The world came rushing back to her, and she found at once that the lights were far too bright. Regina brought a hand up to shield her eyes as she blinked, trying to readjust, but even the effort of lifting her arm was one she could not sustain for more than a few moments.

'Regina,' Whale repeated. He was relieved when she finally acknowledged his presence by turning her head to meet his eyes. 'I'm going to move the bed so that you can sit up, okay?'

She ran her tongue of her cracked lips but said nothing in response. The doctor pressed a button on the side of the bed to slowly lift the half on which Regina's upper body was lying so that she could see better without needing to crane her neck.

'There, is that better?'

Regina scowled at him, and tried to say something but she found that her throat was too dry. Doctor Whale turned to one of the nurses and asked for some ice chips and water. He waited until she had returned before sending her away and drawing a curtain around Regina's bed to give her some privacy.

'There was a tube in your throat to help you breathe,' he explained, 'so it might be difficult to talk for a while; the ice chips should help.'

Regina nodded almost imperceptibly and her trembling hand accepted a small cup. She took one of the chips and placed it in her mouth, feeling the soothing harshness of the cold water running down her throat.

'Do you know where you are?' Whale asked, once she had calmed down and her vital signs had returned to a plateau.

'It's rather obvious,' Regina mumbled.

'And do you remember-'

'Yes,' she interrupted him quickly, lowering her eyes to where her hands were clasped around the cup in her lap. It was taking every ounce of energy she had to suppress the fire that was threatening to tear her apart.

Doctor Whale felt his heart sinking a little as he watched her. He had seen broken people before, it was a given in his line of work, but to see someone so completely destroyed and yet still trying to hold on to some shred of self-respect was tragic. In the past he had held grudges against the brunette, ones that he wasn't sure he would ever truly let go, but this wasn't the woman who had cursed entire realms. Whale knew that she did not deserve this fate; no-one did.

He took a deep breath. 'I'm really sorry Regina.'

She looked up at him, her lip curling into a snarl as unshed tears glistened in her eyes.

'Don't,' she warned him, her tone as sharp as the Evil Queen's had once been.

'We have to talk about what happened,' he told her honestly.

'No,' she insisted stubbornly. 'I don't need to talk; I need to get out of here.'

'Regina, you've been through major surgery. We had to-'

'I don't care, I just want to leave,' she snapped. Her entire body was throbbing, and when a shot of pain crossed her abdomen she couldn't hide the grimace that ghosted across her face; her body betrayed her.

'May I?' Whale asked, motioning towards her. Regina let out a heavy sigh, but did not object as he moved closer and gently lifted her hospital gown to reveal the long dressing which covered the width of her body. It was spotted with flecks of deep red, and as Regina looked down at herself she felt the pain that no medication could fix squeezing her heart and threatening to crush it to dust. Seeing the physical evidence made it all too real. It made her feel sick.

'I think you may have pulled at the stitches when you were dreaming, but it all seems to be okay. I'll get a nurse to come and change the dressing,' he explained, covering her stomach again. Whale looked up at Regina, who was staring vacantly at nothing in particular. If it were possible, he would have said she had lost whatever colour she had managed to cling onto and her skin was now a sickly grey.

'Regina?'

She didn't even blink in acknowledgement.

'I can give you some morphine for the pain, and then a sedative to help you sleep-'

'No,' she muttered, stopping him in his tracks.

'What?'

'I don't want morphine,' she repeated quietly, still looking off into the distance.

'Why?'

'Do I need to give you a reason?'

'N-no,' Whale stuttered, 'b-but-'

'Then just do it,' she retorted bluntly.

'Fine,' he gave in, exhaling slowly, 'but I'm setting up a PCA machine. It'll give you something for the pain only if you press a button; I can't just leave you with nothing. Is that agreed?'

Regina closed her eyes for a moment, concentrating on her breathing and trying to will away the tirade of emotions battling to take control. When she finally looked at Whale, he could see the hurt in her eyes as surely as he could see their colour.

'Thank you for bringing me back,' Regina said, though her voice remained flat and almost mechanical as if her words were not her own.

'I could only do so much; it was Gold who kept you with us. You would have died if it wasn't for him.'

Regina's brow wrinkled for a moment, but she seemed to accept what he was saying.

'Henry,' she croaked, cursing her ragged throat, 'is he okay?'

'He was here all night,' the doctor told her honestly, 'but he's gone home to get some rest. He's worried about you though, everyone is.'

'Everyone?'

'The Charmings, Emma and Robin were all here too,' Whale went on, and he noticed her tense at the sound of the outlaw's name.

'I doubt they would worry if I was dead,' she whispered sombrely, surprised by the darkness of her thoughts.

'Regina,' he gasped, wondering what on Earth would elicit such a belief, 'they were all worried sick about you. Emma's still here, waiting for news until the others get back. They care, Regina, they really do.'

'I'm tired,' she said, cutting him off to avoid continuing the line of conversation.

'Yes, it might be best if you get some rest. Henry will want to see you when he comes back.'

'No,' Regina shook her head.

'Regina, he's been desperate. He just wants to know if you're okay.'

'No-one comes in here unless I say so,' she ordered vehemently. 'And keep the curtain closed.'

Before Whale could respond, Regina had turned onto her side away from him. The way she was acting unsettled him, one minute distant and the next so angry. He was unsure as to why after everything she would push Henry away, but when he had looked into her eyes he had seen a broken woman poorly veiled behind a mask of strength she no longer had. Now wasn't the time to question her, not when everything was so raw. So he nodded slowly and left her to her thoughts.

Once Regina heard the doctor leave her in peace, she let out a deep shuddering breath and the tears she had refused to shed finally broke free to caress her cheeks. One hand hovered over her abdomen, tracing the borders of the bandage through the flimsy gown and the other was tangled in her hair. She was exhausted, but she would not sleep. The physical pain was nothing compared to the ache in her heart, so strong that it stole the breath from her lungs and choked her. Not even the thought of Henry could bring her out of the darkness which seemed to have swallowed her, and that only made her feel worse; he should have been enough.

In that moment, she wished that Gold hadn't bothered to save her. She wondered if there was anything left to save.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it and as always reviews are appreciated :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry for the slight delay. Technically in the US it is still Thursday, but I am making poor excuses.**

**Thanks as always to every single person who has read, favourited and reviewed. You all keep me going and I love every single one of you!**

**I had to split a larger chapter to create this one, so this is what one might call the calm before the storm. **

**Aim to update Sunday/Monday if all goes to plan.**

* * *

Robin and Tinker Bell were shown into the waiting room where Emma was waiting for him. He saw that she was distressed, her eyes red where she couldn't hide the fact that she had been crying, and he felt his heart pounding in his chest.

'Did something happen?'

'I don't know,' Emma shook her head. 'She just started crying out and thrashing and I didn't know what to do.'

'I thought Whale said she was going to be asleep all day?' Robin asked.

Emma shrugged staring at the floor. 'Apparently not.'

'You can feel the magic in here,' Tink said uneasily, taking a seat beside Emma as Robin paced before them. 'It feels…off.'

Robin's brow wrinkled. 'In what way?'

'There's residual energy, the kind that lingers after a powerful spell, and it's dark…'

'I thought Regina had light magic?' Emma cut in.

'She does,' the fairy agreed, 'and although I believe she has the ability to yield both kinds, this doesn't feel like her.'

'Maybe it's to do with whatever Gold did to bring her back,' suggested Emma.

'Maybe,' she mumbled in reply, chewing her lip as she thought.

When Doctor Whale came into the room the conversation was forgotten, and Emma and Tink both stood up and turned to him expectantly.

'She's okay,' Whale assured them quickly, 'she was just dreaming.'

'It looked pretty rough,' Emma added.

'I imagine she has a lot of bad memories that may manifest when she sleeps.'

'Is she awake?' asked Robin, not even trying to hide the desperation in his tone.

'Yes,' Whale answered quietly.

'Can we see her?'

'No,' the doctor told Robin gently, preparing for the backlash.

'Why not?' shouted the outlaw, causing Doctor Whale to flinch at the sudden volume.

'I…I don't think it would be best…'

'You can't keep me away from her. I've waited too long to say what needs to be said and I will not have you pushing me back like everyone else has,' thundered Robin.

'She doesn't want to see you,' Whale said, interrupting the tirade. He had hoped that it wouldn't come to this, to the truth, but there was no other way of keeping him from marching in and he knew that Regina couldn't cope with that right now.

'What?'

Robin's face fell, and he felt as if an arrow had pierced his chest.

'Not just you,' the doctor explained with a sigh, 'she doesn't want to see anyone.'

'But what about Henry?' Emma queried.

'She was quite specific in that regard.'

'That's not her,' Emma said shaking her head, 'she wouldn't do that to him. It'll kill the kid if he can't see her; he's desperate to make sure that she's okay. What is it that you aren't telling us?'

'I…none of you are her family, so I cannot disclose every detail,' Whale explained, 'but I don't think she is in the right frame of mind. As you can understand she has been through an awful lot, and Regina is not quite herself.'

'What does that mean?' breathed Tinker Bell.

'It means that physically she is doing as well as can be expected, but she isn't thinking straight.'

'I suppose I can understand,' Emma sighed, 'but how am I going to explain this to Henry?'

'I will try my best to persuade her to rethink this situation, but I'm not sure that she will listen to me. I agree that it would be better for her to let people in than to allow herself to become more isolated, but I have to respect her wishes.'

'Well I'm staying,' Robin insisted, taking a seat and folding his arms.

'Maybe you should just go home,' Tink suggested. 'Waiting here won't do any good.'

'She is my home,' he answered simply. 'I will sit here for as long as it takes. She needs me here, even if she won't let me in. Besides, I have nowhere else to go.'

He opened his bag and carefully pulled out the bunch of wildflowers Roland had given him. He had been as gentle as he could, but they were still looking a little limp when he took them in his hand.

'Allow me,' Tinker Bell offered gently, touching the vial of pixie dust she kept around her neck with one hand and waving the other over the flowers which instantly perked up to their freshly picked state.

'Thank you,' he smiled weakly. 'I made a promise to my son that they would be delivered, and I won't let him down.'

'Do you want me to stay with you?' Emma asked, but the former thief shook his head.

'You need to go and take care of Henry, and I think I'd like some time alone if you both don't mind.'

'Not at all.' Tink reached down and put a hand on his shoulder. 'I'll go and speak to the other fairies see if there's anything we can do to help.'

'Call if you need us,' Emma offered, before turning to Whale. 'Anything happens, anything at all-'

'You'll be the first to know,' he finished with a weak smile.

Emma looked back at Robin, as his head fell into his hands. She hated leaving him on his own, but she had Henry to think of and he would need her when he found out what was going on. Regina was safe, she was alive and she was awake, but somehow Emma did not feel reassured. She could only imagine what was going through her former adversary's mind, and every time she did her blood ran cold.

Xxx

_'Mommy, look!' The little girl cried, and Regina came into the living room from the kitchen brushing her flour-covered hands on her apron. Rose looked up at her, her blue eyes sparkling as she waited for her mother's approval. She was almost five years old, with dark hair running down her back almost reaching the hem of her skirt. _

_Rose stood in the middle of the room, small flakes of snow falling from the white cloud that hovered over her. Regina chuckled fondly, leaning against the doorframe as she watched her daughter._

_'That's beautiful sweetheart,' she smiled, 'you're a proper little snow queen. What else can you do?' _

_Rose thought for a moment, before turning to the crackling fire. She held out her hand, palm facing up, and blew across it producing a white cloud which froze the flames in place. _

_Regina clapped and Rose gave a small curtsy, beaming with pride._

_'Now you,' Rose asked, her eyes lighting up; as much as she loved using magic, watching her mother casting was entrancing. Regina obligingly vanished in a puff of purple smoke, reappearing behind her daughter and lifting her in the air as she squealed happily. _

_'Will you show me how to do that Mama?'_

_'Of course,' Regina promised, settling the girl on her hip and kissing her nose. 'Now I love the snow dear, but do you think it might be getting a bit chilly in here?'_

_'I don't know how to make it stop,' Rose said, biting her lip anxiously._

_'That's okay,' Regina reassured her, tilting Rose's chin up to meet her eyes and giving her a warm smile. 'You are a very powerful little girl, and very clever. When I was your age I couldn't use my magic at all.'_

_'Really?'_

_'Really,' she promised. 'I didn't start learning magic until I was nineteen, and I wasn't very good to begin with.'_

_'I don't believe you,' Rose questioned._

_'Cross my heart.'_

_The little girl eyed her closely, and when she was sure that her mother was telling the truth she relaxed._

_'But you can teach me, can't you Mama? You can help me control it.'_

_'I can't think of anything I would rather do,' Regina smiled, rubbing her nose with Rose's in an Eskimo kiss and making her giggle. She waved her free hand, and the cloud above them slowly disappeared along with the snow beneath them. _

_Regina conjured a fireball in her hand and looked at her daughter who was watching her with awe._

_'Take it,' she whispered, holding the fireball in her hand before them._

_'I…I don't know how,' Rose admitted nervously._

_'You know how to take objects from me using magic,' Regina reminded her gently, 'this is much the same, and as long as you don't fear it then it cannot hurt you. Take control. I won't let anything happen, I promise; do you trust me?'_

_'I trust you,' Rose said at once. She held out her hand and set her expression in concentration, trying to channel her magic and take the fire from her mother. The first few times she tried it didn't work, and she let out a sigh of frustration._

_'Relax, sweetie, you can do this,' Regina encouraged her. Rose tried again, and this time managed to pull a small amount of the fire away from the main source and take control of it. Her face split into a massive grin._

_'I did it!'_

_'I told you that you could,' Regina said, vanquishing her own flames and wrapping both arms around her daughter to keep her on her hip. 'Now, if you concentrate very hard, then you can use it. Aim it at the flames you froze and they will come back to life.'_

_Rose took a deep breath and threw the fire towards the fireplace. Regina flicked her fingers ever so slightly to keep it on track, and Rose cried out in triumph when the fireplace roared back to life. She wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and they embraced._

_When Rose pulled back, Regina saw her face fall._

_'What's wrong sweetheart?'_

_'Mama…why are you crying?'_

_'What?' _

_Rose brought a little hand up to her face and brushed away a tear from her cheek, one Regina hadn't realised she had shed._

_'I…I don't…'_

_'It's okay Mama,' Rose reassured her, though now there were tears in her own eyes, 'it wasn't your fault.'_

Xxx

Regina woke with a start, cursing herself for having allowed her eyes to close. She had tried for so long to stay awake, but the weight of her exhaustion had finally won over her determination. Rolling onto her back was painful but necessary, and for a while she simply stared at the light hovering over her bed catching her breath.

'Regina?'

She turned her head to see a nurse entering through a gap in the curtain, and sighed. Although she wanted to tell the young woman that she wished to be left alone, her voice wouldn't come. Regina looked at the water on her bedside table and went to reach for it, but found with frustration that the movement was beyond her.

The nurse saw what she was trying to do and moved swiftly, pouring a cup from the jug and handing it to Regina who accepted it begrudgingly. Taking a small sip, she could feel her throat begin to calm.

'I'm Nurse Merriweather,' the woman said gently. 'I've been asked to change your dressing, is that okay?'

'I suppose,' Regina mumbled, putting her head back against the pillow and staring off into the distance.

The nurse lifted her gown and began to remove the bandages, and although Regina was trying to block the rest of the world out the stinging pain kept bringing her back against her will. Despite every instinct telling her not to, she looked down at the scar that extended across her abdomen and bit back a cry. The skin was angry and red around where the stitches were sewn, and a little blood had seeped from the wound.

Nurse Merriweather gently dabbed away the blood, and Regina could no longer prevent her pain from becoming vocal as she whimpered.

'I'm sorry,' the nurse whispered, putting the bloody cloth to a side and taking another dressing from the tray.

'Don't be,' Regina muttered, her eyes fixed on the scar that seemed to smile cruelly up at her. _It's not your fault_, her daughter had told her in the dream. But it was. This was all her fault.

'Ms. Mills?'

'I'm fine,' she insisted, but her breathing was shallow and tears were pooling in her eyes.

'Regina,' Nurse Merriweather whispered, putting a hand on the brunette's arm Regina pulled away at once, grimacing as the burning agony shot across her abdomen. 'It's okay, you just need to relax.'

'Just do what you must and leave,' Regina snapped, though her voice was trembling dangerously. She looked up at the ceiling and was relieved when she finally felt the bandage covering the ugly reminder of everything she had lost.

The nurse said something to her but she was no longer listening. Her heart was pounding in her ears so loudly that her words didn't register. When she finally left, Regina allowed the tears to fall. She looked across at the button Whale had given her to deliver painkillers if she needed them, but she refused to give in. The pain kept her awake, and in a way she felt as if she deserved it.

Xxx

Emma opened the door to her apartment and found Mary Margaret sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.

'Hey,' she sighed, shutting the door behind her.

'How is everything?' Mary Margaret asked, getting up to pour her daughter a drink.

'Not the best,' Emma said honestly, 'where is everyone?'

'I sent David home with the baby I was going to swap over in a few hours if I didn't hear from you. Henry's in his room, but he woke up half an hour or so ago. He had some cereal after I badgered him but he just wants to go and see Regina.'

'That might be a problem,' Emma muttered, but before Mary Margaret could open her mouth to ask why Henry came running down the stairs.

'Mom? Is everything okay?'

Emma forced a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and went over to him, finding herself almost at eye level with her son.

'Your Mom is…she woke up again about an hour ago.'

Henry's face fell. 'I should have been there. I promised her I'd be there.'

'It's not your fault kid, she was supposed to be asleep,' Emma reassured him.

'We have to go,' he insisted, turning to leave. Emma grabbed his wrist gently and pulled him back to look at her.

'I'm sorry Henry, but we can't.'

'Why not?'

His lower lip was trembling and Emma felt her heart shattering inside her chest.

'Regina…she needs some time to adjust to everything,' she tried to explain.

'What do you mean?'

'She's been through a lot, you know? And she's trying to come to terms with it.'

Henry frowned at her. 'But that's why I need to talk to her, to make sure she's okay. She shouldn't be on her own.'

'I know, but-'

'Is it Doctor Whale?' he interrupted her. 'Because he has no right to say that; I'm her next of kin I should be able to see her.'

'No, it wasn't him,' Emma mumbled, not quite meeting his eyes.

'Then what is it?'

Taking a deep breath, Emma decided that there was no more skirting around the facts; she had to tell him the truth.

'Your Mom said that she isn't ready to see anyone just now, and I'm sorry Henry but that includes you.'

Henry was silent for a moment, staring in disbelief as he tried to take in what Emma was telling him.

'She…she doesn't want to see me?' he whispered, unable to keep the tears from his eyes.

'No, it's not like that,' Emma stumbled over her words, trying to clarify it as best she could. 'I think she's not up to talking to people yet. When you go through something like this, people tend to be kind and sympathetic which is good…but sometimes you just don't want to hear it. People being kind doesn't help take the pain away, and you just need to be on your own for a little while until you learn how to cope with everything. Does that make sense?'

'I suppose,' he mumbled, casting his eyes downward.

'I am sure that she wants to see you Henry, but she's just trying to protect you.'

'I'm sick of being protected,' Henry retorted angrily, 'I was there when Mary Margaret found her. I know what happened so she can't shield me from it. My Mom doesn't do well when she's by herself; she shouldn't be alone right now.'

'I agree with you, I do, and Doctor Whale is going to try and speak to her and bring her round. But for now we just have to sit tight and wait. We can go over and try in the morning if you want. Mr. Gold has to go and see her to help with her magic and she can't turn him away; maybe we can get him to talk to her.'

'Do you think she'll listen to him?' Henry sniffed, trying to keep back his tears.

'He has known your Mom for a very long time. If anyone can persuade her, he can,' Emma assured him with a smile.

'Is anyone at the hospital?' he said after a while.

'Robin stayed,' Emma told him, 'so she's not on her own, not really. We are all going to try and help her Henry I promise. If we wait and go tomorrow morning, maybe she'll have had time to reconsider but for now we should all get some rest.'

Henry nodded, but his eyes were fogged over and distant.

'I'm going to my room,' he mumbled, pulling away from Emma and climbing the stairs almost dejectedly. Emma shook her head and took the cup Mary Margaret had poured for her.

'Why would she say that? She must know how much Henry wants to see her.'

'I know,' Emma exhaled loudly, 'but she's probably all over the place, maybe she just doesn't have the energy to worry about anyone else right now. I can't blame her for that.'

'No of course not,' Mary Margaret said quickly. 'But Henry was right; she shouldn't be alone. It won't help her deal with any of this.'

'You should go back to David and Neal, have a nap or something. I'm going to crash for a few hours if my mind can just do me a favour and shut down for a second,' Emma suggested.

'Will you be okay?' Mary Margaret asked, taking Emma's hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

'Yeah, it's not me we should be worrying about. Henry will be in his room for a while, I think he needs some space. Do you want to meet at Granny's for dinner later? I don't want to just sit in the house and wait.'

'Of course, we'll meet you there,' Mary Margaret said as she stood and kissed her daughter on the cheek.

Xxx

That night Henry had managed only a few hours of fitful sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her lying on the floor, and he heard her breathing his name as she shivered in his arms. It didn't scare him, not after having lived through it, but it unsettled him. Until he saw her again, awake and talking rather than the deathly pale figure who had looked too close to the end, he wouldn't be able to see her any other way.

For the rest of the night he sat on his bed with the book open in front of him, thumbing through the pages. Henry had read every story what felt like a hundred times, but reading them through now he realised how superficial they were. The woman in the drawings wasn't his mother. It wasn't the same person who had tucked him into bed at night, and told him stories of noble knights and princes when he couldn't sleep. He knew what Regina had done in the past, but he still felt that the fairytales were as two dimensional as the pictures beside them.

It was just starting to become light when he made his way downstairs, pouring himself a bowl of cereal and drowning it in milk only to sit at the counter staring at it, pushing the sugar coated pieces around with the back of his spoon.

'You're up early,' Emma yawned, taking a seat next to him.

'Couldn't sleep,' he mumbled.

Emma wasn't sure what to say. Any reassurances she could give him were false, or at least over exaggerated, but she hated to see him so defeated. He didn't deserve the weight of this on his shoulders.

'She's come through a lot kid,' she started, choosing her words carefully. 'Regina might not be herself right now but she's here, right? What happened…it was awful, it really was, and she might be sad for a while but she still has you and Snow and all of us. We'll help her through this.'

'How do we do that, if she won't even see us?' he argued.

'I think she needs to be on her own for a while, until she can start to deal with…with all of this. Losing a child is one of the worst things that can happen to someone, and on top of that she's had major surgery. When she's ready, she will let us in and we will be there.'

Henry dropped his spoon and folded his arms on the counter before resting his chin on top. Emma put an arm around him and he didn't push her away. He knew that everything she was saying was true, but it didn't help. He just wanted his mother back.

Xxx

Regina lifted a hand to her head to massage her aching temple, though it did little to alleviate the throb which had settled there. She had recovered enough strength to keep control of her arms although raising them too high, she had learned, pulled uncomfortably at her tender abdomen.

She hadn't slept. She hadn't even allowed her eyes to close, as she knew that as soon as she did she would be dragged back down into the dreams which plagued her every unconscious moment. Though sitting alone in the artificial light of the ward surrounded only by silence hadn't felt much safer.

With nothing to do but wait, her thoughts were the only thing that kept her company. Cora's voice taunted her:

_Love is weakness, Regina. Look at yourself – pathetic. This is where your love has led you. I hope it was worth it._

She saw the faces of people she had killed, hissing at her that she deserved everything she got for what she had done to them.

But when she heard her father's consciousness echoing in her own mind, Regina feared that she would break entirely.

_I'm sorry my darling, I am, but this was your own doing. Your quest for vengeance has only served to take away the ones you love. I wish I could have helped you Regina. I should have stopped her, all those things she did to you so many years ago…I could have saved you, saved you from becoming your mother._

'Daddy…please…' she mumbled, her eyes welling with tears.

'Regina?'

Her head snapped up and her mask was put firmly back into place as she saw Doctor Whale pulling the curtain closed behind him. He turned to her with a pitying smile that made her stomach roll.

'How are you feeling?'

Regina folded her arms, raising an eyebrow.

'I'm not here to trick you,' he assured her, walking to her side.

'Why don't you say what you have come here to say, rather than asking pointless questions you already know the answer to? It might save us a lot of time.'

Whale brushed off the remark, feeling the pain hidden behind poorly feigned anger.

'You haven't been using the morphine,' he stated, nodding towards the button she had placed on the bedside table to her right.

'I told you I didn't want it.'

'But why?' he asked, unable to comprehend her stubbornness.

'Because I don't,' she snapped. 'If that's all you came to say then you have wasted your breath.'

'Actually I thought that we might have a chance to talk.'

Sighing, Regina closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. The headache was pounding stronger now, almost taking the edge over the pain which cocooned the rest of her body.

'Regina…'

'What?' she spat, lifting her heavy head to shoot him a warning glance.

'We haven't had a chance to discuss your…condition since you woke up yesterday.'

She pursed her lips, feeling a knot beginning to form in her chest. She wasn't ready.

'I'm too tired-'

'Regina, you can't keep putting this off,' Whale said softly. 'It's not just about the psychological implications of what has happened; your body has suffered extensive trauma.'

'I don't care,' she cut him off coldly, dropping her gaze to where her hands lay in her lap.

'You need to understand what you've been through. An ectopic miscarriage-'

'Am I pregnant?'

The question took Whale by surprise, and Regina found herself almost equally as taken aback by her own outburst. Her chest heaved with every shallow breath as she spoke the word that had once meant so much and now felt so empty. She wanted nothing more than to fall apart entirely but she refused to allow herself that weakness.

'No,' he answered quietly.

'Then it doesn't matter,' she told him, her voice trembling with emotion. 'None of it matters.'

A single tear betrayed her, hot and burning with the intensity of her grief, and she turned her head away so that she was staring off at nothing once again.

'Okay,' Whale admitted defeatedly, 'I'll leave it for now Regina, but eventually-'

'I know,' she breathed, cutting him off.

'There's something else.'

Regina closed her eyes as if to brace herself, but she said nothing as she waited to hear what he had to say.

'You have visitors.'

'I've told you-'

'I know,' he acknowledged quickly, 'and I have relayed your request, however there has to be an exception - Rumplestiltskin.'

Regina exhaled loudly, trying not to wince as her headache spiked before returning to its dull throb.

'His magic…well I don't know what he did exactly, but it's the only reason you're still breathing.'

'So?'

She said it as if that meant nothing, and Whale paused for a moment in surprise. It wasn't the way Regina was supposed to be.

'He said that he had to continue to see you, to help you heal.'

'Or I'll die?'

'Yes,' the doctor confirmed, worried by how little the prospect seemed to faze her. The pause that followed felt far too much like contemplation.

'Fine,' she whispered eventually, wrapping her arms tighter around herself, 'but only to do what he must. And no-one else.'

Not Henry, she thought sadly. He didn't deserve this.

Xxx

Emma had asked Gold to meet them at the hospital, and wasn't surprised that he was already in the waiting room when they were shown in. She had told Mary Margaret and David to stay at home with the baby, as there was no use in them coming if they were only going to sit, but had promised to call with any news.

They found Gold and Robin Hood standing together, speaking to Doctor Whale in hushed voices which died down as soon as they saw Henry.

'Did you stay here all night?' Emma asked, looking at the dark circles beneath Robin's eyes and already knowing the answer.

'I said that I would,' he shrugged as if it were nothing.

'Thanks,' Henry muttered, still eyeing the outlaw with some suspicion.

'For what, Henry?'

'Not leaving her.'

Robin nodded slowly.

'I did once,' he admitted, 'and I swore that I never would again.'

'As touching as this is, can we get back to the matter at hand,' Gold asked insistently.

'Yes,' Emma agreed, 'what is it you have to do?'

'I need to assess the strength of her magic,' he explained, 'and try and figure out what actually happened when I attempted to encourage her to heal herself.'

'You still don't know?' the saviour gasped.

'I will once I have seen her. Whatever transpired, the desired result was obtained and I think we might just have to be grateful of that.'

Henry looked to the doctor. 'Has my Mom agreed to this?'

'She is allowing your grandfather in only to do what he must, those were her terms.'

'But she still won't see me?'

Gold felt something tug at his blackened heart when he saw Henry's expression fall. He put a hand on his shoulder and offered a weak smile.

'I'll talk to your mother,' he promised.

'Will she listen to you?'

Gold laughed. 'She hasn't always in the past, but I have known Regina for many years now and in the end she always bends to my way of thinking. This…this is all just for show, like the leather and velvet of the Evil Queen. She's hiding.'

'From me?' Henry asked.

'No,' he answered with a sigh, 'from the prospect of facing the truth.'

Henry nodded, sniffing back his tears. 'You'll make sure she's okay?'

'I swear to it,' Gold agreed.

'And if…if she won't see me, will you tell her…tell her I love her?'

There was a burning in Gold's eyes he hadn't felt for many years, and though he knew that it would not manifest it was enough that it was there.

'I will, Henry. I'll tell her.'

* * *

**Many feels, and I am sorry for the slight lack of action but it is all important I promise. **

**And Robin WILL eventually get to talk to Regina, I promise. And it's not too far off either.**

**Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it and please leave a review :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**So sorry, but I overestimated my ability to write and wasn't entirely happy with everything in this chapter so had to do a rewrite. I think it's where it needs to be though, so I will post it.**

**Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed, I still can't believe that it has gone over 200!**

**Next update won't be until Saturday, and after that I am going on holiday so it will be a short hiatus of two weeks or so. But I shall try to make the next chapter worth it. I had to cut this one down as it didn't make sense the way I had it the first time.**

* * *

Waiting for the man who had both made and ruined her life, Regina could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She hated that she was nervous, and knew that no matter what she couldn't allow herself to slip up in front of him; she had to retain some sense of dignity. He wasn't going to see the truth of her.

When Doctor Whale showed him in, Regina could already feel the piercing gaze he was so well known for locking onto her and she swallowed thickly before raising her head to meet it with her own. He was, as always, unreadable watching her with his hands clasped together before him.

'Hello dearie,' Gold greeted her, though the smirk which always accompanied his favourite phrase was notably absent. He was solemn in a way Regina had not seen since the death of his son, genuine emotion flickering beneath his cold outer mask. Pity. He opened his mouth to speak again but she stopped him.

'Don't,' she warned, her chest constricting as she tried to keep everything in. 'Please…just don't say it.'

Gold nodded in agreement, but his eyes never left hers.

'Okay,' he affirmed, speaking in a gentle tone he hardly recognised himself, 'I won't. But…but I am, Regina. Truly…'

'Stop,' she shouted, wiping at her eyes. 'Are you deaf or just stupid? I don't want to hear it. The only reason I even let you in here was because apparently I'd be dead without you.'

'It would take far more than this to kill you,' Gold said with a sad smile. 'I know, I've tried.'

'Just do whatever it is you're going to do and leave me alone, imp.'

Her words lacked the bite he had come to admire, and Rumple couldn't even bring himself to counter her insults. As he walked closer to her bedside he saw neither the innocent young woman he had first met nor the grand Evil Queen, not even the mayor of Storybrooke. She had lost everything she had been, and what Gold could see was an empty shell of a woman trying to project someone she no longer was to push everyone away.

It was frightening. Although he had always had the upper hand, he had always considered her a great sorceress and a worthy adversary. To see her struggling like this was more than a little disconcerting, and he didn't quite know what to do other than what she had asked of him.

'I cannot heal you myself,' he started to explain. 'Your magic is rather possessive. It is doing its best to keep you alive, and if I were to interfere with that it might turn its attentions to me-'

'Rather than the small task of keeping me breathing,' Regina finished, nodding in acknowledgment. Talking about something complex, that only they could really understand, helped her to keep her composure.

'Your powers have been weakened as I'm sure you can feel. They are acting to on instinct, to try and defend you, because you aren't yet strong enough to regain control.'

Regina hated what he was saying, but knew that it was the truth. She looked down at her hands trying in vain to call her magic as she had always been able to do without issue. Nothing. She curled her hand into a fist and huffed frustratedly.

'If you didn't heal me, then what exactly did you do?'

'I tried to give your magic a bit of a kick, allowing you to do the work yourself.'

'Tried?' Regina repeated, raising an unconvinced eyebrow.

'It didn't exactly go to plan,' he sighed.

'I appear to be alive,' she pointed out with a hint of dark sarcasm, 'unless this is all some horrible dream.'

'I'm afraid not. Whatever happened seemed to work, but not in the way I intended. There was quite a powerful exchange between us, and although the desired effect was achieved I have no way of knowing what the consequences may have been. All magic-'

'Yes, yes, I know,' Regina cut him off. 'I am still here and that is enough. I don't want to leave Henry; he shouldn't have to go through more than he already has. So you can do what you must to keep that from happening.'

'Even if I can't tell you what will come from this?'

'Nothing can hurt me more than I already have been,' she said, with a sombre honesty.

Looking up at Gold she saw an expression not of pity or even sympathy, but of understanding. She had never been able to hide her feelings from him, but in that moment Regina knew that he was not about to use it against her and that was at least a little reassuring.

Despite their past, she felt as if she could trust him and she was sure she had done the right thing in letting him in. He wouldn't cry or tell her how sorry he was, and he wouldn't demand more of her than she could give because he could see everything in her eyes. She needed someone to treat her as she was rather than some broken thing, because if she had to be reminded of exactly how far she had fallen then she wasn't sure she could keep the cracks in her heart from splintering.

'Do it,' she whispered, settling herself and taking a deep breath in readiness.

'Okay Regina, try and relax,' Gold told her, holding a hand up in the air above her and closing his eyes to concentrate. He could feel the desperate snap of her magic lashing out against his intrusion, but it was clear that she was still not even close to full strength; he doubted that she could cast even a simple spell without tiring herself.

Regina tried to embrace the odd experience of having someone manipulate her magic. Every instinct told her to resist, to fight against him, but she knew that she had to give him control no matter how much it scared her to relinquish it. She concentrated on her breathing, letting go and feeling him channelling the strength of his magic into her own. For a moment she could feel it working; her power surged a little before resolving again in her chest. Then everything went wrong.

She felt magic flooding her body like radiation and heightening her sensitivity. Regina gasped at the sensation, and although Gold was talking to her she couldn't hear what he was saying. The only sound that registered was the cry of a new-born, ringing so loudly in her ears that it hurt. For a moment that was all there was, the rest of the world fading away and leaving only the beautifully haunting melody of a child's cries.

'Regina?'

Noticing that something was wrong Gold quickly retracted, releasing her magic and taking a step away. When he did, the terrible sound faded until Regina could only hear her own shuddering breaths.

'Regina-'

'I'm fine,' she said quietly, bringing a hand to her throbbing temple and closing her eyes. 'Did you do what you had to do?'

'I made a start,' he explained, 'but it will take time. What happened?'

'Nothing. If you're finished for today, you can go.'

'Come on Regina,' he reprimanded her. 'It's me, you can stop pretending. I can read you like a book, always could and always will.'

'It was just a bit of a shock,' she lied, 'I can handle it.'

'I doubt that,' drawled Gold, 'you're still shaking, in case you hadn't noticed.'

Regina took one hand in the other and tried to will it to stop trembling, but it came to no avail. The baby's cries still echoed faintly in her ears, as if to torment her. She worried it would drive her insane. She ran her fingers through her hair and opened her eyes as things began to normalise around her.

'I just want to be left alone.'

'You always have been a hopeless liar,' he said with a certain fondness. 'Just like your mother.'

'Don't you EVER compare me to her,' Regina snapped, her eyes burning with anger. 'I am not my mother.'

'No, you are not,' Rumplestiltskin agreed, 'for one very simple reason. Cora took her own heart, leaving her empty for a very long time. You, however, feel things so incredibly deeply that you wear your emotions like a veil and no matter how hard you try and cover them you can't. And that is why you don't want to be alone, and you shouldn't be; because no-one should have to deal with that on their own. You need to let someone in.'

'Very poetic,' mumbled Regina, casting her eyes down.

'You know that I'm right. Henry is sitting out there-'

'No,' she insisted, quickly interrupting him.

'What are you so afraid of?'

'I just…I can't I…I can't,' she stuttered, shaking her head.

'Shut the rest of the world out by all means, keep everyone else away, but we both know that Henry deserves more than that. He begged me to ask you to see him.'

Regina felt her eyes searing as tears threatened to fall and she bit her lip hard to keep them at bay.

'I…I wouldn't know what to say,' she breathed.

'You don't need to say anything just let him see that you're alright; even if you aren't,' Gold reasoned. 'It doesn't bother me what you do, but I did make a promise to him that I would try and I don't break my promises.'

She contemplated it, feeling so conflicted that it was as though her heart was being pulled in two different directions. She wanted nothing more than to hold Henry again. He was the reason she was still fighting against the darkness which had, for a while, seemed so inviting; but at the same time she feared it. He was her son but still Regina was scared of seeing him, of letting him in. She had to be strong for Henry, but she wasn't sure that she was capable of it.

'Fine,' she whispered after a while, sniffing back her tears and holding her head up with an air of regality. 'Tell him he can come in.'

Gold nodded, trying to resist the urge to smirk at the small victory. He turned to go.

'You'll be back I assume?'

'Tomorrow,' he answered her, 'most likely every day until you can recover the control of your magic.'

'Right,' she sighed, rubbing her temple again as the headache resumed its relentless pulsing.

'But you will get it back,' he reassured her.

'Somehow that doesn't make me feel better,' she muttered, and although Gold wasn't meant to hear it he did. He had never thought that he could feel sorry for Regina, but in that moment he was proved wrong.

Xxx

When Gold came back into the waiting room, Henry was the first to his feet and his expression was pleading for answers.

'Is she okay? Can I see her?'

Gold smiled. 'Regina is fine, Henry. And yes, she has said that you can go in.'

'Really?' Henry's eyes widened as his face broke into a smile.

'Really. Though I do advise proceeding with caution. Your mother is a strong woman, but she has been through a lot.'

'I know,' Henry nodded solemnly. 'I'll be careful; I just want to talk to her.'

'Then go, kid,' Emma encouraged him with a smile. 'I'll be waiting for you when you come back. Tell her we're all thinking of her.'

'I will,' he promised, before leaving the room and heading down the corridor.

Once he was gone, Robin looked up at Gold and studied his features.

'You were lying, weren't you?' he accused, though his tone was not malicious. 'She's not alright.'

'Can you expect her to be, after everything? No she is not alright, but I didn't want to scare the boy.'

'Did whatever the hell you were doing not work?' asked Emma.

'It did,' he assured them, 'but there was something…puzzling about her reaction. This method of healing has not been used before, and I believe there could be side effects of sorts.'

Robin's brow furrowed. 'What kind of side effects?'

'I don't know,' admitted Gold, 'that's the problem. If Regina has felt them then she has not been forthcoming with that information.'

'Is it safe to keep doing this if we don't know what it does?' Robin questioned.

'We have no choice. She is very weak, both physically and magically, and if I stop she will die. And I cannot help her if she doesn't tell me if there is something wrong.'

'Too damn proud,' Robin shook his head, though he couldn't bring himself to be angry with her. Her forceful stubbornness was a hindrance, and yet without it she wouldn't be the Regina he had fallen in love with.

'I can keep an eye on her, but other than that we may just have to trust that she knows what she is capable of dealing with,' Gold stated, sighing heavily.

Xxx

Henry stood outside the curtain keeping his mother from the rest of the world and took a deep breath. He knew that it was ridiculous to be nervous, but it felt as if everything had changed since their weekend together. There was no way that he could understand how she was feeling, and he was worried that he would say something that would upset her.

When he finally found the courage to go in, he saw Regina lying in the bed propped up by pillows. She looked almost as nervous as he was. Although she smiled, her expression softening at the sight of him, Henry could see that it didn't quite reach her eyes. Her skin was pale, and in her baggy hospital gown she looked so impossibly small that he could hardly recognise her.

'Mom?'

His voice cracked with emotion, and before he could think Henry ran up and wrapped his arms around her tightly. She held onto him almost desperately, realising how much she had missed the warmth of his embrace, but she couldn't quite suppress a whimper as a spasm of pain ripped across her middle

'I'm sorry,' he gasped at once, pulling away, 'did I hurt you?'

'It's nothing,' she dismissed at once, bringing a hand up to his face and cupping his cheek. 'I've missed you so much.'

'I missed you too,' he whispered, his lower lip trembling. 'I thought…I thought you were…'

'Shh, it's okay,' Regina smiled, wiping a tear from his cheek gently with her thumb. 'I'm sorry for scaring you, but I'm fine. Really I am.'

Bracing herself against the inevitable discomfort she shifted over to one side of the bed, and although she hated showing it she grimaced at the movement.

'Do you want me to get someone?' he asked. She shook her head, taking a moment to steady her breathing before patting the bed beside her. Henry climbed up as carefully as he could.

'Are you sure? You look like you're in pain.'

'Don't worry about me sweetheart,' Regina whispered, encircling him in her arms. His head nestled against her chest and she rested her chin on top, her fingers stroking through his thick brown hair.

'I'm so sorry Mom.'

'Don't be,' she whispered.

'No…I should never have gone to school and left you on your own. If I hadn't…'

Regina could feel Henry's body shaking as he started to cry, and it broke her heart. Silent tears graced her cheeks, but she wouldn't allow herself to break down. She held him closer, rubbing his back soothingly.

'Don't say that,' she told him strictly. 'There's nothing you could have done. I told you to go, didn't I? I didn't think…well I thought I was going to get better. I'm very lucky that you came to find me.'

'Are you going to be okay?' he mumbled.

'It might take a while, but Mr. Gold is helping me. I'll be fine.'

'Promise?'

Regina kissed his forehead and pulled a blanket over them both.

'I promise,' she breathed, closing her eyes. They hadn't been this close since he was younger, and came into her room when he had bad dreams. She had always held him and lulled him back to sleep in her arms. To be able to feel that again, something she had missed so much in the past few years, was enough. For a moment, she could forget.

Xxx

_Regina heard Robin stirring behind her, and wrapped her robe more tightly around herself._

_'Regina?' he whispered._

_'Over here.'_

_He groaned as he lifted himself out of their bed, rubbing the back of his neck._

_'Did she wake up?' he asked as he turned on the bedside lamp and walked over to where Regina was sitting in the rocking chair beside the crib._

_'Not yet,' she answered, her voice hushed, 'she's got another hour or so before she's due a feed.'_

_'Then what are you doing?' _

_Robin moved behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders, gently massaging them._

_'That's nice,' she hummed, leaning back into his touch._

_'You didn't answer my question.'_

_Her smile faltered a little and she looked back down over her sleeping child. They had brought Rose home from the hospital a little over a week ago, and Regina still couldn't quite believe it._

_'I couldn't sleep.'_

_Robin's brow wrinkled and he moved to her side, kneeling so that their eyes were level._

_'What's wrong?'_

_She shook her head, but there were unshed tears glistening in her eyes. _

_'Regina,' he breathed, taking her hand between his own and kissing it softly, 'it's okay, you can tell me.'_

_'I just…I worry,' she mumbled looking down at her lap._

_'About what?'_

_'Her. I don't want to wake up one morning and find she's stopped breathing, or she's taken ill or something and I wasn't there. Sometimes I worry that one day I'll look over and she won't be there at all.'_

_A tear slipped past her meagre defences and Robin reached up to wipe it away, gently stroking her cheek._

_'Hey, it's okay to be scared. I feel it too,' he said reassuringly. 'But she's fine, she's perfect, and you've done every protection spell you can think of. If there was anything wrong, we would know about it.'_

_'I know,' Regina acknowledged, 'but I just can't shake this fear. If I watch over her, then I feel like she's safe.'_

_'Have you been doing this every night?'_

_She bit her lip, nodding slowly._

_'I always try and sleep, but I can't. I have to get up to feed her anyway, so most of the time I just don't go back to bed. Sometimes I rock her to sleep and keep her in my arms. I'm sorry, I must sound crazy.'_

_'Never,' Robin shook his head, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. 'You sound like a mother who is worried for their child, it's an understandable reaction. But you do know that you have to take care of yourself as well as her. You are doing a wonderful job Regina, you have to try and let yourself relax.'_

_Regina sighed, sniffing back her tears. 'I just can't stand the thought of losing her.'_

_Rose chose that moment to wake up, gurgling before letting out a soft cry. Regina was on her feet in an instant, scooping the baby into her arms with a smile before sitting back down and adjusting herself into a comfortable position. Regina touched her nose with the tip of her finger, and although she knew it wasn't possible yet she could have sworn the baby smiled at her. Rose reached up from her blanket and grabbed her finger, curling her tiny fist around it and holding on tightly._

_Robin reached over and kissed Rose's forehead, putting his arms around Regina and pressing his lips to her cheek._

_'See,' he whispered, 'she's fine. Hungry perhaps, but perfectly healthy. But if you want to stay up once she's fed I'll go and make us some coffee and we can sit for as long as you want.'_

_'Thank you,' Regina smiled, feeling the constant anxious flutter in her chest finally beginning to die down._

_Xxx_

Henry groaned as he slowly opened his eyes, realising that he had fallen asleep in her arms. He had no idea of how long he had been sleeping, or what had woken him, but there was a slight stiffness in his limbs that suggested it had not merely been a power nap.

He heard Regina whimper, and at once his heart started thumping.

'Mom?' he untangled himself from her grip gently, sitting up to look at her and he saw that her expression was contorted as if she were in discomfort. She was asleep with her eyes closed though her eyelashes were flickering and her hands had balled into fists. He jumped down off the bed to give her some space.

Henry reached over and gently brushed the hair from her face.

'Mom, wake up,' he whispered, trying to ease her out of her dream as cautiously as he could. But she didn't stir, and curled in on herself as her soft cries only worsened. Henry held her shoulders and shook her as much as he dared.

'MOM!'

Her eyes flew open, and she looked up at her son's worried face with confusion.

'Henry? Are you okay?' She tried to sit herself up, but couldn't find the strength to do much more than lift herself up onto the pillows.

'You're crying,' he noticed, and Regina touched a hand to her wet cheek as if she were noticing it for the first time.

'It was just a dream,' she dismissed with a weak attempt at a smile, 'I don't even remember what it was about.'

'Mom it's okay, you don't need to protect me or anything. I want to help.'

'You already have,' she told him honestly.

'Are you both alright?' Doctor Whale asked as he entered, closing the curtain behind him.

'We're fine,' Regina assured him.

'I'm glad to hear it, though I think that might have to be enough for today. I have to run a few tests, and then I think you should get some rest.'

'Tests?' Henry asked, his eyes widening.

'Just routine,' Whale assured him, 'nothing to worry about.'

He nodded slowly, but turned back to his mother.

'Can I come back?'

'Tomorrow,' she smiled, taking his hand, 'after school.'

'But-'

'No buts,' she interrupted him. 'You can't just sit around waiting for me, Henry. I'll be fine, I promise, but it would help me to know that you're getting on with things.'

'Maybe you can bring your mother a few things from home,' the doctor suggested.

'No,' Regina said quickly, her expression darkening, 'no you shouldn't go back there.'

She thought of her bedroom and the sea of red that had taken over and she felt nausea creeping up her throat. Henry squeezed her hand and brought her back to reality.

'It's okay Mom, I won't if you don't want me to.'

She nodded swiftly and took a deep breath.

'I'll see you tomorrow Henry.'

He hugged her carefully but tenderly. 'I love you Mom.'

'I love you too sweetheart.'

When Henry was gone, Regina let out a small sigh of relief.

'Not as bad as you thought?' asked Whale.

'No,' she admitted, 'I was wrong to keep him away.'

'They all care about you Regina, no matter what you might think.'

'Perhaps. What are these tests you have to do?'

He noted her quick change of subject, but didn't question it.

'Just to check on your progress since the surgery,' he explained. 'I'll draw some blood and take you for some scans this afternoon. Hopefully we should be able to take your stitches out in a few days, all being well. Are you hungry? The nurse said you left your breakfast this morning.'

'No,' she answered simply.

'You have to eat.'

'I'm not hungry,' she sighed.

'You have to take care of yourself Regina. This isn't just going to go away,' he warned her.

'I know that,' she snapped in reply, thought she caught herself before she said something worse and exhaled loudly. 'I'm sorry; I've never been a very good patient.'

'I can see,' Whale smiled warmly. He hesitated for a moment, before bringing up what he knew would be a tetchy subject.

'You know Robin has hardly left the hospital since you came here. He's been worried about you.'

Regina noticeably stiffened. 'I don't want to see him.'

'Will you at least allow me to update him on how you are?'

'Tell him what you like, but I don't want him near me,' Regina insisted, her voice beginning to shake. She wrapped her arms around her middle protectively. 'Get him out of here.'

'What do you mean?'

'I don't want him here, ask him to go.'

Of all the reactions he had anticipated, this had not been one of them.

'I…I'll try and explain it to him, if that's what you want.'

'It is,' Regina muttered, turning away. She held her hand out when he asked so that he could take a blood sample, but refused to say any more on the matter. The thought of seeing Robin made her stomach flip. She hardly had the strength to see Henry, let alone the man who had broken her heart.

He must know by now, she realised; that only made her feel worse. It had been cowardly to wait to tell him, she could see that, but there was no changing the past. Regina wondered whether he was angry with her. She could understand if he was. He would have learned about the child she was carrying, his child, just as it was taken away from him.

No, she couldn't deal with seeing him now. He would go back to his wife eventually, when the novelty of her illness wore off. Regina hated how that thought could still bring tears to her eyes. They had hurt each other enough; it was time to move on.

Xxx

'Hey kid,' Emma said as Henry came back, giving him a hug he looked like he needed, 'you took your time. How was she?'

'Okay, I think. What you'd expect really. We both fell asleep for a bit, and she had a bad dream but she wouldn't tell me about it.'

'Why don't we get lunch at Granny's and we can talk about it?'

He agreed, but with far less enthusiasm than usual. Emma could see that his worry had not quite been abated by the visit.

'She just needs time,' she reassured him, 'it's only been a few days.'

'I know,' he sighed. 'She was just distant, like she wasn't really there the whole time, and she wouldn't talk about what happened.'

'Did she say you could come back?'

Henry nodded. 'Tomorrow, but she said I have to go to school.'

'That sounds like your Mom,' Emma smiled, trying to act as if everything he was saying didn't scare her as much as it did him. 'We can keep an eye on her, and if you're still worried we can talk to Doctor Whale, okay?'

'Okay,' Henry approved. 'See you later Robin.'

'Bye Henry,' Robin said, smiling briefly before letting out a long sigh. He was left alone in the waiting room once again with his thoughts, rolling the flowers between his fingers gently. After a short time the doctor came in and Robin got to his feet.

'Everything is fine,' he said at once noticing the concerned look on the outlaw's face, 'I just need to talk to you about something.'

Robin's brow furrowed. 'Me? Why?'

Whale sighed heavily, trying to find the right words.

'I was talking to Regina, and I told her that you had been waiting here for her. I'm afraid she was quite adamant that you leave.'

'What?' he breathed, confusion and hurt mixing in his chest and making him feel nauseous.

'She doesn't want to see you, and she said that I should tell you to go.'

'I'm not going anywhere,' he countered at once.

'I don't have any wish to remove your forcefully, but Regina was insistent. She has given me permission to keep you informed of her condition, but she doesn't want you here. Please.'

'Did she say why?' Robin asked.

'No, but I can guess that she's simply not ready. You have a connection to what has happened to her, more so than anyone else, and she has not yet been able to fully accept it. I tried to talk to her, but she refused to listen to reason. Perhaps in a few days she might come round, but for now I think it might be better if you go.'

Robin ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. He didn't want to believe it, but at the same time he couldn't blame her for wanting him gone. As much as it pained him, he wanted to respect her wishes. He looked up at the doctor.

'Okay,' he started, 'if you can look me in the eye and tell me she's alright, then I'll go.'

'Robin-'

'No,' the thief insisted. 'Those are my terms. I'll come in, every morning and every evening, and the first time I see you lying when you give your answer I'm going to find her and you won't be able to stop me. I'm not going to stay if she doesn't want me here, I don't want to hurt her any more than I already have, but I won't leave her if she's not at least as well as she can be.'

Whale hesitated, but nodded.

'Well she's tired, understandably, but I think seeing Henry may have done her some good. Emotionally she is not entirely stable, but considering she has only been awake for a day she is doing as I would expect.'

Robin searched his eyes for truth and found it, exhaling deeply.

'Will…will you at least get these to her?' he asked, handing the doctor the flowers. 'They're from Roland; if you explain that then maybe she'll take them. I promised him I'd give them to her.'

'I'll make sure of it,' the doctor answered sincerely.

Robin nodded slowly, and left as swiftly as he could. He started walking and he didn't stop, not at Granny's or his room or even by the camp at the woods. He wanted to get away, as far away as he could, but no matter where he went his pain only followed him.

Xxx

'Regina?'

She huffed when she heard Whale coming in, having curled onto her side to try and convince everyone that she was going to rest and they should leave her be.

'What,' she mumbled.

'He's gone.'

Regina stayed quiet for a moment, not quite sure how she felt at the words. There was certainly a sense of relief in being afforded another day before they had to talk, but there was also a sense of sadness that no matter how hard she tried to shake she found that she couldn't.

'Good,' she muttered, though it felt far from it.

'He asked me to give you something.'

'I don't want it.'

'From Roland,' Whale added, and at that Regina softened her stoicism. She pushed herself up into sitting position, ignoring her body's protests, and turned to see the small bunch of flowers he was holding. They were a mixture of deep purples and blues, with a soft scent that reminded her of that first night she had found Robin in the woods and kissed him. It was such a wonderful memory, finally giving herself to someone after so long, and yet now it was tainted with melancholy.

'Thank you.'

Whale put them on the table to her side before leaving her, sensing that she needed some time alone. Once he was gone Regina picked up the bunch, and felt the warmth where a hand had held onto the stems – Robin. As soon as she touched them it was as though she could feel where his touch had been and it sent a shiver down her spine.

Lying back against the pillows, she closed her eyes and brought the flowers up over her heart where their warmth met her chill. She wondered if she would ever be happy again.

* * *

**I know I'm sorry about the lack of outlaw queen, but I added some feels at the end; she does love him, but it's such an emotional time that she can't deal with him right now. I had planned on having them talk in this chapter, but I felt like after seeing Henry and Rumple she wouldn't want another highly emotional conversation; and it WILL be emotional. **

**Next chapter I promise ;) Will make it long and worth the wait. And it will get better for Regina at some point, poor sweetie.**

**Thanks for reading and please leave a review. **


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry for the delay in this chapter, but I had such a busy week. I wanted to get it up before I go on holiday, as there will be a two week hiatus before I can post again - sorry but no internet! I will try and get one up as quickly as I can when I'm back.**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, you are all amazingly supportive and this story has somehow reached 250 reviews which is amazing I cannot thank you enough.**

**See you in two weeks everyone :)**

* * *

That night Regina wouldn't allow herself to sleep. What she saw when she closed her eyes was too difficult; the physical pain she refused to acknowledge was nothing compared to what she felt when she saw the life she might have had. So she refused to give into her dreams, even when her body ached with exhaustion, often resorting to digging her nails into her palms when her eyelids began to droop against her will.

But sitting alone in the dark, there were other torments that she could not escape. She replayed the altercation with Emma over and over in her mind, the headache which now seemed to plague her constantly a reminder of that which she had felt when she had used her magic so foolishly.

Regina had convinced herself that was the moment when everything had gone wrong. She had not lost her child after trying to expel Emma from her house, but things had not been quite right afterwards. To her, it all came down to that; she used magic when she shouldn't have, allowed her anger to take control, and there she was to blame for what had transpired. If only she had managed to control her temper, she thought, turned and walked away… Tears were not enough anymore to express the deep anguish and regret which she felt with each breath she took.

The sun eventually insisted on rising, but with people moving in and out at least it broke the poisonous silence. When she finally looked up at the clock on the wall, Regina realised that it was already three in the afternoon and Henry would soon be on his way.

With a newfound determination, she ripped the blankets away and turned herself so that her legs were dangling over the side of the bed and she was sitting up without support. That motion in itself was enough to make her feel dizzy, and she gripped the mattress as she forced herself to stay conscious.

'Regina?'

She groaned as she heard Doctor Whale coming in, having hoped that she could attempt at movement in private to avoid losing what little dignity she still retained.

'Go away.'

'You should still be lying down,' he reminded her, though she scoffed at his condescension.

'I'm fine.'

'No,' Whale said gently, 'you're not. What is this about?'

Regina sighed, shaking her head.

'I just want to get out of bed,' she mumbled, 'is that too much to ask?'

'Yes, it is,' Whale told her honestly. 'You are demanding too much of yourself.'

'Can you get me a chair or not?' she snapped, avoiding the subject. Once he realised that she was adamant Whale asked the nurses to bring in an armchair from the waiting room, knowing that plastic chairs normally used by visitors would only cause her more discomfort.

Regina looked at the ugly green chair with disdain. It was only a few feet away from her, and yet it might as well have been a thousand miles. Whale moved the drip stand free, as she was still attached to it through the bag of fluid that hung there, and Regina took the cool metal pole in her hand.

'Will you at least let me help?' he asked offering an arm, but she shook her head. 'Regina-'

'I can do it,' she insisted, though there was little conviction in her tone.

Slowly she lowered herself down until her feet touched the floor, clinging onto the stand with one hand and the mattress with the other. Her legs felt like jelly, and stretching her body after lying for so long was more than a little uncomfortable, but she refused to give in.

The first step was difficult, and painfully slow, but it was a victory all the same. She took another, and a third until she had made enough progress to require her to let go of the bed in order to continue forwards. That was a mistake.

Her legs alone could not support her meagre weight, too tired from lack of use and energy, and the moment her fingers loosened their grip on the hospital bed they failed her. Thankfully Doctor Whale had foreseen what was going to happen, and had closed the small space between them to grab her elbow and keep her upright.

'That's enough, Regina,' he warned. 'You need to go back to bed.'

'No,' she argued, 'no I can't.'

'What does this achieve, other than throwing away what little strength you have managed to claw back?'

'Henry,' she whispered, almost pleading as she struggled to keep her body from giving up completely.

Whale helped her stumble the last few steps to the chair, taking the weight of her delicate frame. As soon as she was able, Regina collapsed into the velvet cushions and almost moaned in relief. Whale brought the drip stand to the side, ensuring that the tubes connecting to the back of her hand were not tangled, and gave her a blanket to cover her legs.

'What does Henry have to do with this…this suicide mission?'

Regina dropped her head back, closing her eyes as she tried to get her breathing back under control.

'Needed…out…bed…'

His expression contorted in confusion, before realisation dawned and he sighed.

'You think if he sees you sitting here, he'll think you're getting better?'

Regina gave a small nod, unwilling to waste her precious breath on a more detailed answer.

'He knows what has happened, he knows how serious it is and no matter what you do, he can see in your face when you're not okay. You can't protect him from this.'

'I…I can try…' she breathed, forcing her eyes open and blinking as the brightness of the light stung her eyes.

'You need to think of yourself for now. You can't worry about what Henry feels, especially when it's beyond your control.'

'I don't care about me,' she muttered darkly, but before the doctor had a chance to respond he heard Henry's voice as he chatted to one of the nurses. Regina brushed the hair from her face nervously, and pushed back everything she didn't want him to see before he appeared around the curtain.

'Mom, you're up!'

'Yes I am' she smiled, knowing at once when she saw the pure relief in his expression that it had been worth it. She shot Whale a warning glance as Henry was busy admiring her flowers, her eyes narrowing. He wasn't going to ruin this for her son.

'Does that mean you're getting better?'

Regina took his hand as he came to sit beside her. 'Yes, I feel much improved.'

'Regina-'

'Could you give us a minute?' she hissed, cutting Whale off. Though hesitant, he did not want to have a confrontation in front of Henry so reluctantly he obliged and left them alone.

'I brought you some things,' Henry said, bringing the bag he had been carrying up to sit on his lap. Regina felt as if the air was being pulled from her lungs, though she tried to keep her expression neutral.

'Henry…I asked you not to go back there.'

'I didn't,' he assured her quickly, 'Grandma and Emma took me shopping. We got you some pyjamas, some books and things; I thought you must be bored.'

Relaxing a little in relief, she reached up and touched his cheek.

'Thank you dear. Now tell me, how was school?'

Xxx

The next passed almost painfully slowly. Every morning Regina would make her way over to the armchair, to ensure that she was settled before Henry came to see her in the afternoon. Although by the weekend she could make it unaided, the journey never seemed to get any easier.

Each morning Rumplestiltskin would come and sit with her, trying to coax her magic into remission. It was draining, emotionally and physically, and by the end of their sessions she was always exhausted. Every time their magic intertwined it was as if she was plunged back into the world of her dreams, a living nightmare until he finally pulled away from her. He asked her once what it was that bothered her, but when she had refused to answer him he had let the matter lie. If nothing else, Mr. Gold was a man to respect her word and she appreciated it.

Once he left, Regina would allow herself some time to rest before Henry's after school visits. She read the books he had brought her and sipped at water, refusing to allow herself to fall asleep when she could help it. As the days wore on it began taking more of a toll, to the extent where her bones ached with constant weariness and even closing her eyes for short periods of time didn't seem to help.

Gold had told her that trying to practice using her magic would help her regain enough control to heal herself, so most of her time was spent in her chair concentrating hard and trying to produce a flame in her open palm. Frustratingly Regina experienced no success. It was as if she could feel her magic inside her but it would not come when she called, burning furiously and yet offering no heat.

'You have to let yourself feel,' Gold reminded her. It was Sunday morning, just less than a week after everything had happened, and he had taken a chair beside where she sat in her armchair.

'I know,' she snapped. He held his hands up in mock surrender.

'I'm only trying to help, dearie.'

Regina sighed heavily, letting her head fall into her useless hand. 'What if it doesn't come back?'

'It will,' he said with an air of confidence.

Gold looked at the dark circles beneath her eyes and the way her collarbones stuck out so poignantly, as if straining against her skin, and his brow wrinkled. She wasn't getting better; that much was clear. Her refusal to find a way of dealing with everything was eating away at her, and at this rate soon enough there would be nothing left. Although part of him said that it wasn't his problem to deal with he knew that he couldn't let it lie.

'I should go,' he announced as he stood to leave, seeing that she didn't even offer a response. 'I'll be back tomorrow. Keep trying, it will happen.' She murmured something beneath her breath that he couldn't quite make out, though Gold could guess that it was a choice word or two she wasn't brave enough to say directly to his face.

He left her there, and found Doctor Whale in his office.

'Mr. Gold? How can I-'

'You need to do something about her,' he interrupted the doctor.

'What do you mean?'

'She looks worse than she did when she came in,' Gold hissed. 'Is there not something you can do?'

Whale shook his head. 'It's a slow process. I can only do what she will allow me, I can't force her hand. There is no cure for a broken heart, Mr. Gold.'

'So you're going to sit back and watch her self-destruct? Because that's what's happening to her right now,' he warned.

'I've tried talking to her, as I guess you have; even Henry has tried to no avail. I can ask Dr. Hopper, but I doubt she would be any more receptive to him. Regina has closed herself off completely; I don't know if she will let anyone in.'

Rumple almost growled in frustration, taking a moment to think. He wished that he could take his usual stance of indifference, but no matter how hard he tried not to care he couldn't quite bring himself to leave her to her fate. He had grown, in some ways, to care about her and this was no way for his greatest adversary to be defeated; by grief for an unborn child. Guilt weighed heavily within him, and he knew that to even begin to offset it he had to get her to open up.

That thought formed the beginnings of an idea.

'Does the outlaw still come?'

'Twice a day at least,' Whale nodded. 'Why?'

'What have you been telling him?'

'Very little,' the doctor admitted. 'If he thinks she isn't any better then I fear what he might do; he has already proved to be hostile. Mostly I update him on her physical wellbeing. I don't lie to him exactly, just-'

'Neglect to reveal the whole truth,' Gold finished. He pondered for a moment. 'Tell him.'

'Why would I do that?'

'He's the only other person with a chance to get through to her,' reasoned the pawnbroker. 'If you tell him the truth about how Regina is, then he will be spurred into action.'

Whale shook his head. 'I…I see your point, but the fact remains that she refuses to see him, and I am bound by law to obey her wishes on the matter.'

The corner of Gold's lip curled into a smirk.

'Just tell him when he comes in today. Trust me; you won't have to worry about the rest.'

Xxx

Robin knew the walk to the hospital so well that he didn't even have to think about it anymore. The routine was always the same. He would go into Whale's office and ask the same question, only to be infuriated by a vague and clinical answer. Robin knew that Regina was having her stitches removed tomorrow, that she had managed to walk a little way and the strength was slowly returning to her muscles, but he didn't know how she _was. _He needed to hear that she was okay, but whenever he pressed for more information Whale just said that she was 'as you would expect'.

He had put up with it for long enough. When he wasn't at the hospital Robin went to see Roland or took some jobs around the town to keep his mind occupied but all he could think of was Regina and how he was letting her down by not being there. Everything felt wrong, disjointed somehow without her presence even from a distance.

Knocking briefly before inviting himself in, Robin knew that something was different at once. Whale was sitting at his desk as if he had been waiting for the outlaw's arrival, when normally he would just continue his work while they talked.

'Robin,' he greeted him without a smile, 'take a seat.'

'What is it?' Robin asked at once, sensing the shift in dynamic.

'I'll explain everything, but it might be better if you sit.'

Robin did as he was asked, feeling his heart beginning to hammer his ribs and trying to prevent panic from rising in his throat.

'I know that I haven't been exactly forthcoming with news,' Whale started, with a nod of agreement from Robin, 'so I think it might be time you heard the whole truth.'

'You've been lying to me?'

The doctor could see anger flashing in his eyes, and shook his head vehemently. 'No, everything I have told you has been true. But I thought that if I was entirely honest with you about everything, then you might act…irrationally.'

'Who are you to decide what I should know?' shouted Robin, his hands curling into fists.

'I realise my error in judgement,' Whale admitted, 'but if you remain calm then I am willing to tell you everything. Though you must understand that she still refuses to see anyone but Henry; there really is little that you can do.'

'Tell me,' the former thief breathed, desperation creeping into his otherwise angry tone.

Whale took a deep breath before starting.

'Like I said, what I have told you is true. Physically she is slowly building up her strength, but her condition is far more complicated than that. I had hoped that she might come out of it after the initial shock of everything wore off, but I have seen no improvement.'

'What do you mean?' Robin asked, hardly able to speak as he felt his throat constricting.

'Regina is falling into a dangerous cycle,' he explained. 'She refused any pain medication, although she must still be in considerable discomfort, and I fear her ability to think logically may be compromised by her grief.'

'Why would she do that?'

Whale shrugged. 'I have seen the loss of something so dear do strange things to people. She refuses to talk about her physical condition; I haven't even been able to explain the procedure she had done to her properly. Regina is shutting everyone out, even Henry in a way. He comes every day after school and stayed with her all day yesterday, but when he is there she simply pretends that everything is normal even when he knows that isn't true. It isn't good for either of them, but I would never stop them from seeing each other. I…I fear that she only lives for the sake of her son.'

Robin's eyes widened. 'What do you mean by that?'

'I spoke to the nurses, and they have seen that she hardly eats a thing. Normally I would have to consider putting in a feeding tube, but I have been putting that off for as long as I can; I know that she would protest, and I wouldn't want to do alarm Henry by asking his permission. And I know that Regina doesn't sleep. I think there is a distinct possibility she has recurring nightmares, but she denies anything wrong even when she wakes screaming.'

Whale exhaled deeply and looked directly into Robin's worried eyes. 'I don't know what to do,' he said honestly.

'This…this has been happening the entire time?' Robin asked, and when the doctor nodded in reply he felt as if someone had slapped him around the face. He knew that he never should have let her send him away.

'Let me see her,' insisted Robin, 'let me try and talk her round.'

'I can't. Unless she was considered unable to make rational decisions for herself, I have to listen to her requests and I do not want it to come down to that.'

'Do you think it could?'

'If she continues as she is, then I don't think I would have any other choice than to legally question her mental competency,' Whale confessed.

'You can't do that to her,' Robin said at once. 'Surely that would only isolate her more than she already is.'

'If she is a danger to herself, then my hands will be tied. This is why I am telling you now, Robin. I need your help.'

'But how am I supposed to do that if I can't even see her?' he argued.

'I don't know,' Whale sighed.

Robin clenched his fists, trying to resist the urge to hit something.

'Why don't you go and get a coffee, and we can talk more about this?' the doctor suggested.

'Yeah,' Robin grumbled, knowing that if he didn't take a moment to cool off then he wouldn't be able to stop himself from destroying Whale's office.

He kicked the chair back, leaving the office without looking back and walking down the corridor towards the cafeteria. It was all that he could do not to fall apart. His mind raced with images of the woman he loved slowly fading away. He wanted to slam his knuckles into the wall again, but he knew that it had done no good the first time.

Realising that he had taken a wrong turn, Robin huffed and looked at where he was. The corridor to his left, he saw, would take him to her room. With a surge of impulsiveness he took it, half running until he reached the glass partition that kept them apart. The curtain was drawn around the bed so he couldn't see her.

Robin waited until the nurse had left the room, pressing his body against the far wall to avoid being noticed and slipped behind her before the door closed fully, edging it open and then closing it as quietly as he could behind him. The door locked automatically, but he used a chair to jam it so that no-one could get in and then turned to face the thing he feared and yet wanted the most.

When he first opened the curtain she didn't notice him straight away. Regina was sitting in the armchair, legs curled beneath her with a book on the arm that she was lazily thumbing through without really reading.

Robin's breath caught in his throat. Her pallor was verging on grey, and she was thinner than he had ever seen her almost swallowed by her blue silk nightdress and dressing gown. She looked as if she might snap if you held onto her too hard. Her hands had a subtle tremble, only just noticeable when she lifted them to turn the page; but she was still so beautiful. That was what truly stole the air from Robin's lungs. Despite it all she was stunning in every way.

'What do you want?' Regina asked, not bothering to look up from her novel.

'Only to see that you are alright.'

She stiffened at the sound of his voice, her blood running cold in her veins. Part of her was desperate to raise her head, to look into his soft blue eyes again but she couldn't bring herself to do it. The subtle tremble in her hands grew stronger.

'What are you doing in here?' Although she tried, the anger in her voice faded quickly.

'I had to see you,' Robin explained, moving a step closer. At that moment Regina's resolve broke and her head snapped towards him, warning him not to come any closer.

'I made it quite clear that I did not want the same.'

'I know,' he acknowledged, 'and I left, I did, but when Doctor Whale told me how you were I couldn't stay away any longer.'

'I'm fine,' she stated with false assurance.

'He doesn't seem to think so, and neither do I,' Robin told her, trying to keep the threatening tears at bay. 'I…I know that nothing I can say can take away the pain of what has happened-'

'Stop,' she whispered.

'-but I didn't know what else to do. Let me be here for you, Regina. Our baby-'

'STOP,' she screamed, tears burning down her cheeks as they fell. She dropped her head and her fingers clawed at the arms of the chair as she tried to keep the sobs at bay.

'I'm…I'm sorry,' he stuttered, almost frightened by her reaction though more for her sake than his own, 'I don't want to upset you. I know you must be angry with me.'

'Angry?' Regina smiled sombrely. 'Why would I be angry? We both said things we shouldn't have said. That…that night I was calling you to apologise, to try and put everything behind us. None of this is your fault.'

'Then why push me away?'

She shook her head, her breathing becoming shallow as every emotion toppled onto her at once. Slowly she got to her feet, feeling her legs wobble beneath her though she was grateful for the distraction.

'I can't do this right now,' she mumbled, putting one hand out to steady herself on the side table.

'Regina…please…'

'I didn't want you here because you remind me of everything I've lost,' she said suddenly, turning to face him. 'I couldn't see you, not because I don't care or because I wanted to punish you but because I can't handle it. Looking into your eyes I can see her, I can see you holding her and it kills me.'

Sobs wracked her dangerously thin frame.

'It's my fault,' she wept, 'it's all my fault. I should have put my feelings aside and told you wh-when I had the chance, it wasn't right to keep you in the dark.'

'I didn't exactly make it easy for you to tell me. None of this is your fault. It's just something that happened, and it is tragic and I hate that you've had to go through this, but it couldn't have been prevented.'

'You don't understand,' Regina insisted. 'She…the b-b…she had magic, and it was connected to my own. I wasn't supposed to use it but…but I did. Emma was trying to take Henry to New York and I snapped, I just snapped and I tried to push her away. I was thrown against the wall and after that nothing was quite right, and three days later…I did it. I k-killed our b-baby because I c-couldn't let go of my anger.'

Robin felt as if someone had squeezed his heart so tightly that he could see little black dots playing in his vision. She honestly believed that this was her fault. Regina's entire body was shaking now, and she looked as if she was about to fall.

'Regina, please,' Robin croaked, feeling the wetness on his own cheeks, 'don't do this. Our child was not meant to be, that's all. No-one is to blame for that.'

'No,' she shook her head violently, 'she was going to be beautiful. My hair, your eyes, and she was so powerful Robin, light magic stronger than any I have seen. She would have been happy, we would have been happy, and I took that away from her…from you…'

Robin's brow creased in confusion as she rambled on.

'I don't understand-'

'I see her,' Regina choked, as her sobs became stronger, 'whenever I close my eyes I see her, and you, and what was supposed to happen. So I can't be here with you, I can't let you in when I know everything that I took from you when I cast that spell.'

She started to turn away but Robin reached out and grabbed her wrist lightly. Regina felt fear and panic surging through her and brought her arms up, forcing him away from her with a bright purple haze. It was weak, barely enough to push him back a few paces, but it was enough. She looked down at her hands, stunned for a moment as she felt her magic beginning to twitch at her fingertips once more.

Robin could sense what was about to happen before it did. Regina's legs gave out beneath her and she started to fall gracefully to the floor. He managed to catch her before she hit the ground, dropping to his knees and gathering her into his arms. Her eyes were closed, but she groaned to prove that she was still conscious.

'I've got you,' he whispered, holding her tightly and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

'No,' she murmured, her eyes fluttering open, 'you have to leave.'

'I'm not going anywhere.'

Regina brought a fist up and pounded weakly against his chest, her breath hitching as she started to sob again. 'Let me go.'

'Not a chance,' he breathed. 'Doctor Whale said he never explained it to you properly. Did he say that the pregnancy was ectopic?'

'Stop,' she pleaded, 'just leave me alone.'

'I promise you that if you answer me this, then I will go. What did he tell you, Regina?'

'I haven't talked to him about it,' she admitted, in a voice so much smaller than usual. 'I lost the…the baby, that was the only thing I needed to know.'

'He told us when you were in surgery that the baby wasn't growing where it was supposed to. I don't really know the details of it, but Whale said that it…she…was never going to survive.'

'What?' Regina breathed, looking up at him with wide eyes.

'You could never have given birth to our child, Regina, she was not meant to live. There was nothing anyone could have done, so it's not your fault. There is no blame to lay. But I am sorry. I'm so sorry.'

Regina's face crumpled, and she wrapped her arms around Robin's neck and allowed herself to be held. He kept her close, eyes brimming with tears; he never wanted to let go of her again.

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**Outlaw Queen as promised, and next chapter will be more of them trying to talk through what has happened. **

**Had such a difficult time writing this chapter but I wanted to get it out so I hope it's okay.**

**Please leave a review :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**I am back! Sorry for the wait but I just came back on Friday and had no privacy to try and write while I was away which I had planned to do so it has been a bit hectic. Sorry about the shorter chapter but I wanted to get something out and it has been madness working out the logistics of the next few chapters.**

**I am aiming to have at least one chapter a week up as uni is starting again so work is going to pile up, but if I finish before a week is up then I will post it as soon as I can. **

**Thank you all for your kind support and reviews, every one means so much to me.**

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He held her for what could have been minutes or hours as she cried softly, so grateful to feel her warmth pressed against him after what seemed like an eternity apart. He held back tears of his own, knowing that the least he could do after all of the times he had failed to be there for her was stay strong. He didn't have the right to fall apart.

As she finally began to quiet Robin lifted Regina gently into his arms. She didn't protest, merely tightening her grip around his shoulders ever so slightly as her body left the ground. Though she weighed hardly anything, as light as a feather in his arms, he was more worried by her lack of resistance. Regina hated showing her vulnerability, never letting anyone take care of her. Although Robin was relieved that she was finally opening up, allowing herself to express her emotions, in a way it frightened him. He was scared for her, for what this whole ordeal had put her through, and he worried that he wasn't going to be enough to help her through it; he didn't want to let her down again.

Robin perched on the edge of the bed in order to lay her down as gently as possible on the soft mattress. Her head fell against the pillow, her eyes open but fluttering with exhaustion. He pulled the blanket to cover her though when he moved to stand, she reached out and grabbed the sleeve of his jacket. Robin adjusted his position so that he was sitting beside her and wrapped his arm around her carefully. Regina nestled her head against his chest.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered.

'You have nothing to be sorry for.'

'I should have told you when I first found out, when I had the chance. I wanted to, but I was worried.'

'About what?'

Regina took a deep breath, wanting to be honest with him. 'That you wouldn't want us. I know it's ridiculous, but I didn't know whether you would be happy about it; we had only been together a few weeks and it all seemed to happen so fast. And then after Marian…I just couldn't face it. I didn't want to break up your family, and I was worried about being rejected again.'

Robin reached a hand across to stroke her hair.

'It's okay, Regina, I understand completely. And I hate that I made you feel that way. I know that the way I treated you was unforgiveable, and I hate myself for what I did to you. If I had dealt with everything and just been honest from the start then…well, I suppose we'll never know what would have happened.'

'Even so, I should have told you,' Regina sighed, looking down at her hands. 'You didn't deserve to find out the way you had to. I was going to tell you-'

'I know,' Robin said. She looked up at him, wearing a puzzled expression.

'I heard your messages,' he explained.

'Oh,' she mumbled, dropping her gaze back to her hands. She started absentmindedly tugging at the skin on the back of her left hand with her right, a nervous tick she hadn't repeated since before her marriage to the king. Her mother had told her it was unbecoming and 'helped' her to kick the habit; she almost flinched at the memory. But now Regina saw no point in complying with Cora's controlling ways. If her mother could see her now, she was sure that would be the last thing she would criticise.

Robin could hear the disappointment in her tone, and realised what he had said.

'No, I mean I didn't…I only got them a few days ago, after…if I'd seen your messages then I would have come straight away, I swear to you. God if you knew how much I wanted to. When I heard your voice playing back to me it broke my heart, because I knew that I had let you down again.'

Regina began to relax, knowing at once that he wasn't lying to her. She shuffled a little but her hands fell still. 'It's okay.'

'It's not,' Robin shook his head. 'I didn't have my phone, Marian…well it's a long story.'

Regina couldn't prevent her heart from sinking again as he mentioned her name. Using the little strength she still retained in her arms she pushed herself up into sitting position, moving away from his embrace. He looked confused, but Regina couldn't bear to meet his eye.

'You should probably get back to her,' she mumbled, brushing her hair behind her ear nervously, 'I am guessing that she doesn't know you're here.'

Robin put a hand on her arm reassuringly and felt her muscles tense, and he thought he saw a spark ignite at the tip of one of her fingers though he couldn't be sure.

'Regina, Marian has no reason to know what I do, not anymore. We are no longer together.'

For a second, just the most fleeting of moments, she had been overcome with happiness so strong it seemed to wipe away the darkness which had festered within her for what seemed like forever. He had left his wife for her, for them, before he even knew about the baby. And then she had realised that her hope, as always, was surely misguided. He felt sorry for her and out of some sense of duty he had decided to leave his family, for the meantime at least, to care for her. That second of happiness which had seemed so bright was lost as quickly as it had come.

Her heart plummeted, coming to rest uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach. Her head snapped to look at him, eyes burning with such a mixture of emotions that she couldn't tell if she was angry, hurt, excited or all three at once.

'No,' she stuttered, shaking her head, 'no, you didn't leave her.'

'I couldn't live a lie any longer.'

Regina pulled away from his touch.

'No, you shouldn't have done that. Not because of this. I may only be a shadow of my former self but I don't want to be responsible for breaking up another family because of what happened to me. I don't need your pity, I don't need anyone's pity. I just want to be left to grieve on my own.'

She was shouting by the time she delivered the final words, trying to lash out to conceal the truth of how hurt she felt.

'No, no, no,' Robin repeated, wondering how he continued to keep saying the wrong thing. 'I didn't leave Marian because I found out about this.'

Regina remained silent, reaching up to wipe a tear from her eye.

'I tried to kid myself for a very long time, pretending that I could continue on with family life as if the past few years never happened. I convinced myself that you were better off without me, and that I was doing the right thing; but it was all a lie. We both knew that it was never going to be like it used to, but I don't think she had quite accepted it. I loved her once, and she will always be a mother to Roland, but I do not love her now. I told her all of this a week ago, and I took a room at Granny's. Marian…she took my phone before I left which is why I didn't get any of your messages. I swear to you on my life, on Roland's life. I wouldn't lie to you.'

There was a period of quiet as Regina let the words sink in. She didn't know how to feel anymore, and she didn't know what to believe.

'Why?' she whispered eventually, turning to look at him with glistening brown eyes.

'Because I love you,' Robin answered at once, reaching up to cup her cheek and wipe away a tear just as it started to fall. 'I should have told you the day that I met you because that was when I knew. I don't know how to explain it, but it's the truth. I love you, so much, and I promised myself that as soon as I saw you again I would tell you.'

Regina fell into his powerful gaze, feeling warmth wash over her.

'I love you too,' she smiled weakly, closing the small gap between them slowly and reaching to touch her lips to his. It was the lightest of kisses, and yet for both of them it was the most blissful. Their eyes closed as their lips met in a soft caress, Robin's thumb gently grazing across her cheek. It should have been perfect.

As they parted, eyelids still shut, Robin rested his forehead against Regina's and allowed himself a small smile. But when he opened his eyes he could see that she was still crying, her breath hitching as it caught in her throat.

'What's wrong?'

Regina put a hand on his shoulder and raised her head so she could look at him, her eyes running over his features as if she wanted to memorise every detail in case he vanished before her eyes.

'I have waited so long to feel like this again, to feel love,' she explained, her voice sounding small. 'I didn't want it to happen like this.'

The words she had waited so long to hear, that she had dreamed he would say to her in his gorgeous sultry English tone, had finally been spoken. But they were tainted by the events they were surrounded by. In her dreams they had been snuggled by the fire, waking up in each other's arms or even just having dinner at Granny's – not sat together in a hospital bed with a cloud of grief hanging over them. Regina wanted to feel happy, she wished that she could, but it felt as if her heart was still too heavy with sorrow to allow more than a shimmer of light in.

'I'm sorry,' he said, shaking his head. 'I wish it could be different. I wish there was some way I could take away all of your pain, but I can't. But I do love you. I love you so much that it feels like I can't breathe, because loving you is the only thing that matters. It's not going to be easy Regina, but you…no, we will get through this. I will do whatever you want me to do; if you want me to go then I won't say another word, if you want me to stay I won't leave for a moment. That night I thought I had lost you, and my entire world fell apart.'

He took her hand and interlaced their fingers.

'I want for this nightmare to end,' Regina mumbled, squeezing his hand.

Robin gathered her into his arms, and for a while they just lay there together. For Regina it was all so overwhelming, and she wasn't sure exactly what she was feeling. But he was there. For now, that was more than enough. He was there and he wanted her, in spite of everything that she had done. She couldn't be angry at him for how he had acted, for she had acted just as irrationally. All that mattered was that he was holding her, comforting her, a constant in a world that seemed to have changed so much in the past few weeks.

She was starting to drift off when a soft thumping noise caused her to stir.

'What's that?'

'Ah, yes, about that,' Robin grinned sheepishly. 'I probably should go and unlock the door.'

'You locked us in here?'

'Well they wouldn't let me see you. And besides, what more would you expect from a thief.'

Regina gave a small laugh, a pleasant surprise to both Robin and herself.

'Are you planning on stealing me away?' she teased.

'We'll see how it goes, shall we?'

He hugged her closer for a moment before gently unfurling himself from their tangle of arms, standing up beside the bed. Regina missed the warmth of his touch as soon as it was taken from her but she didn't dwell on it because if she was certain of anything, it was that he would be coming back.

Regina couldn't quite stifle the yawn that crawled up her throat and covered her hand with her mouth. Her entire body felt exhausted, though whether it was from the unfolding drama or the unexpected use of magic she wasn't sure.

'You should get some rest,' Robin told her gently, taking her hand. 'I can come back later.'

Regina shook her head. 'Henry will be here by now,' she noted, checking the clock on the wall.

'Do you want me to come back tomorrow?'

'Can you come back this afternoon?' she asked, biting the inside of her lip. 'Henry leaves about three to get his homework done. I'm sure you've got far better things to do-'

'If you want me here, then there is no place I would rather be,' he cut her off, bending over and kissing her forehead softly. 'But first I have to face the music. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't let me come back here at all and I had to sneak my way back in through an open window.'

Regina chuckled lightly shaking her head. 'I'll tell them to let you in this time.'

Her smile faded. 'I should have from the beginning.'

'No,' Robin stopped her, 'no more of that. You know I understand. I can't say that I know exactly how you feel, I wouldn't insult you by pretending that I can, but you've told me enough for me to see a glimpse of what you have been going through. I only want to help.'

'You already have, more than you know,' Regina admitted honestly. Robin kissed her hand before reluctantly letting it go.

'I'll be back later, I promise.'

'I know you will,' smiled Regina. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

Tears stung her eyes as she watched him pass through the curtain, and she took a deep breath trying to pull herself together before Henry came in. She heard the door opening and voices ringing from the hallway.

_'What on Earth did you think that you were doing?'_

_'Hey, I just wanted to-'_

_'To break into a hospital room and lock everyone else out? What if there had been an emergency?'_

_'I wasn't really thinking that far ahead. I didn't hurt anyone, relax.'_

_'If it were up to me I'd have you in handcuffs.'_

_'I welcome the challenge; I always have been good at escaping the authorities.'_

Regina found herself laughing again, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. It was a strange sound, one which felt almost foreign to her after all this time, but she liked it. He loved her. In a world where everything had fallen apart, where her son had been the only thing keeping her from leaving, she wouldn't have thought it possible for light to return to her heart in this way.

She smiled. He loved her.

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**Hope you liked it. Please leave a review and sorry it was short.**

**As consolation, teasers for next chapter. Robin will talk to Rumple, more OQ cuteness will occur and Archie will play a role**


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